How's my Query Letter?

[PositiveFuture]

I'm going to email the following query letter to a couple of foundations in my line of work. Any tips or advice before I set her sailing? I have a more detailed synopsis ready to go if they bite.

Subject: Funding/Advice for Open Source Educational Documentary Covering Hydroponics/Atmospheric Water And More

Dear Wikimedia,

This is a short query letter to ask if you would be interested in donating towards the production costs of a free, semi-open source educational documentary due to be released on a number of alternative media sites within 5-7 months.

Topics covered:

Atmospheric Water generation

Advanced Agricultural techniques (Hydroponics and beyond)

The Mathematics of Viral Distribution (Viewer doubling time and The spread of Information)

Industrial Hemp as a viable alternative to toxic plastics

The Home Energy Revolution

Alternative Media Positives and Pitfalls

The Psychology of Hopelessness and Confusion

Decentralised Vs Centralised Power Structures

The Overpopulation Myth and Solutions

The low production budget means any money will likely be recovered within a year. The Director is a member of a few high profile alternative media sites, and the publically released script has already generated intense praise and interest. The release strategy, on a few sites with a viewership well in excess of 100,000, ensures the documentary will not get lost in the backwaters of the internet. More details on request.

I'm not sure if this falls under your exact mission statement but I think our beliefs are probably aligned. I'm sending this to a number of you, listed below, as I do not want this email to get lost in your spam filters. Currently 45 minutes of the narrative sections of the documentary has been made to a 'low budget rough cut' level; far from release quality but enough to get an idea of what is happening.

Later, I hope to add street interviews with people from all over the world, exciting music sections and various other spices. I am quietly approaching a few institutions and companies to see if they can offer some sort of sponsorship.

I can send a more detailed synopsis, examples of positive feedback on the script, excerpts from a great soundtrack, a detailed business and production plan, plus any other information you would like if you're interested.

Hope to speak to you sometime,

All the Best

XXXX

Wish me luck!

 

[Tinalera]

I'm going to email the following query letter to a couple of foundations in my line of work. Any tips or advice before I set her sailing? I have a more detailed synopsis ready to go if they bite.



Wish me luck!

ARGH! I lost all I wrote! Okay, to sum up (again!)

Find the name of person in Wiki who is responsible for handling queries-Mr, Ms, or Mrs(and be sure you use the proper one!)

Do research, 2-3 sentences on what you know about Wikimedia-companies like it when you take the time to learn about them.

The "I hopes"-should be change to more affirmative. Unless you are sure about the street footage and whatnot, don't mention it. Also, "I hope to hear from you"-"I look forward to meeting/discussing my project with you"-again, affirmation-you want them to know you're positive about things-they would be funding you-you wouldn't fund someone who "isn't sure" about things

I wouldn't go into all the different sections in the query letter-leave that for the more "detailed" letter if they want more information.

Be sure to include more than one source of info if you have it-Phone, Email, whatever. (And if you include an email, make sure it's appropriate-don't know if you have your own or you use webmail, but " asmith@yahoo(or whatever mail) is more appropriate then a Postivefuture@yahoo for IE).

Not sure about mentioning possible other funding (I don't think you want them thinking "why are you asking us then"?


Now, I'm sure my advice may be corrected by those who have a lot experience with this sort of thing. You do have a professional tone and I like the outlay of the page.


You're coming along nicely.

 

[Graeme]

You may also want to list your take or if you have the 45 minute film a link/copy to your perspective funders so that they can judge if your ideals and theirs match.

 

[Libby]

You opened with 'this is a short query letter'. I think I would edit that part out. One, they would probably know its query without you telling them it is and two I didn't think it was short.

 

[directorik]

You make a number of rookie (understandable) mistakes.

As Libby mentioned, there is no need to tell the person reading a
letter of inquiry that what they are reading is a query letter.

I’m not sure what a “free, semi-open source educational
documentary is. Are you sure the person receiving this letter
knows what you mean?

You say you are asking for donations. But you say the documentary
already has a release date - sometime within 5 to 7 months. If you
don’t get the donations will the movie still be released within 5
to 7 months? Or do you need the donation to cover the production
costs? If it takes you 10 months to raise the production costs you
cannot release the movie in 7-7 months.

“The low production budget means any money will likely be
recovered within a year.” You can’t make this claim. No matter
what the budget (low or high) there is no likelihood of any money
being recovered. People with money know this.

“The release strategy, on a few sites with a viewership well in
excess of 100,000, ensures the documentary will not get lost in
the backwaters of the internet.” You can’t make this claim either.
You HOPE the documentary won’t get lost in the backwards of the
internet. You BELIEVE the documentary won’t get lost in the
backwards of the internet. But you cannot ensure this.

“I'm not sure if this falls under your exact mission statement”
You should not send a letter to a company or organization whose
mission statement you aren’t familiar with. ONLY send a request
for donations to a company or organization whose mission
statement you KNOW your project fits.

Are you asking for donations or for investors? You mention
recovering money. Will the donations be returned from this
recovered money?

 

[PositiveFuture]

Thanks a lot everyone for some well thought out and informative points. I shall be editing the letter now to take on board what you've suggested. Tinalera especially, thanks for taking the time to rewrite after you lost what you wrote! I normally draft long posts in gmail so this doesn't happen.

Directorik, thanks for the close reading... I'll post the recut soon.

I have the savings to make the film myself if I don't get funding, but a bit more money would allow me to take on a couple of assistants, travel more, get some better shots etc. I have a fairly detailed cost breakdown ready for them. I'll post that later...

Cheers all.

 

[PositiveFuture]

As Libby mentioned, there is no need to tell the person reading a
letter of inquiry that what they are reading is a query letter.

LOL, that made me laugh.

OK, here is the directors cut. My contact details are edited out but I've given a few contact options as suggested. I'll probably personally address it to each contact, as as TL advised. I left the topic overview in, TL, as I believe that's a central point. Leaving it out is too vague.

Subject: Funding/Advice for Open Source Educational Documentary About Hydroponics/Atmospheric Water And More

Dear Wikimedia,

Would you be interested in donating towards production costs of an educational documentary due to be released for free on a number of alternative media sites within 5-7 months? The feature length film aims to raise awareness of a number of technologies that can dramatically raise standards of living worldwide.

Topics covered:

Atmospheric Water generation

Advanced Agricultural techniques (Hydroponics and beyond)

The Mathematics of Viral Distribution (Viewer doubling time and The spread of Information)

Industrial Hemp as a viable alternative to toxic plastics

The Home Energy Revolution

Alternative Media Positives and Pitfalls

The Psychology of Hopelessness and Confusion

Decentralised Vs Centralised Power Structures

The Overpopulation Myth and Solutions

*

The Director is a member of a few high profile alternative media sites, and the publicly released script has already generated intense praise and interest. The release strategy, on a few alternative media sites with a membership well in excess of 100,000 - gives the documentary a good chance of being seen by a tens of thousands of viewers upon its initial release. Thereafter, it has a fighting chance of being spread virally to many more viewers.

I have seen Jimmy Wales give a number of interviews, and I understand Wikipedia and Wikimedia have aims above and beyond simply making information available to all. I know you also support projects that aim to raise standards of living worldwide, such as One Laptop Per Child. I think this documentary is in direct alignment with these aims.

Currently 45 minutes of the narrative sections of the documentary has been made to a 'low budget rough cut' level; far from release quality but enough to get an idea of what is happening. Later, I will add street interviews with the public from all over the world, big music sections and various other spices. I am quietly approaching a few institutions and companies to see if they can offer some sort of sponsorship, either in the form of a donation or investment.

I can send a more detailed synopsis, examples of positive feedback on the script, excerpts from a great soundtrack, a detailed business and production plan, plus any other information you would like if you're interested.

Look forward to hearing from you,

All the Best

Brad Kubrick

EDIT: Just sent the above cut to three Wikimedians. I'll start slow but sure I have enough funding to do the whole thing myself, which means I can relax and take it easy.

 

[Tinalera]

Thanks a lot everyone for some well thought out and informative points. I shall be editing the letter now to take on board what you've suggested. Tinalera especially, thanks for taking the time to rewrite after you lost what you wrote! I normally draft long posts in gmail so this doesn't happen.

Directorik, thanks for the close reading... I'll post the recut soon.

I have the savings to make the film myself if I don't get funding, but a bit more money would allow me to take on a couple of assistants, travel more, get some better shots etc. I have a fairly detailed cost breakdown ready for them. I'll post that later...

Cheers all.

No problem Trust me, my original was a LOT longer Keep us up to date on your progress!