Sonny,
At any given time I say what I feel in good nature and with respect, try to explain why I feel that way and move on. Never anything personal, always just my opinion. I felt bad about the timing of my 1st post, like I had just sucker punched a fellow creative on opening night. Opinion or not, I didn’t feel good about the way it came off at the time it came off. I don't pull punches of opinion, but my timing was regretable and I apologize for it.
In light of it NOT being a short, but instead an opener, parts of what I felt and expressed were just wrong.
As stated in my 2nd post, this being an opener is a horse of a whole different color compared to a stand alone short as 1st presented. As an opener it’s far greater than not, anyone can see that.
That said, I will put my 1st post back up, no problem.
I admire the confidence you have in your work, as well as the technical prowess with which it’s made, and equally I respect your opinion. I respect it even more because you didn’t neglect the good I found.
In regards to your response to my 1st post I disagree in places, and still stand by some of what things I said at 1st.
Predictable?
I’m not exactly running around solving mysteries if you know what I mean, but as soon as I saw:
Title + Title Image + Title Image Colors + The Set Up = I saw right through it.
However, in the context of an opener (Not a short), I don’t at all mind seeing what I suspected come to pass, it’s a great way to engage the viewer in prep for the rest of a film. It’s exactly what it did, and in that regard it’s a perfect on-ramp to me.
Potholes of unfunny dialogue?
I’m not saying all of the dialogue is bad, I'm not saying ANY of it is bad, but at times it’s just not funny, or just not as funny as it could or should be for a comedy in my opinion. There are miles between a smile and a chuckle, and I just don’t feel they were fully crossed on paper. I am reminded of something I think Ben Stiller said about writing. You need something to build something funnier on, and it’s usually done on the fly. The lines I found as unfunny and/or not as funny as they could have been, seem perfect springboards to try spontaneous takes that might have put the lines over the top.
This goes hand in hand with my next point.
Was it telling on screen to me that it was shot in 1 day?
No. I am 100% wrong by way of how I phrased that. What I should have said is, I just can’t help but feel that given more time, someone would have eventually said “This just isn’t funny to me, can we try a few things with it?.” and something funnier would have been gotten by way of quick rewrite, alternate prepared lines, or panning for spontaneous gold. Is that a practical scenario for a one day shoot? No.
About the 3rd character: I feel you focused on the possibility of lack of swearing instead of the dynamic of the 3rd character as written. It’s only my opinion, but I would have liked the 3rd character (Not the person- The script) to have had more of a dramatic peak to come down from. I feel it would have better blindsided us with the ending. Sure, I believe some people don’t swear in extreme situations. Do I believe in that situation there would be no swearing? Not a chance. The content isn’t exactly rated G, yet no one swears, at all, not even once?
A HUGE plus I failed to mention, and the fact I failed to mention it is testament to it’s favorability in my opinion. The editing! The editing is great! It’s so smooth that I didn’t even notice it.
The bottom line is, I like what you did a lot, but I can’t deny that for the level of overall professionalism and talent employed I feel the script could have and deserved to be just a little better, but don't lose sleep over what I think.
-Thanks-
