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How do I format a scene like this?

H

harmonica44

In my script a woman's bodyguard has to search her house to see if men who may want her dead, are inside. He has to search every room, before the scene can move on with the plot. Can I write it like this:

He searches every room in the house, with his hand on the grip of his gun, ready to draw...

Or do I have to write a scene heading for every time he enters a different room? Which looks more professional? Thanks.
 
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can you show anything new in every room? anything that will move the story? Are there clues in the rooms? if not, then why would you need to show him walking though every room.. If i was in audience, i would get bored.

Think as your audience. Would you be bored watching the guy walking from room to room, and see nothing?
 
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dlevanchuk said:
can you show anything new in every room? anything that will move the story? Are there clues in the rooms? if not, then why would you need to show him walking though every room.. If i was in audience, i would get bored.

Think as your audience. Would you be bored watching the guy walking from room to room, and see nothing?
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+ (the audience)
 
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dlevanchuk said:
can you show anything new in every room? anything that will move the story? Are there clues in the rooms? if not, then why would you need to show him walking though every room.. If i was in audience, i would get bored.

Think as your audience. Would you be bored watching the guy walking from room to room, and see nothing?
Click to expand...

If it were to be directed, it would be shown very quick in quick cuts. just him opening some doors to see that there is no one there. It's just so the audience knows he searched and did his job, so the plot can move on. After he's done he can let her out of his site, and she does something crucial to the plot then, without him knowing. But he's gotta search first, before he let's her out of his site, so it makes sense. This is why I wanted to write it in one sentence, without scene headings, so the reader gets it, and can move on quicker, if it's proper without headings.
 
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I would think that writing that he searches the house, room by room, looking for intruders would suffice. Also, if he is expecting that he might find someone, he would likely have his pistol drawn. You can use this tidbit to communicate his thoughts about the validity of the client's danger to the audience non-verbally. If he thinks that she isn't really in any danger, he would be almost casual in the search of the house. If he thought that the threat was real, he would be much more diligent in the search and would be more alert when doing it.
 
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True I will have him with his pistol drawn. I was thinking whether or not to, and was going by other movies, like Bullitt or The Dark Knight, in scenes, where cops don't draw their pistols, but have their hands on the grips, until they actually see the threat.
 
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It's your story, you can write it however you want, but in real life waiting until you perceive the threat to draw is a bad way to die. The reason that cops in movies don't have their guns drawn when searching houses/cars/boats/etc. is that Hollywood perpetuates the idea that guns are in and of themselves bad and the 'good guys' should be able to handle things without them. If real cops acted like the ones on the screen, there would be hundreds of cops killed every day.
 
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Oh is that why. I thought since I saw movies do the same thing, that maybe it was an actual police procedure that was learned. Yeah I figured in The Dark Knight the cops should have used their guns more. Swat officers charging towards Jokers men and hitting them with their guns instead of shooting, when the men were armed. Good movie, but would it have killed them to show the cops shoot them?
 
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I don't agree with the whole idea of boring the audience. There are loads of scenes in movies where nothing is really happening except building tension and anticipation.

How large is the house he's searching? Are there a lot of rooms? If so maybe have him check 2-4 then decide to get outta the house with the girl. Its not like they'd hide in linen closets and bathrooms.

As far as writing it. As always if you're shooting however you want. I assume you;re not or you wouldn't ask. I would think that any way that is clear of what the body guard is doing would be okay. A line about him checking the house is not sufficient if its important. If he's attached to the woman like romatically-have his gun drawn-he'll want to keep her safe no matter what and would want maximum awareness and protection.

I would do it as a series of shots or individual sluglines-whichever made more sense to me when I wrote it.

Series of Shots-Bodyguard searches house

a) John draws his gun. He slowly pushes the kitchen door open.

b) John creeps through to the living room, quickly aiming around a corner. Nothing.

c) John softly inches upstairs. Watches the landing with gun aimed.

d) John slowly enters the bedroom, looks around.

e) John looks out the window-a CAR PARKED in drive way, keys on a nightstand.

Back to scene:

John grabs Lucy and hussies her out the door and into the car.
 
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Okay thanks, but she's right behind him as he searches. He can't leave her alone, in one room, while he's off searching another. The point of showing the search is so after he can finally leave her alone, she can do something sinister behind his back.
 
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I would write what you wrote, typing the heading isn't necessary.

On a side note, correctly utilizing a search in a movie can create tension, but your search seems pointless. I recommend you revise the scene.
 
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Well he needs to leave her alone, so she can do something without him knowing. But it won't make sense for him to leave her alone, knowing she's a target for murder, and someone could be in the house. I can't think of it being logical with him leaving her alone, unless the audience knows he searched first, and it's safe. So either I have to establish to the audience that the house has just finished being searched when the scene starts out. But then the audience will wonder what they are doing there, since the killers know where she lives, not knowing that they just arrived five minutes ago, and searched, just before the scene started.
 
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harmonica44 said:
Well he needs to leave her alone, so she can do something without him knowing. But it won't make sense for him to leave her alone, knowing she's a target for murder, and someone could be in the house. I can't think of it being logical with him leaving her alone, unless the audience knows he searched first, and it's safe. So either I have to establish to the audience that the house has just finished being searched when the scene starts out. But then the audience will wonder what they are doing there, since the killers know where she lives, not knowing that they just arrived five minutes ago, and searched, just before the scene started.
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I'm not very creative, so I can't really help you much with the scene.

But remember the audience tend to form assumptions based on the actors actions. You could use that to your advantage. Example: Actors don't show suspicion, so the audience isn't suspicious.
 
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In some cases, that works but I think for my scene particularly the audience is going to be wondering. Especially since it starts out right at her house. They will wonder where she is, and what is even doing there, if it just jumps in to when he is leaving her alone at the start. Sometimes this will work, depending on what has happened before, but this scene comes weeks later, after the previous scene and the audience will wonder how did the get there, who's house is it, and why. The coming into the house and searching establishes all that. I have been thinking to see if i can make it work another way, after skipping ahead weeks into the plot, but so far I don't think it will work. The actors not showing suspicion will make the audience even more confused at this point in my plot I think.
 
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harmonica44 said:
In some cases, that works but I think for my scene particularly the audience is going to be wondering. Especially since it starts out right at her house. They will wonder where she is, and what is even doing there, if it just jumps in to when he is leaving her alone at the start.
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That's not what I said to do. I'm sure you can come up with some creative solution as opposed to having the bodyguard search an entire house.
harmonica44 said:
Sometimes this will work, depending on what has happened before, but this scene comes weeks later, after the previous scene and the audience will wonder how did the get there, who's house is it, and why. The coming into the house and searching establishes all that.
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Again, I'm sure you can find another solution to establishing her home.
harmonica44 said:
I have been thinking to see if i can make it work another way, after skipping ahead weeks into the plot, but so far I don't think it will work. The actors not showing suspicion will make the audience even more confused at this point in my plot I think.
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How will it cause more confusion?
 
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