From articles ive read and people ive spoke to...the Screenplay for a Comedy is normally between 90-110 pages...im current screenplay which is a comedy, will be around the 125 page mark....now does this matter, as I am wanting to direct this, and am going to be looking for investors..should I try and cut the page length down, as long as I don't harm the story etc?????
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length of comedy screenplay
- Thread starter derek smith
- Start date
Does it need to be cut down? I dunno. Haven't read it. How many draft revisions have you done so far?
There are script proofreaders who can analyse it, and make some notes for you. Sure, it's gonna run a few bucks (hook up with your local filmmaking orgs), but if you're pitching to investors your script better be top-notch, right?
There are script proofreaders who can analyse it, and make some notes for you. Sure, it's gonna run a few bucks (hook up with your local filmmaking orgs), but if you're pitching to investors your script better be top-notch, right?
im currently at 137 pages, but confident I can get to 125...thing is, theres probably a few scenes I could cut that wouldn't impact the story, but they are possibly the funniest scenes ive wrote, and being a comedy, I don't want to cut them...Yeah I have been thinking about getting it proof read, might try and source someone to do it....ive done 5 drafts so far...at the minute, im happy with the content, just need to shorten it.....the people ive spoke to saying that any comedy over 110 pages normally gets ignored, is whats eating away at me...but if im getting investors involved, then maybe this wont be an issue to them
It's hard to comment without seeing the script. However, 90-110 pages is about right for a comedy spec. I'm not trying to add to your frustration. What I take away though is the funniest parts aren't germane to the story. That should never be the case in a comedy. Either they need to be central to the story or the rest of the story needs to be funnier. Comedy is about funny.
To put it another way, I hate trailers that show these exciting scenes. Then you see the movie and those were the ONLY exciting scenes. Or the trailer really is a spoiler reel because that rest of the film is bad except for those scenes. I don't blame the trailer guy, his/her job is to sell the film with creative editing.
Your comedy needs to be funny throughout. And certain scenes relevant to plot may highlight the story but all are integral. If you don't want to cut them, then you need to re-write the story so they're relevant. That may make the less funny stuff less relevant and deletable. Good luck.
To put it another way, I hate trailers that show these exciting scenes. Then you see the movie and those were the ONLY exciting scenes. Or the trailer really is a spoiler reel because that rest of the film is bad except for those scenes. I don't blame the trailer guy, his/her job is to sell the film with creative editing.
Your comedy needs to be funny throughout. And certain scenes relevant to plot may highlight the story but all are integral. If you don't want to cut them, then you need to re-write the story so they're relevant. That may make the less funny stuff less relevant and deletable. Good luck.
great reply....understand what you mean....the added scenes, fit in with the film...but aren't completely central to the story, but are funny (in my mind) netherless...im really happy with the screenplay in its entirety...ive ensured the humour is frequent, without being thrown down your neck...but these other scenes, I would be disappointed to chop, but if it means getting the screenplay pages shorten, then that's what will have to happen
This what you have heard is true, but it's not necessary so black and white, as it first sounds. Because, if we talk mix-genre then it counts just as much that the story that you're telling needs a certain amount of pages to be told right. But, if you say that you only have the comedy genre in it, then the readers assume that you have a bunch of situations after another where the story isn't as important as the fun-factor. In that case it's not difficult to cut down the pages and you are expected to do so. But, that doesn't seem to be the case here, so...
... do your thing, make it funny and every darn page will be read and celebrated.
... do your thing, make it funny and every darn page will be read and celebrated.
woke up today, and think the rest done me good, as can already see how I can shorten it by a good 10pages
Most of the time, length is down to inefficient writing bloating the page count.
I can't say that this is the case, but unless you've put a lot of detail into complex environments most people can't visualise right off the bat, in order to get the full idea and jokes across, or just have a long script on your hands (and who says omedy must be short?), I could only guess that the fault lies in your style.
Post the first 3 pages.
I can't say that this is the case, but unless you've put a lot of detail into complex environments most people can't visualise right off the bat, in order to get the full idea and jokes across, or just have a long script on your hands (and who says omedy must be short?), I could only guess that the fault lies in your style.
Post the first 3 pages.
As others said, hard to know without seeing it, but at an average of 1 minute per page (your mileage WILL vary) that's a 2 hour and 15 minute comedy (137 pages), which is VERY long.
I think you should try really hard to get it down to under at least 120. As people have pointed out: that means you are in the ballpark of a two hour movie. Could be more, could be less.
Here are some tips for a quick tightening:
1. Go through the script and see if you can extract the first line and the last line of dialogue from every single scene in the script. Of course, you won't be able to do it for all of the scenes, but try.
2. Go through the script and cut every "Well", "Look". and "Actually" from every line of dialogue. This refers to those little prefixes of dialogue that sound natural when reading them on the page, but are really unneccessary.
For instance "Well, I don't know." Just becomes: "I don't know."
Here are some tips for a quick tightening:
1. Go through the script and see if you can extract the first line and the last line of dialogue from every single scene in the script. Of course, you won't be able to do it for all of the scenes, but try.
2. Go through the script and cut every "Well", "Look". and "Actually" from every line of dialogue. This refers to those little prefixes of dialogue that sound natural when reading them on the page, but are really unneccessary.
For instance "Well, I don't know." Just becomes: "I don't know."
That could massively effect how a character sounds.
I'd look more at action lines - see if they're over-written. Dialogue, is of course, incredibly important, and there isn't a real rule for comedy, since your world is what you create it to be and your characters have to apply by its rules.
I'd look more at action lines - see if they're over-written. Dialogue, is of course, incredibly important, and there isn't a real rule for comedy, since your world is what you create it to be and your characters have to apply by its rules.
think its a mixture, after I read the advice on here, that my screenplay most likely has action lines which are too long, and defiantly dialogue which really doesn't need to be included...ive shaved off 8 pages last night to the script...and woke up today feeling a lot better about getting the best out of my screenplay...im going to re-write the screenplay again, as I feel, some action lines aren't 'in real time'...this is obviously all down to lack of experience...I can post up the first 5 pages, not sure how I would do that, or I can email them if interested?
It's better for the community that you post them here, I used to try to help people out via e-mail but too many... overly-sensitive, shall we say, internet "writers" wore me down. Besides, one page is normally enough to ascertain the level a writer is at.
Don't take offense to my previous experiences and defend yourself, just C&V your first 3 pages only (even if that means ending something mid-dialogue) and post them here. Please try to throw in some paragraphs for easing my eyes though.
Don't take offense to my previous experiences and defend yourself, just C&V your first 3 pages only (even if that means ending something mid-dialogue) and post them here. Please try to throw in some paragraphs for easing my eyes though.
haha will do...im re-writing it tonight, and will upload it on here either tonight or tomorrow
be as critical as possible, as its the only way ill learn
Hope this comes out ok, but this is the first 3 pages from my screenplay. As its my first screenplay, please be as critical as possible...thanks
FADE IN
EXT. HURLING FIELD - DAY
Loughmore-Castleiney (Green and Red Stripe) are playing Roscrea (Red) in a Hurling Match on a bright Sunday Morning in front of a small dedicated Crowd. A Loughmore-Castleiney Player runs unchallenged through middle of Pitch and strikes wide. Loughmore-Castleiney Manager Mike, a tough fiery man in his 50's gives directions
Mike
'God sake Eoin.. Ejit couldn't hit sand if he fell of a Camel'
Loughmore-Castleiney midfielder fails to catch the ball from the puck out, a Roscrea player scoops the ball up and puts it over the bar for a point. There is small applause. Mike throws the water bottle down in fraustration.
INT. LOUGHMORE-CASTLEINEY CHANGING ROOM
Mike is stood up giving the players, who are sat down, the post match team talk
Mike
'Well that was shite. It was like watching 15 drunk men on a bouncy castle'
Two players with destinctive Blonde Quiffs, snigger. Mike quickly turns on them
'What so funny Jedward. You's will have plenty of time to tell me the joke at the next match, when your sat in the Sub Bench with me'
Killian, a tall good looking man in his twenties, turns to his best friend Jamie, roughly the same age but of average height and build
KILLIAN
'Imagine the team talk if we would have lost the match'
MIKE
'Last thing. Championship is next week, so no fecking Drinking'
CUT TO
INT. PUB - DAY
Killian and Jamie are sat at table in a moderately busy traditional Irish pub with
Ally, a tall atheltic man in his twenties. A typically stubborn farmer.
John Joe, a skinny small man in his twenties. Slightly dim, but innocent, the others are protective off John Joe
JOHN JOE
'I could feel my hangover kicking in during the warm up'
ALLY
'I near cried when i saw the size of the fucker i was marking. His neck and head were the same width. When i saw him sticking on his top, his head looked like a Bollard coming up through his shirt'
JAMIE
'Did you take that Townie home with you from Conalls party lastnight'
KILLIAN
'She invited herself back'
JAMIE
'Any luck'
KILLIAN
'I gave her my room and slept on the floor'
ALLY
'She was brutal, she looked like her make up was put on by Corbett Concrete'
Guys all laugh. In walks Pinch, a local low level criminal
PINCH
'Alright boys, who's playing'
KILLIAN
'All Ireland Hurling Semi Final, Antrim vs Kilkenny'
JAMIE
'What you selling today Pinch'
Pinch pulls out a can of Lynx with 'Kool Water' wrote on the front from his Plastic Bag
PINCH
'Cool Water, will make you irresistible to women, only 12 Euro'
KILLIAN
'Pinch, its a can of Lynx with Cool Water misspelled on the front, Stevie Wonder could see that'
Ally smells the can of Lynx and reacts negatively
ALLY
'Fucking Jesus, it smells of piss'
PINCH
'2 Euro'
ALLY
'Deal'
JAMIE
'You Rednecks really are a miserable bunch'
INT. PUB - EVENING (LATER)
Killian walks out the front door, and is greeted by
Bosco, a well built rugged man in his 30's
KILLIAN
'You waiting on a taxi home Bosco'
BOSCO
'I wouldn't spend the money on one , no, ive tied Pancho up in the Car Park'
KILLIAN
'Who's Pancho'
BOSCO
'My horse. I always tie him up in the Village Car Park when i go for a few drinks. Stops the aul drink driving'
Killian laughs, pats Bosco on the back and walks home
INT. MIKES HOME - KITCHEN
Killian enters the house via the Kitchen. The house is a small terrace house, theres an Old lady in the Kitchen putting items in cupboard
BRIDGET THE CARER
'Jesus Mary and Joseph, you nearly gave me a heart attack'
FADE IN
EXT. HURLING FIELD - DAY
Loughmore-Castleiney (Green and Red Stripe) are playing Roscrea (Red) in a Hurling Match on a bright Sunday Morning in front of a small dedicated Crowd. A Loughmore-Castleiney Player runs unchallenged through middle of Pitch and strikes wide. Loughmore-Castleiney Manager Mike, a tough fiery man in his 50's gives directions
Mike
'God sake Eoin.. Ejit couldn't hit sand if he fell of a Camel'
Loughmore-Castleiney midfielder fails to catch the ball from the puck out, a Roscrea player scoops the ball up and puts it over the bar for a point. There is small applause. Mike throws the water bottle down in fraustration.
INT. LOUGHMORE-CASTLEINEY CHANGING ROOM
Mike is stood up giving the players, who are sat down, the post match team talk
Mike
'Well that was shite. It was like watching 15 drunk men on a bouncy castle'
Two players with destinctive Blonde Quiffs, snigger. Mike quickly turns on them
'What so funny Jedward. You's will have plenty of time to tell me the joke at the next match, when your sat in the Sub Bench with me'
Killian, a tall good looking man in his twenties, turns to his best friend Jamie, roughly the same age but of average height and build
KILLIAN
'Imagine the team talk if we would have lost the match'
MIKE
'Last thing. Championship is next week, so no fecking Drinking'
CUT TO
INT. PUB - DAY
Killian and Jamie are sat at table in a moderately busy traditional Irish pub with
Ally, a tall atheltic man in his twenties. A typically stubborn farmer.
John Joe, a skinny small man in his twenties. Slightly dim, but innocent, the others are protective off John Joe
JOHN JOE
'I could feel my hangover kicking in during the warm up'
ALLY
'I near cried when i saw the size of the fucker i was marking. His neck and head were the same width. When i saw him sticking on his top, his head looked like a Bollard coming up through his shirt'
JAMIE
'Did you take that Townie home with you from Conalls party lastnight'
KILLIAN
'She invited herself back'
JAMIE
'Any luck'
KILLIAN
'I gave her my room and slept on the floor'
ALLY
'She was brutal, she looked like her make up was put on by Corbett Concrete'
Guys all laugh. In walks Pinch, a local low level criminal
PINCH
'Alright boys, who's playing'
KILLIAN
'All Ireland Hurling Semi Final, Antrim vs Kilkenny'
JAMIE
'What you selling today Pinch'
Pinch pulls out a can of Lynx with 'Kool Water' wrote on the front from his Plastic Bag
PINCH
'Cool Water, will make you irresistible to women, only 12 Euro'
KILLIAN
'Pinch, its a can of Lynx with Cool Water misspelled on the front, Stevie Wonder could see that'
Ally smells the can of Lynx and reacts negatively
ALLY
'Fucking Jesus, it smells of piss'
PINCH
'2 Euro'
ALLY
'Deal'
JAMIE
'You Rednecks really are a miserable bunch'
INT. PUB - EVENING (LATER)
Killian walks out the front door, and is greeted by
Bosco, a well built rugged man in his 30's
KILLIAN
'You waiting on a taxi home Bosco'
BOSCO
'I wouldn't spend the money on one , no, ive tied Pancho up in the Car Park'
KILLIAN
'Who's Pancho'
BOSCO
'My horse. I always tie him up in the Village Car Park when i go for a few drinks. Stops the aul drink driving'
Killian laughs, pats Bosco on the back and walks home
INT. MIKES HOME - KITCHEN
Killian enters the house via the Kitchen. The house is a small terrace house, theres an Old lady in the Kitchen putting items in cupboard
BRIDGET THE CARER
'Jesus Mary and Joseph, you nearly gave me a heart attack'
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Right, I won't dissect your style because the actual script needs to be the focus.
Your problem with the opening is that it's too short - we need to either see how miserable the whole team is or skip straight to the dressing room, with the opening shot being something akin to:
AWAY DRESSING ROOM - DAY
Men built like killing machines chuckle, spirits high.
One player, still in his rugby shirt, a slight sweat on his brow, guzzles a Lucosade. A tank of a man strolls past in a towel, wet from the shower. The Lucosade-guzzler holds out a palm casually, the tank-man slaps it in victory.
HOME DRESSING ROOM - DAY
MIKE, a burly, red-faced Irishman in his early 50s, stomps back and forth, his voice growing louder with each step as he declares -
MIKE
Shite. Shite. Shite!
The team, a particularly unathletic-looking group of Irish lads, early 20s (or whatever), sweaty and muddy, sit on the three benches lining the wall facing him. One of the players with a JEDWARD MOP rolls his eyes as if used to the speech and bored by it.
Mike picks up a water bottle -
MIKE
Absolute feckin' shite!
Mike hurls the bottle down at the floor -
It bounces up, hits a Jedward Mop in the groin. He slinks to the tiles, cluthing his manhood.
Mike doesn't apologise, instead, uses the mishap to launch into his next tirade -
MIKE
Yeah, bollocks. That about sums you sorry mob up!
I'm not a comedy writer so I'll stop there, but it seems to me that a lot of aspiring writers think that writing line-upon-line of dialogue as the lead players go about their daily business is what comedy is all about.
It isn't. It's about getting a chuckle out of your audience.
Make your opening strong in the sense that it either represents your team and the challenges they're going to have to over-come, or by making your audience laugh. Both would be best.
Your scenes are too short to present any story value and not amusing enough to justify their existence. I'm being exceptionally harsh because you're telling us that your script's too long and I want you to know EXACTLY why: too much meandering.
Professionals don't mess about, they get straight to the point. They present a story and if it's a comedy, it's humorous (to some degree) from the get-go. No mistaking the genre.
Amateurs meander and professional readers (AKA "Gate Guardians" - the Cock Blockers of an agent's underwear) put their scripts down somewhere between the first and tenth page... and these aspiring writers are never any the wiser as to why so can never develop.
In your pages, you go from the game to the dressing room and then to the pub, to have a couple of lads talk about an ugly girl before revealing their stupidity in buying a can of deodorant, to then move on to the home of one of them, all within the first three pages... but get this, because here's the really important part: nothing happens.
If the average Gate Guardian puts a wannabe's script down within the first ten pages, why aren't your first three falling all over themselves to make a damn good impression?
I get that Kevin Smith can pull these kind of things off, but you really need to focus on your story first and your dialogue secondly, or you'll ultimately have a funny script - at best - in which nothing happens (or not for a very long time).
Again: apologies for being tough, but write with your story in mind and you'll captivate the attention of audiences; write scene A, scene B, scene C, etc., for not much reason other than to insert a couple of lines you yourself would admit to only be mildly amusing, and your script won't last to page 20.
Your problem with the opening is that it's too short - we need to either see how miserable the whole team is or skip straight to the dressing room, with the opening shot being something akin to:
AWAY DRESSING ROOM - DAY
Men built like killing machines chuckle, spirits high.
One player, still in his rugby shirt, a slight sweat on his brow, guzzles a Lucosade. A tank of a man strolls past in a towel, wet from the shower. The Lucosade-guzzler holds out a palm casually, the tank-man slaps it in victory.
HOME DRESSING ROOM - DAY
MIKE, a burly, red-faced Irishman in his early 50s, stomps back and forth, his voice growing louder with each step as he declares -
MIKE
Shite. Shite. Shite!
The team, a particularly unathletic-looking group of Irish lads, early 20s (or whatever), sweaty and muddy, sit on the three benches lining the wall facing him. One of the players with a JEDWARD MOP rolls his eyes as if used to the speech and bored by it.
Mike picks up a water bottle -
MIKE
Absolute feckin' shite!
Mike hurls the bottle down at the floor -
It bounces up, hits a Jedward Mop in the groin. He slinks to the tiles, cluthing his manhood.
Mike doesn't apologise, instead, uses the mishap to launch into his next tirade -
MIKE
Yeah, bollocks. That about sums you sorry mob up!
I'm not a comedy writer so I'll stop there, but it seems to me that a lot of aspiring writers think that writing line-upon-line of dialogue as the lead players go about their daily business is what comedy is all about.
It isn't. It's about getting a chuckle out of your audience.
Make your opening strong in the sense that it either represents your team and the challenges they're going to have to over-come, or by making your audience laugh. Both would be best.
Your scenes are too short to present any story value and not amusing enough to justify their existence. I'm being exceptionally harsh because you're telling us that your script's too long and I want you to know EXACTLY why: too much meandering.
Professionals don't mess about, they get straight to the point. They present a story and if it's a comedy, it's humorous (to some degree) from the get-go. No mistaking the genre.
Amateurs meander and professional readers (AKA "Gate Guardians" - the Cock Blockers of an agent's underwear) put their scripts down somewhere between the first and tenth page... and these aspiring writers are never any the wiser as to why so can never develop.
In your pages, you go from the game to the dressing room and then to the pub, to have a couple of lads talk about an ugly girl before revealing their stupidity in buying a can of deodorant, to then move on to the home of one of them, all within the first three pages... but get this, because here's the really important part: nothing happens.
If the average Gate Guardian puts a wannabe's script down within the first ten pages, why aren't your first three falling all over themselves to make a damn good impression?
I get that Kevin Smith can pull these kind of things off, but you really need to focus on your story first and your dialogue secondly, or you'll ultimately have a funny script - at best - in which nothing happens (or not for a very long time).
Again: apologies for being tough, but write with your story in mind and you'll captivate the attention of audiences; write scene A, scene B, scene C, etc., for not much reason other than to insert a couple of lines you yourself would admit to only be mildly amusing, and your script won't last to page 20.
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the first ten pages for me is obviously the trickest part...get what your saying about nothing happening in regards to the story within first 3 pages, but the first 10-15 focuses on the hardships they have, which in turn leads to them turning to crime...the GAA (Hurling sport as mentioned), is a heavy back drop in the movie, as is with Irish life, so for me, the first 3 pages are just trying introduce the 4 main characters...most action films start with a big opening scene that grabs the readers attention, but I don't see many indie comedies that do that, just gradually add in the jokes or funny scenario's, inkeeping with the story....plenty to improve on with the screenplay....my issues fro the start, was not wanting to go over the top within the first 3 pages, but gradually pull the viewer in...but I will reassess the beginning...really appreciate the feedback
Also, just an FYI, and others have probably told you this, if you are writing for someone else to produce, to sell, the first 3 pages better be good because that's all 90% of the people who see it are going to read. The first 10 pages REALLY better be good because that's all 99% of the people who see it will read (unless those first pages are good enough prompt them to read on)..
ive already changed the opening, and scrapped the opening hurling match to an action scene which ties perfectly into the film...ive been lazy in that because I am wanting to direct the film, ive left some of the 'action' out of the screenplay, as I can explain to said actors...but I am going to rectify this
