Hi film addict...I'll try to offer my critique but know that my style is much more understated so I have a natural bias to that kind of narrative. But I'll offer what I can and will just list some things as I watch, stream of conscious like...
I like the superimposed IM's...I think it was a very creative idea given your limited resources. Most importantly, its something I haven't seen before. It's unique and effective here at the beginning at least, so props on that.
I don't like the intro. It's very, overdone I guess is a good word. It's like one of those TNT "The Closer" promos. It could work if you had a higher budget and production (maybe), but when you get into the first scene, it just doesn't flow very well IMO. Also, the part about Yankee Stadium, they closed it this year. I don't know what the new one they built is called (maybe it's Yankee Stadium too, if so my apologies). But if it's something different, always be careful to do your homework so people can't nitpick.
Right now here at the beginning, the lighting is fine. I saw the other comments above, so if its like this throughout probably not good, but it seems alright stylistically for this first scene.
CUT TO: shot of your keyboard. I don't like the angle. My eye naturally wants to read what is on your keyboard. I know there is no way I can read it all...but its human nature to want to take that information in and absorb it as best as possible. EVERYONE in your audience is going to be frustrated by not being able to read whats on your computer or at least see it better. Because it's a close-up. If you were further out, probably wouldn't be as big a deal.
CUT BACK TO: you on IM again. The lighting is worse now. I actually like the hue and style, but you can still light it better and keep that look. Again, I like the IM idea. I like how you slowed down one part, but very frustrated that you sped another IM up so fast I could barely read it all before it faded.
At this point, the acting has lost my interest. It seems like a head roll every other minute. Change it up a bit, give the eye and mind something else to absorb. Detail, detail, detail. The story seems drawn out at this point too, so I'm hoping to get some information very soon.
Now you brought one of the IMs out from the side. I didn't like it so much. I know you were trying to mix it up a bit, which is good, but I think some acting would accomplish this better than changing up the graphics. I'm old fashioned like that.
The super close-ups now of the communique between "President" and "Mayer" are too close, too shaky. Would it really say "President"? Scrolling down the screen dramatically, beat by beat, would've worked better IMO.
Now the phone calls. The phone ring is cool, I think it would be even cooler if you allowed for more repitition. Maybe allowing it to ring longer, maybe another beat with the caller. Movies are sound too. Speaking of which, the sound of the disembodied voice isn't consistent as it's louder on the second call than on the first. Just something technical.
The end (or close to it) was my least favorite part. Inside the house, the lighting wasn't good but worse was the shaking. I feel like I'm going to get nauseous if I stare at the screen too long. I really hope you find a different way to do this sequence.
All in all, I like the superimposed IM's a lot w/ the cam facing you. Combined with the hue, I thought it was creative and a good looking shot if it was lit better. Good use of your resources there and like I said creative. I didn't find the story interesting at all. A bomb plot involving the president...ok, you could do something with that. But the story had no substance beyond cliche pitch. No depth to the characters or story at all. I realize if you do too many of the IM's you risk being too repetitive and boring the audience after so long....so how about a phone call from your buddy? You don't even have to the other person talking on the other end. If you write it correctly, the message of the conversation can be properly conveyed from your words alone. Combined with the IM's, you'd give yourself more time add in a bit more substance without boring the audience on the same shot over and over.
I think posting a recut is an excellent idea if you get around to it. I hope some of this helps. Best of luck.
