First, thanks for taking the time. And your positive assessment means a lot.
And I love hearing about the things that stand out, to you, as unprofessional. Like Establishing. I don't know where I picked this up, but, curious, I went through a good sample of the 90 or so scripts I have in an IBooks folder, searching each for the word "establishing." Not one hit. Case closed.
I was thinking: Start with an aerial view of the city, with its "Gothic tangle of peaks and spires" to set a tone; then a street view of the square, moving toward the church, and then inside the church--trying, as quickly as possible, to "establish" where we are. Anyway.
My spelling, never that great to begin with, has deteriorated more since I have had, always at hand, a robot to correct me. But the robot is easily fooled by homonyms. I can see altar/alter sneaking deep into the process. Again, unprofessional, I'm sure distracting, and so, helpful to have it pointed out.
The character name caps. I have seen, in some scripts, the characters name in caps every time it appears. But I just hate the way this looks. The compromise is to put it in caps just the first time. This I can live with, lol, and it seems to be a standard, so next time. . .
And my elipses. They tend to sneak in as an orthographic representation of how I hear
the line, the elipses indicating a speaker searching for the right word or phrase, or perhaps, for a moment, reluctant to use it. But I think you're right. Too many begins to feel sophomoric, and I will go back and look, probably removing many, but not, I think, all.
For example, I wrote "He is . . . transformed." To indicate, perhaps, that there may not be an adequate word for what has happened, at this moment, to this man. But "He is transformed," is better, and even that may be unnecessary.
But with: "Are you . . . an angel from heaven?" The line straight through, "Are you an angel from heaven?" doesn't work as well, I think. He needs to think, a moment, to consider what he is suggesting, that what just happened seems supernatural. And it also might help to show that I, as a POV, am suggesting the same thing.
Also, I use elipses a lot, it seems, in dialogue, correctly, to indicate an unfinished thought or sentence. But I think sometimes this is just a lazy way to get to the next line. I will pay more attention.
Anyway, the more professional, to me, that the things begins to seem, the more it begins to seem, to me, to be worth doing. So thanks again.