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How is this Logline?

An amateur sketch artist who reluctantly decides to give up his dream after being rejected from an art institute; comes face to face with his very own creations that have come to life.
 
I like it! Sounds like a fun Night at the Museum project or something

Hey but I dunno about the semi-colon - seems like a bit of a wrong usage of it. Maybe try losing it? Does it read better?
 
It sounds like an interesting concept. I think you should continue with this project.

The problem I see with this logline is that it doesn't set up the real conflict.

Hero, stuck in shitty-ness, makes bold moves to solve big problem.

That's how a logline should read.
 
Hey but I dunno about the semi-colon - seems like a bit of a wrong usage of it...
Yep, definitely doesn't belong there!

Also agree with Cracker; we need some conflict! <---- Proper use of a semi-colon...

Why should we care if he meets his creations? What effect does it have? Using the Night At The Museum example, the story isn't about the exhibits coming to life, it's about the criminals trying to steal an artifact from the museum, and the quest to stop them...
 
An amateur sketch artist who reluctantly decides to give up his dream after being rejected from an art institute; comes face to face with his very own creations that have come to life.
The concept is good, but the logline is falling flat. I'd rewrite something like:

An art school reject comes face to face with real-life versions of his own creations and [here's the part where you tell us the actual conflict of the story].
 
An art school reject comes face to face with real-live versions of his own creations and he is the only one who can stop their destruction.

?
 
An art school reject comes face to face with real-live versions of his own creations and he is the only one who can stop their destruction.

?
Interesting. When I read this one I instantly thought of the recent kids film "Goosebumps" which has a very similar plot.

I would have summarized it like this:

"Famed reclusive writer R.L. Stine is the only one who can stop his nightmarish characters after his teenage daughter and their neighbor accidentally bring them to life."

But I just checked the IMDb and this is what they had on there:

"A teenager teams up with the daughter of young adult horror author R. L. Stine after the writer's imaginary demons are set free on the town of Madison, Delaware."
 
Interesting. When I read this one I instantly thought of the recent kids film "Goosebumps" which has a very similar plot.

I would have summarized it like this:

"Famed reclusive writer R.L. Stine is the only one who can stop his nightmarish characters after his teenage daughter and their neighbor accidentally bring them to life."

But I just checked the IMDb and this is what they had on there:

"A teenager teams up with the daughter of young adult horror author R. L. Stine after the writer's imaginary demons are set free on the town of Madison, Delaware."
Yeah, but those aren't loglines. A logline isn't something you write to communicate the basic story to general audiences. A logline is specifically for filmmakers communicating with other filmmakers, or more specifically, a screenwriter trying to sell a script.
 
An art school reject comes face to face with real-live versions of his own creations and he is the only one who can stop their destruction.

?
I would suggest that "their destruction" is too ambiguous - after reading the line a few times I still have no idea whether it relates to the destruction they are causing, or their own destruction (perhaps at the hands of a third party).
 
Yeah, but those aren't loglines. A logline isn't something you write to communicate the basic story to general audiences. A logline is specifically for filmmakers communicating with other filmmakers, or more specifically, a screenwriter trying to sell a script.
I don't think this is true. Loglines are designed to be the shortest and most effective expression of what the film is about, to anybody reading it. Why would it be different whether a filmmaker were reading it, or a potential audience member? Your pitch to a studio should make them want to watch the movie, essentially making them a potential audience member.

What you said just makes no sense to me.

Either way, once a potential financier or audience member hears the logline, if they want to know more about it, they read the synopsis.
 
I don't think this is true. Loglines are designed to be the shortest and most effective expression of what the film is about, to anybody reading it. Why would it be different whether a filmmaker were reading it, or a potential audience member? Your pitch to a studio should make them want to watch the movie, essentially making them a potential audience member.

What you said just makes no sense to me.

Either way, once a potential financier or audience member hears the logline, if they want to know more about it, they read the synopsis.
Well, I'm certainly no expert on the subject. I've read a whopping total of two instructional books on screenwriting, both by the same author.

But for what it's worth, I'm not sharing my theories on the subject. I'm just doing my best to relay Blake Snyder's method (Save the Cat!), and that dude was rather successful. As I understand it, a logline is not a marketing tool for general audiences. Loglines don't end up on movie posters. That would be a tag-line. A logline is designed to convey the most important information to a filmmaker who might want to get involved in the project.
 
Great points!

An art school reject comes face to face with real-live evil versions of his own creations and he is the only one who can stop them.
 
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