archived-videos Kristie - series pilot

J

jamiefranz

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I just uploaded part 2 of 3 of a pilot for a drama series that I wrote, produced, directed and edited to Youtube. I'd like to get some opinions and thoughts here on it. I'll be adding the 3rd part tommorow or Thursday likely.

Kristie, the lead character, struggles with her sexuality and goes into a downward spiral of self destruction.

Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTQ_0ktnYOA

and
Part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLRj0aGcuaA

and...
Part 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHZXFVawIcU


Looking forward to hearing the thoughts of the board. Thanks in advance :)
 
Last edited:
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Just finished watching the first two parts. Definitely post the conclusion. :)

Well, you asked for opinions - here's mine.

Lighting needs a lot of work. Many scenes have poor lighting; the rest need a lot of colour-correction that could have been easily avoided.

Pay more attention to the audio. Both source & post. (You edited this?)

Get creative with the editing! For example, the phone conversation (starts at about 2:15 in Part 1) consists entirely of a back & forth series of cuts. There's no focus on anything here. It's as on the nose as the dialogue. Just a set of responses, cued to the script.

Your story has a lot of potential, and I also believe the topics it's covering are important for your particular audience. I'm just sayin' that there's a lot of attention to basic details that (as a filmmaker... not just writer) that you should be looking to work at improving on.

If you cannot do it by yourself; find people who can help.

There's only so many hats you can wear, at one time.

Good luck with the rest of the series. :)
 
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