Passion Wins - Short Film


Would love to get some support and critique for my passion project! Every like helps! We worked on this the last 3 months and it turned out fine I guess? If you have anything to say about it please let me know in the YouTube - comments!
 

indietalk

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Cool! I like color grading. Like 70s home movie but not grainy like film you just used the color not the whole fake film scratch effect. I liked that.
 

indietalk

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My only nit pick would be some of the sound effects were loud/harsh. The bike on grass, the paper, and her falling to the ground, the crunch sounded like she broke something lol! I think just a little lower and less harsh. But overall great!

PS. No idea what the letter said but it didn't matter, so that's a good thing when you can get that across!
 
Overall, pretty good, but the cut to the power lines, followed by that weird almost subliminal "Protection Leader" frame ??? What's that about? It spoils the flow. If it's somehow meant to symbolise the "outside world" I think it'd be better to shift it to the very beginning to show Luzi leaving it behind. If it's meant to indicate that she's still tenuously in contact with the "outside world" ... well, that's implied by her holding the letter.

Also: a small detail, but one that really bothered me - why is her name and address handwritten on the outside of the envelope, and the sender's name (and the subject of the letter) appear in the address window. This kind of whaaaaat? :weird: thing distracts me from what follows, as it's so completely detached from reality, it makes me think it must be part of a plot twist ... and when it isn't, I'm distracted by wondering why not!

Overall, the camerawork and editing of the dance sequence was good, but :director:DON'T FORGET THE FEET! Dance is nothing without footwork, and if you include shots of head, hands or torso, it's important to include at least a few shots of the feet as well.
 

indietalk

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Overall, pretty good, but the cut to the power lines, followed by that weird almost subliminal "Protection Leader" frame ???
I actually went back to that frame to make sure I saw it.
 
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