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watch Please criteque my film

Hiya, I'm looking for critique on a film I made a few months ago. I'm going to be remaking it soon and I'd like to know what I could change to make it better. I'm aware that it is out of focus in places, I'm more interested in critique regarding story/dialogue. Any feedback would be hugely appreciated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo-ekIUzup0
 
Where to begin...

http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/70261400?strkid=1587891951_0_0&trkid=222336&movieid=70261400

I think that one of the major mistakes the amateur / new filmmakers make is cutting too much. You have enough to worry about - sound, lighting, focus, DOF - that switching up camera angles all the time works against you on so many levels.

For each scene - find that one shot that gives you everything (or at least as much as possible before you introduce a new character like your guy on the balcony) and get that perfect.

As an example... watch Royal Tennenbaums and the scene where Royal tells his wife that he has cancer... there are a few cuts, but you barely even notice them.

And where she walks out of frame... the amateur would cut to a shot of her... but Anderson just lets her linger off frame, holds the camera, and lets her walk back in.
 
Not an mtv fan i take it? ;p I don't have netflix do you have a Youtube clip of what you were trying to show??
 
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How can a filmmaker not have a netflix account?

I haven't watched MTV is 20 years and if that's what the kids are still into nowadays... well... hey... get off my lawn!

what I was trying to show is the entire history of film - something that every filmmaker should at least have a cursory knowledge of

videos like yours are impossible to critique because there is so much going wrong

which is why i suggested stopping the cutting for no reason

you're asking for critique of story and dialogue... but with everything else so distracting, it's impossible to even consider these things
 
I think some of your shots would look better with a tripod or a dolly, maybe framing the shots a bit better.
 
It's ok, but missing essential things like color correction, tripod shots, and dolly shots. It just looks really amateur.
 
While you ask for critique on writing and story, those are the least of your concerns. You only mention focus issues, but there are so many other things wrong here on a technical level.

The very first thing that kills this for me (I had to force myself, painfully, to watch through to the end) is the horrible production sound. It's obvious that the dialog all came from the camera's built-in mic as I can often hear the plastic creaking under the camera op's hand movements.

Get some real audio support. This means both a workable sound package and an experienced Production Sound Mixer/Boom Op.

Spend some considerable time in post replacing sounds with FX. Better, get a skilled sound designer on board to handle all your audio post.

Some of the rest of this has been said, hinted at, or alluded to, and some not:

- Autoexposure keeps jumping all over the place. Learn to keep manual control over shots to keep exposure consistent.
- The existing lighting in that location is awful, and the choice of camera angles often made that worse (shooting into, or at least toward, bright and uneven light). Get some real lighting support and replace all the practicals (existing lamps in the room) with low-wattage bulbs.
- The camera work is shaky, at best. A handheld look isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the addition of a shoulder rig can help that with a small camera. Using a tripod and dolly can also lend a good feel to the camera movement.
- Framing is all over the place, and doesn't always make sense. Reverses and cutaways are clumsy... they basically say "I'm cutting to this other angle because I know I need to, but I don't know why I need to or what the next shot's composition is supposed to say." Don't just flip the camera around because you feel like you need a different angle. Figure out why you need one, and frame that shot to convey a specific feeling about the character or scene.
- You cut WAY too much, as has been said. Quick cuts make the pacing suffer. A perfect example is when he says Joe's name, pointing to the shirt, and there's a too-quick cutaway to a CU of Joe's nametag. It doesn't make sense, and that shot is a little on-the-nose. Plus, the quick nature of the cutaway (barely long enough to see what it is) makes that edit look like a mistake.
- Actor continuity from shot to shot is problematic. Even in the opening sequence, the wider shot to the closeup of your lead getting handed a glass of water doesn't cut well at all.
- The focus problem is something you acknowledge is there. Why? How did that get past production? Does your camera op not know when shots are out of focus? That's problematic. If the shot sucks, do it again.
- It was hard to follow the dialog enough really to critique dialog and writing. This is mostly due to the crap sound. In all, it seems like an interesting concept of a story idea. From what I can follow, the writing isn't terrible. The delivery is what hurts.
- The acting wasn't great. This is mostly from the girl, who overacts in a way that makes William Shatner look subtle. She's terrible.
 
It's ok, but missing essential things like color correction, tripod shots, and dolly shots. It just looks really amateur.

While I agree that it looks amateur (because it is)... since when do tripod and dolly shots count as essential, or things that define non-amateur? There have been some really well-crafted films made that were primarily (if not all) hand-held. That's not to say I have never recommended someone as a beginner get a decent tripod; effective handheld takes a hell of a lot more practice and skill.

The type of camera support used does not define the quality of the end-product. What makes the difference are handling and framing of the camera, plus editing and audio post to complete the image.
 
I thought it was a fun story but in terms of quality it does look like a home movie. Just keep making videos and you'll get better! :)

Hell! I'm still @#$%-ing learning too!
 
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Cut out the royalty free music and get a composer.
Get a better mic.
Use less obvious dialogue and exposition.
Light scenes better.
Put in some color grading to stylize the film and give it a unique look.
Make sure everything is properly exposed and in focus.
I was unsure of what was going on until I read the description. Clarify what is going on in the beginning.
It DRAAAAAAGGGGSSSS in terms of pacing. Cut it down.
There was little tension.
Work on framing.
Also, why didn't they ever look out the window?
How come they just fell for it?

How can a filmmaker not have a netflix account?

There are many ways to view films, not just Netflix.
 
This is very much an amateur film which I made in just 2 days with friends, hence why I'm looking to remake it and make it better due to how rushed it was . Technical issues really aren't an issue because they would inevitably be better this time around. I'm very much more interested in story. I I've always been taught to believe story, location, acting are the three most important things in a film.

Thanks for the feedback so far there have been a few helpful comments.
 
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Not an expert but here is my opinion...

Like: story

Needs work: sound, dialogue, acting, set

I would be interested in seeing a well done remake.
 
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While I agree that it looks amateur (because it is)... since when do tripod and dolly shots count as essential, or things that define non-amateur? There have been some really well-crafted films made that were primarily (if not all) hand-held. That's not to say I have never recommended someone as a beginner get a decent tripod; effective handheld takes a hell of a lot more practice and skill.

The type of camera support used does not define the quality of the end-product. What makes the difference are handling and framing of the camera, plus editing and audio post to complete the image.

Don't forget that a lot of times that shaky look is added in post. The production might use a tripod/dolly but shake it up in post. It works a lot better that way than doing it during production.
 
Sound Design atrocious
Set Design atrocious
Camerawork atrocious
Actors diabolical

the only thing right was it managed to render.

your use of framing is shocking, the focus was out most of the time, I actually thought it was going to be a comedy then it turned into something horrible.

judging by this video i would say you had ZERO talent.

now watch some films, learn how to do things properly and shoot with some dignity dont just shoot with what you see, set up the room etc etc, try to control the lighting, hell even block out all your lights and buy some candles and use those to help set a tone.

dont rush things either, i only could watch the first 1 minute before skipping to the end coz it didnt engage me, shorten your script to 4 minutes make it dynamic and for gods sake tell your friends to stop under/overacting tell them to feel the emotion.
 
Wow there are some real stuck up douches on this site. How about you read what I said before launching into a tiade. Just to clarify once again...This was shot on my mates £200 handheld camera. The remake will be done on a canon c100. Hence why I'm interested in the story and what changes can be made. jeez
 
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Wow there are some real stuck up douches on this site. How about you read what I said before launching into a tiade. Just to clarify once again...This was shot on my mates £200 handheld camera. The remake will be done on a canon c100. Hence why I'm interested in the story and what changes can be made. jeez

Oh wow a c100, your definitely going to be Spielberg in no time...

You got what was called an honest feedback based on opinion, £200 camera or £5,000 camera, what the hell difference does it make, do you have any concept of lighting? How about audio? Do you understand framing? Can you get better actors? How about a better script? Stick to an arthouse piece until you can write a better story and get better actors..

This is a harsh industry, i just got you riled up so that you wouldn't produce the same pile of crap again, make it much shorter and much better.

Congrats on releasing a 10 minute piece though.
 
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