Is this good copy to sell our movie idea?

F

Firm1

Hey everyone,

Not entirely sure if this is where I should be posting this, but I was wondering if you guys could critique this copy I made to promote a mini-series my brother and I are working on. The idea is to create a launch site where they can view this promo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCyfEsH8iSE

After that, if they scroll further down the launch site, they can read this:

Welcome to Ionia Media’s latest sci-fi thriller. Novek is like no other. A mind-bending mini-series set in present-day, follow four characters as they try to survive this surreal and un-expecting phenomenon that has everyone wondering if this is the end of the Universe. Structured like the film, “Pulp Fiction” but with the cerebral feel you get from a Phillip K. Dick novel, the Firman Brothers have passionately spent two years crafting this paradigmal tale that unravels into an amazing larger-than-life twist. It is sure to leave you wondering what else lies beyond our reality. So, check us out and be sure to follow us on Twitter and Facebook as we venture on a journey to bring you this unforgettable story.

Then they can watch the behind the scenes promo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUNxBkE0WNI&feature=youtu.be

I'm just wondering if this is a good way to introduce the mini-series. Here's what the launch site looks like: Ioniamedia.com/novek.

Its still being built so it's not fully done but I just wanted to give you guys a sense of what we're trying to create. Do you guys think others would want to invest in this idea via kickstarter?
 
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These "Sony" Scroll websites always are fun to go through... if not for the content than just to view the pretty programming.

It's a GREAT launch site for an indie series. However, Kickstarter (which is one word without any need for "-") for the most part won't care about clicking on your link to see this. They will want all this information in an interesting Kickstarter format.

Do I know if they'll like your idea? Kickstarting is a game of cunning. You could sell them rocks and make millions, you can try to sell them a masterpiece and never even be seen.
 
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Perhaps I should clarify. This is for our pre-kickstarter marketing, which will be a four to six month period of active marketing. We have a different strategy for kickstarter that also includes this content. Thanks for the feedback though.
 
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Welcome to Ionia Media’s latest sci-fi thriller. Novek is like no other. A mind-bending mini-series set in present-day, follow four characters as they try to survive this surreal and un-expecting phenomenon that has everyone wondering if this is the end of the Universe. Structured like the film, “Pulp Fiction” but with the cerebral feel you get from a Phillip K. Dick novel, the Firman Brothers have passionately spent two years crafting this paradigmal tale that unravels into an amazing larger-than-life twist. It is sure to leave you wondering what else lies beyond our reality. So, check us out and be sure to follow us on Twitter and Facebook as we venture on a journey to bring you this unforgettable story.
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Whether this copy is good to sell your movie idea is a matter of opinion. I can only give you my opinion:

I don't like it. Essentially it says that it's a pulp fiction sci-fi with some other descriptive words thrown in. To me it comes across as a combination of marketing hype and talking up the efforts of the Firman brothers. To me it comes across as the high concept movie that isn't. I love Sci-Fi, I love Thrillers, I love Pulp Fiction. This "copy" doesn't even give me enough interest to click the link to your website, so to answer your question. No, it wouldn't drive me to donate.
 
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When I think back on the movies I have looked forward to seeing I do
not recall any reference to other movies in the marketing. It isn't a
technique that works for me. Nor am I very interested in how passionately
the filmmakers have worked. What draws my interest is the story.

Your copy actually turns me off. I feel like I'm being overly hyped.
 
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Sweetie said:
Whether this copy is good to sell your movie idea is a matter of opinion. I can only give you my opinion:

I don't like it. Essentially it says that it's a pulp fiction sci-fi with some other descriptive words thrown in. To me it comes across as a combination of marketing hype and talking up the efforts of the Firman brothers. To me it comes across as the high concept movie that isn't. I love Sci-Fi, I love Thrillers, I love Pulp Fiction. This "copy" doesn't even give me enough interest to click the link to your website, so to answer your question. No, it wouldn't drive me to donate.
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Sooo...too markety and plastic? I tried being more artistic but the team I'm working with keeps telling me to make it sound like an ad. Thanks for the input though.
 
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Sooo...too markety and plastic? I tried being more artistic but the team I'm working with keeps telling me to make it sound like an ad.
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It's fine that it's an advert. It's copy. It's the lack of meat on the bone that's the problem. The problem is you're trying to say what you think it's like, not what it is.

I think the comment from Rik made a very real point. Referencing other movies works in pitches, but not so much to the audience. I think it's a trick that has fooled audiences so often that it doesn't work anymore. It's like trying to sell me a house based on the quality of the neighbors house.

I suggest taking a read of Save the Cat. It may help you come up with a better way to come up with wording that appeals to the audience.
 
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Okay. I see what you're saying. It's too ambiguous with a lot of action words but not enough depth to give readers a good idea of what it's about. Oh boy...This is gonna be tough because the film is really...well, strange.

I should have done a simple story...fml. Thanks for referring me to save the cat though. Looks interesting. I'm going to check it out.
 
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To give you a push in the right direction: At the core of your film, what is it about? In other words, what is your protagonist's visual outer goal?

There are films that aren't high concept. They're really hard to explain in a way that is interesting to the audience, especially since you have to remain true to the content itself.

This is also why the concept discussed in Save The Cat isn't designed (well in my opinion) to be reverse engineered, but is better used to eliminate the idea/concept up front if you know it cannot be marketed.

Take a movie like Cloud Atlas. How do you explain that movie in about 25 words in a way that is appealing to a wide audience?
 
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Firm1 said:
Oh boy...This is gonna be tough because the film is really...well, strange.
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I love really strange.

Right now you make it seem like a sci-fi version of Pulp Fiction. The beginning
of the video makes it seem like "The Black Hole" crossed with any number
of "Star Trek" episodes mixed with "2012" or "Independence Day".

You want to catch the interest of people who love strange? Tell us what's
strange. Not how it's like other movies. "surreal and un-expecting phenomenon"
doesn't tell me anything. Is un-expecting even a word?
 
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Firm1 said:
Welcome to Ionia Media’s latest sci-fi thriller. Novek is like no other. A mind-bending mini-series set in present-day ...
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OK, that caught my attention! Unfortunately though, your descriptions/explanations appear to have no connection with the actual promo video you've produced. What does widespread panic and a society in collapse look like? Apparently, a peaceful, leafy, perfectly manicured suburb! In fact the only blemish in this otherwise idyllic scene is actors with dirty faces and t-shirts. Far from being like "no other", your video appears to demonstrate a fairly standard no/lo budget drama, not a thriller and not a sci-fi. I found nothing mind-bending or surreal about it and the only thing I was left wondering was what connection, if any, there is between your copy/ad and the actual movie you intend to make.

Sorry to sound so harsh, it's easy to fall into the trap of intending to make something in a particular style or genre and actually making something entirely different or making something which requires a lengthy written or verbal explanation to make that original intension identifiable. I agree with others that you really need to sort out your grammar and references to other films but in addition IMHO, you also need to either describe your film more as your promo indicates or re-work your promo to demonstrate more of the dystopian, sci-fi, thrilling and mind-bending aspects you are describing.

G
 
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Wow, I just want to say that you guys are providing some amazing feedback. I think the point I've been missing all along is the fact that I was dressing it up as a typical apocalyptic thriller like the "Book of Eli" or "28 Days Later". It's not like that at all. It's more of a mental apocalypse like the Leftovers where people are forced to deal with a very confusing and scary situation.

here's the revised copy. Ignoring the grammatical errors, do you guys think this is better?

Welcome to Ionia Media’s latest sci-fi thriller. Novek is like no other. A mind-bending mini-series set in present-day, follow four characters as they try to cope with a surreal and un-expecting phenomenon. A large void appears in the farthest reaches of space and is growing larger consuming everything in its path. In six weeks it will reach Earth. Experts are baffled and have no idea what will happen when it reaches us leaving everyone to wonder if this is the end of the Universe.

But to make matters more confusing, humanity is visited by extra-dimensional beings who carry a message; one that will either save us or destroy us.
 
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Firm1 said:
Wow, I just want to say that you guys are providing some amazing feedback. I think the point I've been missing all along is the fact that I was dressing it up as a typical apocalyptic thriller like the "Book of Eli" or "28 Days Later". It's not like that at all. It's more of a mental apocalypse like the Leftovers where people are forced to deal with a very confusing and scary situation.

here's the revised copy. Ignoring the grammatical errors, do you guys think this is better?

Welcome to Ionia Media’s latest sci-fi thriller. Novek is like no other. A mind-bending mini-series set in present-day, follow four characters as they try to cope with a surreal and un-expecting phenomenon. A large void appears in the farthest reaches of space and is growing larger consuming everything in its path. In six weeks it will reach Earth. Experts are baffled and have no idea what will happen when it reaches us leaving everyone to wonder if this is the end of the Universe.

But to make matters more confusing, humanity is visited by extra-dimensional beings who carry a message; one that will either save us or destroy us.
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Thought I'd help you out with the grammar:
"Present day" (no hyphen) can function as a noun, and requires an article: "It takes place in the present day".

Alternatively, with a hyphen, "present-day" can be used to modify a noun, but then it needs to be followed by a noun: "It takes place in present-day San Francisco"

Un-expecting is not a word. I assume you mean "unexpected". I'm not sure a destructive void in space qualifies as "surreal" either.

"Universe" doesn't need an upper case 'u'.

This version is better, but I dislike empty statements like "X is like no other". It still needs to be tightened up, IMO.
 
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"Minimum words, maximum impact" I think that applies to us no-names, no one wants to put in the energy reading a paragraph when they have no idea if the content is good or not. I think you should make it 1 sentence, 2 sentences max and then let the content do the rest of the talking.

btw im an amateur so take it with a couple grains of salt.
 
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maz said:
Thought I'd help you out with the grammar:
"Present day" (no hyphen) can function as a noun, and requires an article: "It takes place in the present day".

Alternatively, with a hyphen, "present-day" can be used to modify a noun, but then it needs to be followed by a noun: "It takes place in present-day San Francisco"

Un-expecting is not a word. I assume you mean "unexpected". I'm not sure a destructive void in space qualifies as "surreal" either.

"Universe" doesn't need an upper case 'u'.

This version is better, but I dislike empty statements like "X is like no other". It still needs to be tightened up, IMO.
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Oye! I need an editor. Yeah, my grammar sucks. It's definitely something I need to work on. Thanks for helping out with this piece. And awesome! Looks like I'm improving. Still have a long way to go. Its funny because I used to always think that having a good idea was all that you needed. Turns out you need a good idea and also be able to convey the idea properly. You can interpret words in a billion different ways but you can only interpret a movie in one way. With that said, its extremely easy to mess up on the pitch and generate misconceptions about your ideas.
 
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RealJasonBourne said:
"Minimum words, maximum impact" I think that applies to us no-names, no one wants to put in the energy reading a paragraph when they have no idea if the content is good or not. I think you should make it 1 sentence, 2 sentences max and then let the content do the rest of the talking.

btw im an amateur so take it with a couple grains of salt.
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Still good advice. Thanks man!
 
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I used to always think that having a good idea was all that you needed.
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Ideas are like assholes. Everyone's got one and they all stink.

Turns out you need a good idea and also be able to convey the idea properly.
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It's way more than that. If it were that simple, we'd all be making 9 figure studio films. I don't want to discourage you, I just don't want you to think that if you get the wording right of your pitch, the money is guaranteed to follow.
 
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Four friends navigate the increasingly impending end of the Earth due to a recently discovered extra-terrestrial doom. Will an ambiguous and anonymous message save them or just provide false hope until the ugly end?

i didn't watch, just read the thread, but i like doing loglines haha

any closer?
 
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Sweetie said:
It's way more than that. If it were that simple, we'd all be making 9 figure studio films. I don't want to discourage you, I just don't want you to think that if you get the wording right of your pitch, the money is guaranteed to follow.
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Oh, no of course not. There's far more that has to be done, but this is definitely a major hurdle I have to overcome. I've never done film before I started doing this. That promo you saw was the very first piece I had ever done. So yeah, all of this is foreign territory to me. Thanks so much for the advice. Coming on this forum is a major help for me!
 
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