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Is it too fast?

I'm thinking that i have 2/3 of a film and I might have missed to include the first buildup scenes what do you guys think?

SCARED.

- A boy who is sad, alone wants a way out

- Bullies pick on him at school.

- Boy buys a gun

- Goes to kill his bully, but instead shoots himself in front of the bully


Introduction

[Boy in an empty classroom gets up and walks out of class to go home]

[Boy rides a bus home]

[Boy walks up to his house and inside, then to his bedroom and pictures himself with a gun instead of a toothbrush and puts it to his head]

SCARED TITLE APPEARS

Counselors Room

[Boy talks to counselor about how his grades have dropt, how he’s always been a good student maybe he’s having family problems, then it cuts to his house life]

Home Reception

[Gets home and gets yelled at by his father, boy talks back to his father and his father chases him to him room but the boy locks the door]

Counselor Room Continued

[Boy tells the councilor everything’s great at home]
Beaten

[Boy ends convo with councilor and walks out]

[Boy gets chased by bullies]

[Boy gets beaten up by bullies]


The Choice
[When walking home stops at a roads intersection with two signs at both sides of the street, one says by drugs, other says buy gun]

[Boy takes a second looks at both and the way he came and decides to go with the gun path]

[Then follows a number of directional signs to a gun dealer and buys one]

The Next Night!
[Sits in bed and smiles while holding up the gun]

[Gets up later that night, before he leaves his house he goes into the kitchen and picks up a knife]

[Goes to the bullies house]

[Chases the bully around the house with a knife]

[Stabs the bullies in the leg with the knife]

[Points the gun at the bully and then to himself]

[Slow-mo of the bully jumping towards Semir trying to stop him from shooting himself]

[Slow-mo of Semir hearing voices in his head and flashback of things that have happened]

[Then shoots himself]


SCARED.
 
I don't know if it's because I heard a story that was actually like this, but I feel like it would be all the more powerful if you opened with his suicide, an then explored the reasons behind it after
 
Every story's been done before, Polit, there's no such thing as a new story. All you can do is tell the same story in a fresh, new way. And as for me, I like your original version with the film ending with the boy shooting himself. I wasn't expecting it, and I like being surprised.
 
Coming up with a nice, concise short is difficult to do. Don't mistake your story being simple for it being too short.

You should be in and out of this tale in 1-3 minutes more than likely, and if done well it'll feel tight, but impactful. Most important, though, would be to actually do it, rather than stressing so much about how it would be perfect; that's the easiest way to procrastinate until you give up.
 
I don't think character that goes to kill bully stabs him and than shoots himself is believable.

agreed. and i think a kid being bullied wouldn't be brave enough to chase him with a knife. chasing him with a knife makes you more vulnerable to the bully fighting back, and relies on your own strength and speed. if he had a gun wouldn't he just use that? at least to shoot him in the legs first or something. idk
 
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