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I wrote another script; please, critique it

English and format issues aside, it seems like he knows her or is a regular, but then he eyes her name tag for her name.

Also he feels her chest, and says she isn't pretty. This was odd until...

in the end he was imaginary, okay sure. So she thinks she is not pretty but has a good heart. Okay I get it. It's a little awkward and one-note. Cliche.

Also to hammer it home he is imaginary, you should have the other patron look at her like she's crazy when she talks (because she is talking to herself).

Congrats on writing! Keep at it. That's how you get better.
 
I'm totally amazed by the idea and the way you handled it. A great surprise at the end! I might be amazed by the fact that you like surprises at the end.. I have to say that I'm fed up by short scripts, with good format and everything but no surprise at the end and therefore no emotions at all!

Some very nice parts that I liked are:

1)
MAN
Oh... Does anyone want to become an actress?
(You throw some humor here)

2)
AVA
Gosh! Don’t start with that dumb Pinterest-claptrap quotes.
(Mentioning something modern like Pinterest)

3)
The man eyes Ava’s name tag.
(Nice scene on screen)
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There are some things in the story though that needs more work to become plausible.

1) In who's cup is Ava pouring coffee, if there is no man there?

2) Is she talking out loud or thinking? Somehow at the end it has to become clear.

3) Is the other woman sitting near or far? Is she aware of what is happening? - Listening or watching any weird behavior.
(maybe put a scene that she is reading the newspaper very focused)

4) He talk to her like he knows her although he doesn't.
(maybe make her 21 and him an old man with white beard smoking a pipe)

5) That scene that touches her heart must be deleted...
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Either way the story is very simple, but it shows that you have it with good ideas.

Your format is a total mess and you haven't corrected anything since your last script.
 
To show he is imaginary, you could see her look for him, and back to the counter where there is only spilled coffee, a cup's worth.

This could also be her dad. He could give her the pep talk, she looks for him, he is gone. She looks up at an old photo on the wall of him as a chef at the diner, it is a memorial photo with birth/death years.
 
To show he is imaginary, you could see her look for him, and back to the counter where there is only spilled coffee, a cup's worth.

Or have the cup there. She puts it on the counter. She fills it. We never see him touch it, pick it up, drink out of it.

When we see that he’s disappeared, the cup is still there, still full.
 
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