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Kill Each Other. Live Forever. Short film script.

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I enjoyed it but there was something a little unsatisfying about it. I'll have to think on it. I like the change we see in the three scenarios. Maybe it's just the end changes seem to forced. The Robert/Jerry ending just seemed too "and then ... uh ... happily-ever-after". The same with Lucas and Rose. I think Lucas really needs to push more and Rose, who's hurt, needs to be convinced. I guess also, would there really be a restaurant open under those circumstances given the radio announcement. It would almost be more believable if Robert proposes an "elaborate dinner" and pulls out TV dinners and they sit on the couch watching a DVD.

Don't misunderstand, I like the short. I just think those two segments need more conflict and be more believably resolved given the situation. Good luck.
 
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Thanks Fantast SciFi. I love the tv dinner idea. Great point on the restraint thing. I'm loving that idea.
Now in Rose/Lucas did it make sense that he was only giving in to satisfy her? Or do I need to make that clearer?
 
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It comes across with Rose and Lucas. From my personal relationship experience, if you tick off a woman she won't immediately be so forgiving. I just think you need to really juice it up. She is REALLY hurt and upset. He needs to be REALLY fawning and apologetic. I mean, in essence, he's told her "I wouldn't want to be with you if you were the last woman on earth." That's gotta hurt. For her to roll over and act as if it was all better just seemed a little flat. That was my take.
 
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