As an exercise in writing two people talking with some interesting
stakes it's something decent. This will be easy to shoot if that's
your plan.
Some of the lines are too obvious - too βon-the-noseβ is the term.
But it's compelling.
I always assume a writer is very purposeful with their writing so I
wonder about you use of uppercase in the opening. You must have
a reason, right?
Why do up use uppercase for β...he LIES there bleeding.β? But not
for βHe lies in a room...β?
Why do you use uppercase when you describe the size of the dresser
and bed?
I'm always curious how writers choose to use uppercase in a screenplay.