While you ask for critique on writing and story, those are the least of your concerns. You only mention focus issues, but there are so many other things wrong here on a technical level.
The very first thing that kills this for me (I had to force myself, painfully, to watch through to the end) is the horrible production sound. It's obvious that the dialog all came from the camera's built-in mic as I can often hear the plastic creaking under the camera op's hand movements.
Get some real audio support. This means both a workable sound package and an experienced Production Sound Mixer/Boom Op.
Spend some considerable time in post replacing sounds with FX. Better, get a skilled sound designer on board to handle all your audio post.
Some of the rest of this has been said, hinted at, or alluded to, and some not:
- Autoexposure keeps jumping all over the place. Learn to keep manual control over shots to keep exposure consistent.
- The existing lighting in that location is awful, and the choice of camera angles often made that worse (shooting into, or at least toward, bright and uneven light). Get some real lighting support and replace all the practicals (existing lamps in the room) with low-wattage bulbs.
- The camera work is shaky, at best. A handheld look isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the addition of a shoulder rig can help that with a small camera. Using a tripod and dolly can also lend a good feel to the camera movement.
- Framing is all over the place, and doesn't always make sense. Reverses and cutaways are clumsy... they basically say "I'm cutting to this other angle because I know I need to, but I don't know why I need to or what the next shot's composition is supposed to say." Don't just flip the camera around because you feel like you need a different angle. Figure out why you need one, and frame that shot to convey a specific feeling about the character or scene.
- You cut WAY too much, as has been said. Quick cuts make the pacing suffer. A perfect example is when he says Joe's name, pointing to the shirt, and there's a too-quick cutaway to a CU of Joe's nametag. It doesn't make sense, and that shot is a little on-the-nose. Plus, the quick nature of the cutaway (barely long enough to see what it is) makes that edit look like a mistake.
- Actor continuity from shot to shot is problematic. Even in the opening sequence, the wider shot to the closeup of your lead getting handed a glass of water doesn't cut well at all.
- The focus problem is something you acknowledge is there. Why? How did that get past production? Does your camera op not know when shots are out of focus? That's problematic. If the shot sucks, do it again.
- It was hard to follow the dialog enough really to critique dialog and writing. This is mostly due to the crap sound. In all, it seems like an interesting concept of a story idea. From what I can follow, the writing isn't terrible. The delivery is what hurts.
- The acting wasn't great. This is mostly from the girl, who overacts in a way that makes William Shatner look subtle. She's terrible.