Practice Script

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blvck_hvmmer

Hey I'm new to the forum world (posting not reading) and new to the screenwriting world too. I'm 14 and I wann get a headstart on my "dream careers" and one of them is screenwriting. I already have a LOT of experience in editing video inside of Adobe After Effects and Premiere Pro, but I wan to get my feet wet in the writing aspect of video/film so I wrote this quick script for practice and I want to know if you can point out any errors (Scriptwriting erros, not spell checks please) so here it is:

INT. BEDROOM` - MORNING
Jason is rushing to put his books and writing untensils inside his bookbag.
JASON’S MOM (V.O.)
Jason, hurry up! You don’t want to be late again do you?
JASON
Almost done mom!
(Walking down stairs)
Have you seen my history book? I can’t seem to find it anywhere in my room.
JASON’S MOM
No I haven’t seen it anywhere. Can’t you just borrow one or something?
JASON
No mom, it doesn’t work like that.
EXT. FRONT YARD/STREET - MORNING
The school bus pulls up, full of other students.
INTERCUT
JASON’S MOM
There’s the bus-
(Kisses Jason on his forehead)
No point in looking for it now.
JASON
Yeah, I guess your right.
Jason begins walking out the door.
JASON (CONT’D)
Alright, see ya’ mom!
EXT. FRONT YARD/STREET - MORNING
Jason begins walking away as his mom stands at the door.
JASON’S MOM
Love you “Jase”!
JASON
(Mumbling)
Love you too.
JASON’S MOM
I can’t hear you!
JASON
Love you too mom!
Students on the bus begin to laugh as Jason walks into the bus.
FADE TO BLACK.
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An excellent start, Louis.

Try writing in the present; Jason rushes to put rather than Jason is
rushing. Jason doesn't begin walking out the door or begin walking
away from his mother – he either walks out or doesn't.

Do not put action in parenthesis in the dialouge. (Walking down stars)
should be; Jason walks down the stairs in the action line. Same with
(Kisses Jason on his forehead).

A few little changes and your screenplay will be looking more professional
in no time.

Welcome to our little madhouse.
 
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directorik said:
An excellent start, Louis.

Try writing in the present; Jason rushes to put rather than Jason is
rushing. Jason doesn't begin walking out the door or begin walking
away from his mother – he either walks out or doesn't.

Do not put action in parenthesis in the dialouge. (Walking down stars)
should be; Jason walks down the stairs in the action line. Same with
(Kisses Jason on his forehead).

A few little changes and your screenplay will be looking more professional
in no time.

Welcome to our little madhouse.
Click to expand...

Thank You Very Much
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
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