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Opinion on Logline?
- Thread starter myownself
- Start date
Not really a Logline.
I'll I know is that some guy named Tyler(or maybe it's girl?) had a argument (all arguments are stressful) about something, presumably with someone else, and now his friends can't see him, So I guess he's invisible or maybe they all went blind? And I'm not sure if anyone else can see him or not. Sounds kind of metaphorical...
The second sentence tells me nothing, is not part of a log, and is in fact a pitch.
Now try again, and tell me in one sentence what your story is about.
After arguing with/over ____ the night before, a man awakens to find ___________________
...and don't explain why i should care about your story. Intrigue me to read it.
so he is invisible to everyone or only invisible to people he knew before the "change" ??
Seems like you have a very high concept but your trying too hard to express it in the log line.
Just express the action, the high concept will reveal its self.
"redeemed" though not explicitly supernatural does invoke the supernatural causes such as a from a fall from grace, or a similar. Maybe keep the metaphor though out the log line..
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by _________________ or remain forever unseen.
make us care about the timeline..
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by __midnight___ or remain forever unseen.
or make us care about the task
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by _____returning the McGuffin_____ or remain forever unseen.
or both..
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by _____returning the McGuffin_____ by ____midnight___ or remain forever unseen.
Seems like you have a very high concept but your trying too hard to express it in the log line.
Just express the action, the high concept will reveal its self.
"redeemed" though not explicitly supernatural does invoke the supernatural causes such as a from a fall from grace, or a similar. Maybe keep the metaphor though out the log line..
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by _________________ or remain forever unseen.
make us care about the timeline..
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by __midnight___ or remain forever unseen.
or make us care about the task
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by _____returning the McGuffin_____ or remain forever unseen.
or both..
A man cursed with invisibility must redeem himself by _____returning the McGuffin_____ by ____midnight___ or remain forever unseen.
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After lecturing a friend about the worthlessness of human relationships a man awakens to find he's invisible to anyone he's ever known.
(in the Twilight zone)
(in the Twilight zone)
Doesn't grab my attention at all.
So this movie is about him waking up and just sitting in a corner, being invisible?? Sounds pretty boring lol
What does he do when he is invisible?
So this movie is about him waking up and just sitting in a corner, being invisible?? Sounds pretty boring lol
What does he do when he is invisible?
A deep sleep resulting from a stressful night seems to account for a man in his twenties becoming invisible to all around him, allowing him to see a world without him.
seems to me what happened before is irrelevant to the log line. "After a night of " or "a deep sleep" just doest matter. Start where its interesting!