my new idea for a film

[rizien]

ok, basically i'm mixing some elements of Dead Poet's Society and Donnie Darko, and throwing in stuff from my personal life, and heres the outline i have so far :

Movie Outline


(PHOTOGRAPHY IS IN BLACK AND WHITE)

1) Inside a House
a) Shows a kid, around 18, waking up. He gets up, leaves his covers on the floor, his room is slightly messy.
b) As he walks down the halway we see pictures of him as a young kid with his family.
c) He gets up and gets ready, dressed and showered, then he walks out the door.
2) Outside the House
a) He gets in his car and drives to school
3) Outside the School
a) he walks in to school head hung low, staring at his feet, he's walking alone, but other people are also walking to school.
b) he comes up on the doors and the person in front of him pulled the door shut rather than hold it open for him.
c) he opens the door and walks inside.
4) Inside the School
a) he walks through the school, people bump into him and ignore him, like hes not even there.
b) he gets to class, the classroom door shuts.
5) Outside the School
a) The bell rings and the kids all rush out of school, then he walks out head hung low, staring down, alone.
b) He gets in his car and goes home.
6) Inside a House
a) he walks in the door, his mom asks how school went, he doesnt answer.
b) he sits down and does his homework, which takes several hours as we see the clock in the background.
c) he gets done with his homework and goes upstairs to his room, and gets on his computer.
d) he checks his email, there is none, his only friend on AIM isnt online, he logs off and goes to sleep
7) Inside a House
a) Shows the kid waking up. He gets up, leaves his covers on the floor, his room is a little more messy.
b) He gets up and gets ready, dressed and showered, then he walks out the door.
Outside the House
a) He gets in his car and drives to school
9) Outside the School
a) he walks in to school head hung low, staring at his feet, he's walking alone, but other people are also walking to school.
b) a girl walks up next to him, slowly walking past him, he goes to say hi, but nothing comes out and she didn't notice
c) he gets to the door and walks into school.
10) Outside the School
a) The Bell rings and all the kids rush out of school, then he slowly makes his way to his car, he gets in and drives home.
11) Inside a House
a) he does his homework checks his email and goes to sleep again.
12) Inside a House
a) Shows the kid waking up. He gets up, leaves his covers on the floor, his room is a little more messy.
b) He gets up and gets ready, dressed and showered, then he walks out the door.
13) Outside the House
a) He gets in his car and drives to school
14) Outside the School
a) he walks in to school head hung low, staring at his feet, he's walking alone, but other people are also walking to school.
b) he gets to the door and walks into school.
15) Outside the School
a) The Bell rings and all the kids rush out of school, then he slowly makes his way to his car, he gets in and heads home.
b) On his way home he runs out of gas, and the car stops.
c) He gets out and starts walking to a gas station.
16) Outside City/Town
a) He passes a homeless man, who keeps repeating "30 days"
b) A flyer flies past him and lands in front of his feet, it is ripped in half and reads "In Just 30 Days th" it cuts off there
c) He reaches the gas station, buys a gas can, fills it up and starts walking back to his car.
d) He gets back to his car and drives home.
17) Inside a House
a) The kid lays down to go to sleep, he starts watching TV, but it turns off automatically, and he, as a child appears.
b) his younger self tells his future self to stop wasting his life, hes only got 30 days left before the world ends, to actually live.
c) He is shocked...but not scared, he asks why and how, but his younger self just says live as he fades away.
d) He turns back around and appears to be in deep thought as he falls asleep.
(PHOTOGRAPHY FADES INTO COLOR AS HE SLEEPS/WAKES)

1 Outside a School
a) He is walking up to school, the girl walks slowly past him again, but this time he says hi to her, she says hi back and walks off.
b) He gets to school, cuts to after school, the bell rings, he comes out talking to the girl.
c) They say bye and he drives home.
19) Inside a House
a) He doesn't do his homework, just goes upstairs and plays videogames.
b) It gets late and he goes to sleep.
20) Inside a House
a) He wakes up and slaps deodorant on, doesnt bother with his hair, and leaves.
21) Outside a School
a) he walks up to school talking to the girl
b) the bell rings, and he leaves school talking to the girl, they stop by his car, and he gets her number.
c) he drives home, with a smile on his face.


im totally stuck there. so, you guys think this is too close to the two movies mentioned above or what? gimme some feedback and maybe some ideas/changes to make..anything to help

 

[Zensteve]

First.. I have not seen "Dead Poets" or "Donnie Darko".... so with that qualifier out of the way, let me also add that it should not be necessary to have seen them in order to understand this story.

Here is a basic synopsis of what we have so far...

Unpopular guy learns he has 30 days to live, then gets the girl.

It just doesn't make sense, let alone have a structure. You may have more to it than that, but that is what I see from what you have provided.

Is the story complete, before breaking it down into shots? Or are you building the mechanics of how it is shown, while trying to continue the unfinished tale?

The following is a story-structure breakdown, by Dan Harmon over at www.Channel101.com . (Ignore the bits mentioning specific times allowed. This was written for the 5-minute shorts that 101 do... but the principle/ratio is the same). There is a lot more there, broken down to basics, as well.

1 ) You
2 ) Need
3 ) Go
4 ) Search
5 ) Find
6 ) Take
7 ) Return
8 ) Change

As I've said, the easiest way to visualize these steps is by drawing a circle, dividing it into 4 equal pieces, and writing numbers around it clockwise, with (1) and (5) at the north and south "poles" of the circle, (3) and (7) at the east and west poles.

1 ) "You" - who are we? A squirrel? The sun? A red blood cell? America? By the end of the first 37 seconds, we'd really like to know.

2 ) "Need" - something is wrong, the world is out of balance. This is the reason why a story is going to take place. The "you" from (1) is an alcoholic. There's a dead body on the floor. A motorcycle gang rolls into town. Campbell phrases: Call to Adventure, Refusal of the Call, Supernatural Aid.

3 ) "Go" - For (1) and (2), the "you" was in a certain situation, and now that situation changes. A hiker heads into the woods. Pearl Harbor's been bombed. A mafia boss enters therapy. Campbell phrase: Crossing of the Threshold. Syd Field phrase: Plot Point 1.

4 ) "Search" - adapting, experimenting, getting shit together, being broken down. A detective questions suspects. A cowboy gathers his posse. A cheerleader takes a nerd shopping. Campbell phrases: Belly of the Whale, Road of Trials. Christopher Vogler phrase: Friends, Enemies and Allies.

5 ) "Find" - whether it was the direct, conscious goal or not, the "need" from (2) is fulfilled. We found the princess. The suspect gives the location of the meth lab. A nerd achieves popularity. Campbell phrase: Meeting with the Goddess. Syd Field phrase: mid-point. Vogler phrase: Approach to the Innermost Cave.

6 ) "Take" - The hardest part (both for the characters and for anyone trying to describe it). On one hand, the price of the journey. The shark eats the boat. Jesus is crucified. The nice old man has a stroke. On the other hand, a goal achieved that we never even knew we had. The shark now has an oxygen tank in his mouth. Jesus is dead- oh, I get it, flesh doesn't matter. The nice old man had a stroke, but before he died, he wanted you to take this belt buckle. Now go win that rodeo. Campbell phrases: Atonement with the Father, Death and Resurrection, Apotheosis. Syd Field phrase: plot point 2

7 ) "Return" - It's not a journey if you never come back. The car chase. The big rescue. Coming home to your girlfriend with a rose. Leaping off the roof as the skyscraper explodes. Campbell phrases: Magic Flight, Rescue from Without, Crossing of the Return Threshold.

8 ) "Change" - The "you" from (1) is in charge of their situation again, but has now become a situation-changer. Life will never be the same. The Death Star is blown up. The couple is in love. Dr. Bloom's Time Belt is completed. Lorraine Bracco heads into the jungle with Sean Connery to "find some of those ants." Campbell phrases: Master of Both Worlds, Freedom to Live.

If we use this to look at your story so far, we have:

1 ) You: Unpopular kid

2 ) Need: ?

3 ) Go: Learns the world ends in 30 days

4 ) Search: ?

5 ) Find: The girl

6 ) Take: ?

7 ) Return: ?

8 ) Change: ?

Fill in the blanks

 

[the_silver_addiction]

I like it

I like the principle/theme/message. It's something that I feel pretty strongly about and it's also the basic topic of a film I am currently writing a script for. I was kind of startled by the similarities bewteen out ideas. Mine too involves the end of the world. And like yours it shows a lonely guy who doesn't do much of anything except waste time. Not to worry though, our stories differ in many other ways. I was just wondering if you have any other thoughts on the topic (making the most of your life). I was also wondering how old you are. I'm 18 and in my experience it just seems like films by teenagers have a harder time being taken seriously. What do you think?

 

[BUS125]

i didnt really like donny darko but DPS was a good one.

 

[danielle]

Ok this is just my thoughts.

But I think, first of all, you should cut the beginning part with him waking up and going to school WAY down b/c it drags on a bit.

Like make the b&w sequence just 1 horrible day instead of 3. More like this:

1.) INT. HOUSE - day
a. YOUNG MAN, around 18, awakens, gets up, and drops his covers on the floor. The room is slightly messy.
b. He walks down the hallway; we see pictures of him as a child with his family.
c. He gets ready for school then walks out the door.

2.) EXT. HOUSE – day
a. He enters his car and heads to school.

3.) EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
a. he walks in to school head hung low, staring at his feet, he's walking alone, but other people are also walking to school.
b. a girl walks up next to him, slowly walking past him, he goes to say hi, but nothing comes out and she didn't notice
c. he comes up on the doors and the person in front of him pulled the door shut rather than hold it open for him.
d. he opens the door and walks inside.

4.) Inside the School
a. he walks through the school, people bump into him and ignore him, like hes not even there.
b. he gets to class, the classroom door shuts.

5.) Outside the School
a. The bell rings and the kids all rush out of school, then he walks out head hung low, staring down, alone.
b. He gets in his car and leaves.

6.) EXT. CITY/TOWN
a. On his way home he runs out of gas and the car stalls.
b. He gets out and starts walking to a gas station.
c. He passes a homeless man, who keeps repeating "30 days"
d. A flyer flies past him and lands in front of his feet, it is ripped in half and reads "In Just 30 Days th--" it cuts off there
e. He reaches the gas station, buys a gas can, fills it up and starts walking back to his car.
f. He gets back to his car and drives home.

7.) Inside a House
a. he walks in the door, his mom asks how school went, he doesn’t answer.
b. he sits down and does his homework, which takes several hours as we see the clock in the background.
c. he gets done with his homework and goes upstairs to his room, and gets on his computer.
d. he checks his email, there is none, his only friend on AIM isnt online, he logs off.
e. As he lays down to fall asleep he begins watching TV.
f. It turns it off automatically. Him as a child appears in it’s place.
g. his younger self tells his future self to stop wasting his life, hes only got 30 days left before the world ends, to actually live.
h. He is shocked...but not scared, he asks why and how, but his younger self just says live as he fades away.
I. He turns back around and appears to be in deep thought as he falls asleep.

(PHOTOGRAPHY FADES INTO COLOR AS HE SLEEPS/WAKES)



I started re-writing it in the beginning.. sorry hehe

 

[rizien]

nice ideas and thanks for all the help. to clarify some things:

zensteve: thats all i have at the moment, so..its raw and not the greatest yet, the main thing im gonna try to portray is Carpe Diem "Seize the Day" , live every day like its your last, and try not to have any regrets, the girl part is all i have so far though.

i like the idea of doing one horrible day, but i went with three(in this, my first version) because i wanted to make the point that he's nothing special...just does what he does and whatnot..i figured it would only take about 5-10 minutes, but the one day sounds good, if i can do it right

I was just wondering if you have any other thoughts on the topic (making the most of your life). I was also wondering how old you are. I'm 18 and in my experience it just seems like films by teenagers have a harder time being taken seriously. What do you think?

we're a lot alike, im 18 also, i think this (carpe diem) affects a lot of us, well, atleast me...after watching dead poets society, it made me look at my life and realize how crappy i am, and it also made me want to make movies. And yes, anytime i tell someone im making a movie(not often) they just dismiss it as a home movie..crappy windows movie maker thing..but i dont care really, as long as you have the love and vision for it. Although, a lot of times i find my scripts and outlines(when looking back) to be very amatuer and not so great, so im researching a lot, and i plan on making a lot of revisions, based on feedback mostly. which is why im here and i like the quote you have zensteve, ill fill it out for what im trying to accomplish :


1 ) You - Kid
2 ) Need - He's empty, he's not living his life, he needs to live a little, to sieze the day
3 ) Go - he siezes the day, does things he would normally think about doing but not actually do
4 ) Search - ??? (stuck at the moment)
5 ) Find - he's happy, he's living now..siezing the day
6 ) Take - ??? (stuck at the moment)
7 ) Return - maybe his life is back to normal, he's not going as crazy or out of his normal character AS MUCH, but hes found peace and is happy
8 ) Change - he's not so scared or timid..i guess(did i mix return and change?)

as you can see i dont have all my thought gathered just yet, but im on my way, i hope.


also, now, overviewing all of this, i dont think i want it to end happily..something sad, dramatic maybe...

 

[scrappydy]

I think it's great that there are potential filmmakers out there who are starting so young b/c it gives you time to grow with the passion of it all. Many who go to film school like to think they know it all already and that's where they go wrong. If you ever attend one, you'll see what I mean b/c you'll have at least 3 or 5 of them who will just urk you. But, the more determined and motivated you are, I think the further you will go. I think it will be interesting to see how your story concept develops. Keep us posted. Just an example:

1) You - Kid
2) Need - He's empty and realises he needs to live a little
3) Go - Realises the world is supposed to end soon
4) Search - He does things he would normally think about doing, but not actually do: siezes the day
5) Find - The girl (maybe a timid one like himself, but unlike him has many friends)
6) Take - After being with her for so long and they are happy together, her life unexpectedly ends before the world does
7) Return - Her family and friends sympathize for him and befriend him
Change - Although the popularity was something he wished for before, he now knows he can do what he was always too scared to do and can move on with his life, living it to the fullest until the end

 

[Mr. Blonde]

Here's my two cents ( i dunno if its even worth that much..haha jk)

It sounds good, the opinions about the beginning being dragged out were right but other than that its lookin nice..just a suggestion since the ideas are similar to other movies, pick one big event or part in the movie that will set them apart.....something really unique (im fresh outta ideas srry)...i'd also like to say i agree with u for sayin that u want the ending to be sad....personally (i know it sounds morbid) but i dont like happy endings for some reason


o yea and im 16, and its really cool to have people on here that are around my age..im working on one of my scripts right now...ill tell ya a little more about it later if ya care...haha

good luck...

 

[rizien]

thanks for the help guys, keep it coming, im fresh out of ideas...i dont know why but i can only get intros to movies..cant ever get anything else...

 

[Euling]

I really like your idea for the movie. The idea of having the same day repeated twice really makes us connect with the character: show his boring day once, you feel bad for him. Show his boring day three times, and you're sick of his life just like he is. But be sure to make the audience care enough about him that they don't just feel like they're "stuck" watching the same time-loop that they don't care about. Maybe some introductory demonstration of emotion.

 

[Euling]

Also, this movie reminds me a lot of Office Space. Really liberate the audience from their own situations, too.