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screenplay Is my scene going well?

I have changed this scene around and I know my last Two versions were pretty bad. I'm hoping this time the scene is decent. I recently made edits and I spent a huge chunk of time not looking at this scene because of school. I was having some fun on the last couple of lines. I am using this scene as practice, it is my first project and even though I've been writing and editing for a while, I really just want to use this for practice and make something good with it even though it is very basic and short. Again, my edits are extremely recent because I haven't had time to look at this for the past weeks due to school.
 

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"He goes to turn off a pot of freshly made spaghetti and starts plating"

he doesn't "go to turn off", or "start plating" anything.

May The Fourth Be With You Do It GIF by Star Wars


He turns off a pot of reshly made spaghetti and fills a plate.

"As they eat it is silent, there is no sound from anywhere"

Lol yes I know what silence is, you don't need to define it in your writing. 😄
"They eat in silence"

"and they don't say Anything until Danny breaks the silence."

yeah we can figure that out since there isnt any dialogue until Danny speaks. you could say "they eat in a long moment of silence" or something like that if you want to emphasize how long the silence lasts, just say how long. they eat in a 10 second silence is perfectly okay.

Damn i've only made it a few lines and my post is already growing long

edit - scroll thru the dialogue, i thought the guy was being really non judgemental, letting the other woman make her choices and then the response was "You think you have the right to judge" i thought that was outright bizarre, it didn't add up to what i thought i was reading
 
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"He goes to turn off a pot of freshly made spaghetti and starts plating"

he doesn't "go to turn off", or "start plating" anything.

May The Fourth Be With You Do It GIF by Star Wars


He turns off a pot of reshly made spaghetti and fills a plate.

"As they eat it is silent, there is no sound from anywhere"

Lol yes I know what silence is, you don't need to define it in your writing. 😄
"They eat in silence"

"and they don't say Anything until Danny breaks the silence."

yeah we can figure that out since there isnt any dialogue until Danny speaks. you could say "they eat in a long moment of silence" or something like that if you want to emphasize how long the silence lasts, just say how long. they eat in a 10 second silence is perfectly okay.

Damn i've only made it a few lines and my post is already growing long

edit - scroll thru the dialogue, i thought the guy was being really non judgemental, letting the other woman make her choices and then the response was "You think you have the right to judge" i thought that was outright bizarre, it didn't add up to what i thought i was reading
thank you very much
 
First, I'll echo (but hopefully not repeat) most of what @sfoster said re plating, silence, etc.

Formatting point: when a character is introduced, their name should be in ALL CAPITALS (just that one time).

"They both sit on opposite ends" - of what? You haven't established the existence of a table.

How do we see that "this question bothers him"?
Why does he put his head down "in shame"?

Avoid starting sentences with "well."

I DO like the reveal of his infidelity on page 4 + him trying to buy her forgiveness with meals.
That did tie it all together pretty well but the writing itself needs work as indicated.
 
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First, I'll echo (but hopefully not repeat) most of what @sfoster said re plating, silence, etc.

Formatting point: when a character is introduced, their name should be in ALL CAPITALS (just that one time).

"They both sit on opposite ends" - of what? You haven't established the existence of a table.

How do we see that "this question bothers him"?
Why does he put his head down "in shame"?

Avoid starting sentences with "well."

I DO like the reveal of his infidelity on page 4 + him trying to buy her forgiveness with meals.
That did tie it all together pretty well but the writing itself needs work as indicated.
Thank you very much!
 
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