archived-videos My 2nd short film

G

GDP86

Hey, new to this forum, I've had a read of a few posts here and felt this was a good place for some constructive feedback.

About me, self taught beginner / amateur film maker, decided to shoot my 2nd short film a couple weeks ago for the rode reel contest. The bulk of the short was done as a 1 man band, so yes, some things did suffer as I was wearing too many hats. Though in hindsight, the biggest issue I believe is with the script writing.

Desirably, any constructive feedback regarding the story/characters that would help me improve future script writing would be greatly appreciated

Greg

Link to video;
https://youtu.be/5AHjqjrHWso
 
Upvote 0
Good work sir. The actors did a good job and I thought you cleverly handled the passing of time. Especially for this being a two minute short. I left this same comment on your youtube page.

As far as advice, I think this was pretty good. I just would have like to see more people walking around in the background to match with the sound effect. Maybe just 2 or three more people and keeping the shot tight as you did and I would've been sold on the birthday party scene. Nevertheless you had some clever use of sound effects in other parts of the short. You're actors did a good job as well, I really felt for the characters. Good job man!

I'd appreciate if you checked out some of my work HERE
 
hi, i saw your short, unfortunately I did not understand anything because I do not understand the English language, unfortunately :no:



but technically it seems a great job.
 
Good Idea Sir.This short film shows ,how far ,a person with depression can go.This is more brutal and horror ,when it comes to reality.So,putting up a story like that is a good choice.

For technical side,I feel like the birthday party is happening at night (by the lights and zero noise inside the room ) but the guy is coming out of the car in day time.And that's a bummer.Other than that ,it served the purpose.
 
Great job. Liked the tension build up and the passing of time. Only complaint was already stated with it seeming like it would be night time but when he gets out of the car it's daytime, other than that, very well done.
 
I would have liked to have seen more of a juxtaposition between the before and after scenes. Mainly a lighting issue, I think. Go from bright and warm to cool and bleak. I can see where you tried for this, but I would make it more.

Need more party at the first party. And I wouldn't even have the boyfriend/husband there. Leave us hanging with the knife at the throat.
 
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