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New 10 page Script

A

amp

Here is my new short script that is ten pages. I tried to keep it short and sweet and is a new one. I have only done two drafts of it so far. I won't say much about it now since it won't change anything or how you view it but if it's good I'll leave it alone and if it's bad I'll work on it again and again until it is right. I'd like to know what you think and thank you.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1E89_teazcUaTEweVhiY2dVQTg/edit?usp=sharing
 
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Gonzo_Entertainment said:
Good direction. In screenwriting it's about WHO it happens to much more than WHAT happens.

In my experience, in shorts you have to be super detail oriented on all the visual aspects that expose character. I have to look at a character on screen (and listen of course) and within about a minute know who/what I THINK that person is. Now you can twist that, but there isn't time for a lot of subtlety.
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So I will do that and in a few days or in a week I'll post it up for reviews. But for now on I'll do that because I don't think I have ever shown a character doing something that shows a certain trait - it's a great way for development.

And thank you all for your posts I don't think without them I would have gotten to this revelation of character development. I finally understand it and now I have to put it to practise.
 
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maz said:
Maybe I just don't get out enough, but I don't know anyone who would make a reservation at a restaurant to go and eat a piece of toast (or toast and marmalade) for lunch alone. Maybe there are people like that, but it's something I've never encountered. A cafe, certainly, or a "greasy spoon", but then there would be no need for reservations. It's just a weird mismatch, like a designer shoe shop selling steel-toed work boots.
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That part does seem pretty silly.
 
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maz said:
Maybe I just don't get out enough, but I don't know anyone who would make a reservation at a restaurant to go and eat a piece of toast (or toast and marmalade) for lunch alone. Maybe there are people like that, but it's something I've never encountered. A cafe, certainly, or a "greasy spoon", but then there would be no need for reservations. It's just a weird mismatch, like a designer shoe shop selling steel-toed work boots.
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Then I could remove the whole reservations thing and say that the other tables are reserved for the night time.
 
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amp said:
So I will do that and in a few days or in a week I'll post it up for reviews. But for now on I'll do that because I don't think I have ever shown a character doing something that shows a certain trait - it's a great way for development.

And thank you all for your posts I don't think without them I would have gotten to this revelation of character development. I finally understand it and now I have to put it to practise.
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Glad I could help in some way.
We were all there at one point. Not pretending to be William Goldman or anything, but written my share of shorts, even a couple that were not too bad.

In a feature you have the whole 20 minute or longer 1st act for the audience to form an opinion on who the characters are. In a short you have a page or two. In my experience everything they do, say, wear, are surrounded by, etc... has to further that goal.
 
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