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Is this scene too dark?

Hey guys. I'm working on a scene for this mini series my brother and I are trying to make. I felt really squeamish writing this part and I'm wondering if this is too much? What do you guys think? Should I keep it, tune it down a bit, or just trash it altogether?

INT. SEXAHOLIC’S ANONYMOUS GROUP – AFTERNOON

TODD

I didn’t always want to be sick, you know?

Several people are sitting in a circle. The place is very plain, like a meeting hall in a library.

TODD

But, I don’t know…I mean, when you have a disease like AIDs…People take you seriously..They start to listen. They give you that attention. I didn’t have that where I grew up.
Several people in the crowd are shocked by what he’s saying; except for Ambrose.

TODD

Groups, like this. They don’t give you the same kind of connection that a group full of AIDs victims can give you.

The therapist gives a contemplative look.

TODD

Everyone’s going through the same horrible death. Something like that just makes you…Like brothers.
Todd pauses for a moment, like he’s going back to a different time.

TODD

I joined a group in the late 90s; gift givers. They really took pride in the whole AIDs thing; like a badge of honor for gay people. They offered to give it to anyone for free.

Todd bursts out in tears. The people around him give a sad expression, except for Ambrose.

TODD

But, I fucked up. God, I fucked up…There was a kid. He couldn’t have been older than 17. He wanted aids just like me so, I gave it to him. But he opted out at the last second…I didn’t stop.
The people around Todd are giving looks of disgust and disapproval.

TODD

They charged me for raping a minor. I would have gotten life but the kid was nice enough to admit that he wanted it at first. They shut the whole group down and that was that..15 years later here I am; out of prison…All that to be with others and now I’m gonna die alone…
Todd starts to sob uncontrollably.

TODD

I’m sorry.

THERAPIST

That’s ok, Todd.
 
Seems to me this is supposed to be an uncomfortable scene. Thus feeling uncomfortable while writing it is probably a good thing.

I don't know anything else about this miniseries, but why would you tone this down at all? Run with it!
 
Nah, it's fine.

Pretty much normal convo for the concluding court scenes in any given 'Law & Order' episode.

Just talking about committing moral and legal crimes, no visuals on screen, just talking.
Not a prob.
 
I've read the book and I'm pretty sure the protagonist never raped a minor and gave them aids
Oh, I thought you were referring to the therapy group part. Not sure why the whole raping a minor thing didn't register as the biggest red flag.

Still, doesn't mean that it can't be successful. Lots of films, tv shows, novels, etc have unlikable and even evil protagonists. Fight Club, Death Note, American Psycho, etc. Those characters are just really well written. It can be a risk to have an unlikable protagonist, but if it comes off, I think it tends to make the film/show/book/etc more compelling.
 
Just a minor point, it's probably not a "Sexaholic Anonymous" Group. The 12 Step programs (xx Anonymous) usually have a public meeting and private meeting. The private meetings are closed and only for those in active recovery with their sponsors. The public meetings can be attended by anyone. Most public 12 Step Programs don't have group therapists as you find in more mainstream addiction recovery programs which use modified 12-Step formats. Even in private meetings, therapists have restricted roles and are often in recovery themselves. Many sex addicts have cross-addictions with alcohol and cocaine being the most common. Many 12 Step programs model themselves after AA. You may want to do a bit more research to make the scene feels authentic when you shoot it.

Also, as a therapist, I wouldn't be so dismissive ("That's okay"). Nor would they in AA where the addict needs to take responsibility and make amends. In most 'old school' groups, denial is actively confronted.
Code:
Todd starts to sob uncontrollably.

                     TODD
         I’m sorry.

As the sobs subside,

                     THERAPIST
         For 15 years, you've had to deal with
         feelings of fear, sadness and loneliness.
         I'm not sure that I understand.  Are you
         saying you're sorry because you gave
         the boy AIDS or because you can't be 
         special anymore? 

Todd stares at the therapist.  There is a period of silence.
Addictions counselors are trained to confront addicts on their thinking errors. If my client pulled that on me, that would be my response. The "I'm sorry" is a response asking for forgiveness. But here, Todd wants forgiveness for the crying that he can generalize to his other activities. By not buying into that game, a therapist presents the emotional content he presented ("fear, sadness, loneliness") and supplies appropriate objects for "I'm sorry"--giving the boy AIDS or not being special because the club is gone.

Most AA groups will have a sign HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Those are the feelings that most often trigger or signal relapse. Fear and Sadness are often the passive side of Anger. Todd's passive anger and loneliness would suggest a potential relapse. I think your dialogue is a good match for what Todd would say just prior to relapsing. If Todd shuts down or flips to being angry, he'll likely relapse within the week. If Ambrose was to jump in to defend him, Ambrose would become Todd's new target.

If he shifts the conversation "I meant because I was crying", I might nod and ask "What do you think was behind your crying?" If he said, "Loneliness" then I'd turn to the rest of the group and ask them about feeling lonely. It takes the heat off Todd but gives him something now to focus on and hear how others have managed those feelings. This Todd is in early recovery.

If he comes back with "the kid" or "special", that's something to explore briefly then turn back to the group. For example, with "the kid", to the group, "Each of you has probably hurt someone you didn't mean to. Can someone share what that felt like and how you made amends?" Something similar for "special". Todd is still in early recovery but is addressing 'deeper' issues.

I don't know where you want to take your script, but as an addictions counselor doing group therapy that is kind of where I would go and what I'd expect from Todd. I don't have a problem with the content. The dialogue was fine up until the therapist spoke. ;)
 
I hope todd isn't the protagonist. Some people will stop watching right there if that's the case.

No, he's definitely not the protagonist. The protagonist is actually a serial killer but, he's very different from most of them. He's terrible in that he murder's homeless prostitutes but, he cares deeply for those he loves and has a huge distain for himself. It's basically a sexual fetish but he's not quite a psychopath. More like a strange mix of both.

But, he's only one out of four characters. Our other characters are much more savory. Imagine Pulp Fiction if it were a heavy drama sci-fi thriller.
 
Sci-fi?
Well, its conflict driven writing, and so it moves. I like how you don't pull your punches here. But there is a balance to everything (i.e. one doesn't want every scene to be a new opportunity to shock to the maximum, feels contrived)
 
Sci-fi?
Well, its conflict driven writing, and so it moves. I like how you don't pull your punches here. But there is a balance to everything (i.e. one doesn't want every scene to be a new opportunity to shock to the maximum, feels contrived)

That's also what I'm concerned about. I have a lot to meditate on. Thanks.
 
Mmm. Good storytelling is like the flow of waves -

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A thing is only known (or felt) by its contrast
 
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