Is this a good script for a short film? Story wise.

[cjnixon]

I have a problem,in my opinion, that my short scripts lack story. I was wondering if any of you could read my short script Upton Sinclair Syndrome and tell me what you think.

What do i need to add to it more and such?

What do you all think?

http://www.easy-share.com/1913028244/Upton Sinclair Syndrome.wps


It is the first draft after all.

 

[Adeimantus]

What IS the story? Dalton is the last man in the world who pretends to interview himself, presumably because he’s bored, being the last man in the world and all. He pulls the petals from a flower on a trampoline and keeps seeing an alien, who disappears each time. The alien turns out to be Upton Sinclair, the author, who died in 1968 I believe; although there is nothing that would lead us to believe it except for the fact the alien says so. He tells Dalton they’ve been testing him, he’s there to help him, then disappears again, which leaves Dalton on his knees asking “Why me?” Have I got it about right?

The title, “The Upton Sinclair Syndrome” is likely an allusion to one of Sincalir’s novels or writings. But I am not a fan, nor have I read much by him, so what the allusion is escapes me.

To your question, is this a good script for a short, I would answer no. Do I think you need to “add to it more and such?” Yes.

What should you add? I have absolutely no idea, since I can’t for the life of me understand what the point is. I suppose it could work as a purely surreal viewing experience, experimental and such.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful. Best of luck with it!

-Charles

 

[cjnixon]

Thank you charles. Im glad you were honest.

To me i have trouble writing short scripts because i dont really develop a plot at all.

And it didnt really have a damn thing to do with Sinclair. I just that an alien claiming to be Sinclair would be intresting.

Do you have any tips on writing short scripts opposed to features?

 

[Adeimantus]

Thank you charles. Im glad you were honest.

To me i have trouble writing short scripts because i dont really develop a plot at all.

And it didnt really have a damn thing to do with Sinclair. I just that an alien claiming to be Sinclair would be intresting.

Do you have any tips on writing short scripts opposed to features?

Hey, CJNixon

In my opinion, a good short film has to exhibit all of the same good writing skills that go into writing a feature script. The only difference being you have much less time to do it in, so every second counts. EVERY detail has to be carefully thought out and be there for a good reason: to either further the plot or dramatic arc, to reveal some important aspect of character, or to illuminate the theme of the story. You need an identifiable beginning, middle and end. You need to start out AS LATE AS POSSIBLE in each scene, and finish AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Every scene and every word and every action description in that scene has to be carefully considered so that it maximizes its impact. Instead of three character-establishing scenes, you'll likely only have room for one, so it has to be perfect in execution and in theory.

It's hard work. In some ways, I think it's harder to write a good short script than a good feature script. In a feature, you've got some elbow room to do your job. In a short, you're in a closet, and you have to somehow figure out how to do the same thing as if you were in an auditorium. On the other hand, because it is a short and you are severely limited, those limitations give you a bit of freedom. There's less room to make mistakes, less room to screw up. Time-walls simplify your task, in other words.

I don't know if this helps or not.

Again, best of luck!

-Charles