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logline Hostage (working title)

ZPashley

Inactive
The logline is for an action/thriller.

Thrilled to be maid of honour for her sister's wedding and dreaming of her own, a small town waitress may not live to the end of her shift, when terrorists took over her restaurant.
 

ZPashley

Inactive
I did have an idea of the antagonists recognising a person in the restuarnt ( diner) who back stabbed them in the past but didn't like it for some reason maybe too complicated.
I am glad that I found Indietalk (only a day) and it is proving ( and I hope it will continue to do so) very helpful and encouraging especially as I am a self - learner. I am grateful.
 

ZPashley

Inactive
If you want to incorporate some dark humor, I have a mental image of the waitress being in the restroom trying on her maid of honor dress to show to her colleagues - and that's when the terrorists storm in. So she deals with the entire encounter while trying to keep her dress neat & clean.

Of course you need a reason WHY they come to that restaurant at that moment. It could be because they're after someone who is eating there, who they THINK (mistakenly?) is there, or because they're running from someone/something.
Something like this : April is in the restroom trying on her Maid of Honour dress and day dreaming of her own wedding when she hears gun fire in the restuarnt.
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Think on a more macro level. These are micro ideas. What is the story you want to tell us? Are you passionate about telling this story? Now put that passion to paper.
 
I like it man. You've got an interesting idea there. At this point, the trappings could go any direction.

If it were my story (which it isn't, I'm just pretending), I would focus on something about the relationship between her and her sister. Make them have a falling out, right before the terrorists hit. It would add extreme drama to the scene, while also providing the underlying moral to it. Maybe "Don't take family for granted, because you never know when you will get to see them again."

Or maybe have her talking about how stupid she thinks it is that her sister is getting married? She's an ass from the get go, but the terrorist accident makes her question her values?

Little back stories like that help me write something interesting to me, and ensures I keep writing even when I don't feel like it.
 

ZPashley

Inactive
I like it man. You've got an interesting idea there. At this point, the trappings could go any direction.

If it were my story (which it isn't, I'm just pretending), I would focus on something about the relationship between her and her sister. Make them have a falling out, right before the terrorists hit. It would add extreme drama to the scene, while also providing the underlying moral to it. Maybe "Don't take family for granted, because you never know when you will get to see them again."

Or maybe have her talking about how stupid she thinks it is that her sister is getting married? She's an ass from the get go, but the terrorist accident makes her question her values?

Little back stories like that help me write something interesting to me, and ensures I keep writing even when I don't feel like it.
That is always my problem getting good ideas but never sticking to it. However, saying that, I think this is the one for me - definitely. My other ideas were good but ended up on the side so to speak. I also, like that idea of the sister falling out might put in somewhere . So many arguments I had between me and brother. We get on ok slightly now that we are grown up.
 

directorik

IndieTalk's Resident Guru
indiePRO
If your idea isn't good enough for you to pursue it to the end then
that idea isn't very good. When you find that story you just can't
get out of your head you will write the screenplay without needing
someone to urge you on.
 

ZPashley

Inactive
If your idea isn't good enough for you to pursue it to the end then
that idea isn't very good. When you find that story you just can't
get out of your head you will write the screenplay without needing
someone to urge you on.
The idea I have is definitely wanting me to pursue it as I want to know what the outcome will be for the waitress and also about the terrorists or gang members. It is the most exciting idea I had in a long time. 😊
 

mlesemann

Staff Member
Moderator
I have 2 ways that I approach writing a screenplay:

1. With "work for hire," I write a detailed outline and submit it to the person who hired me to adapt their book/story/idea to a screenplay. That person gives me notes, I revise, and we do it again. Once we've agreed on the outline, I start the first draft based on that outline.

2. With projects that I write for myself, I usually start with a story idea that I have in my head. I know where I THINK the story is going, but the characters sometimes change that for me as I write. Once I complete the first draft, I go back and beat it into shape :)

In both cases, I force myself to finish the first draft before I go back to the beginning to revise, otherwise I'll never get to the end.

But approach #1 generally gives me a better 1st draft than #2 does.
 
Have been thinking about this during the day (while trying and failing to fix a problem with my car ... :cry: )

The questions that ran through my mind: what kind of terrorists are they? what do they want? have they ended up in this restaurant by accident or by choice? and if by choice, is that for a reason directly connected to their terrorist objectives or simple convenience? Also, where is the restaurant - in a city, in a country town, on the side of a motorway? The story will be quite different if they are Islamic suicide bombers, neo-Nazi sympathisers, resurgent IRA paramilitaries or militant eco-warriors.

I still can't figure out the relevance of April's thoughts about marriage, but started thinking along these lines:
- a group of lads comes in to the restaurant (make it a coffee shop)
- April (Maid-of-Honour to her sister) is desperate for a man of her own, thinks of chatting up one of the lads
- unbeknownst to April, the lads have detoured into the coffee-shop after something went wrong with an attempted terrorist attack they'd tried to pull off nearby
- when she approaches them, the lads aren't in the mood for flirting; then
- as she challenges them to place an order or get out, one of them looks up and she recognises her sister's fiancée ...
 
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Have been thinking about this during the day (while trying and failing to fix a problem with my car ... :cry: )

The questions that ran through my mind: what kind of terrorists are they? what do they want? have they ended up in this restaurant by accident or by choice? and if by choice, is that for a reason directly connected to their terrorist objectives or simple convenience?

That's definitely good line of questioning to start with! Great advice here.
 

ZPashley

Inactive
Have been thinking about this during the day (while trying and failing to fix a problem with my car ... :cry: )

The questions that ran through my mind: what kind of terrorists are they? what do they want? have they ended up in this restaurant by accident or by choice? and if by choice, is that for a reason directly connected to their terrorist objectives or simple convenience? Also, where is the restaurant - in a city, in a country town, on the side of a motorway? The story will be quite different if they are Islamic suicide bombers, neo-Nazi sympathisers, resurgent IRA paramilitaries or militant eco-warriors.

I still can't figure out the relevance of April's thoughts about marriage, but started thinking along these lines:
- a group of lads comes in to the restaurant (make it a coffee shop)
- April (Maid-of-Honour to her sister) is desperate for a man of her own, thinks of chatting up one of the lads
- unbeknownst to April, the lads have detoured into the coffee-shop after something went wrong with an attempted terrorist attack they'd tried to pull off nearby
- when she approaches them, the lads aren't in the mood for flirting; then
- as she challenges them to place an order or get out, one of them looks up and she recognises her sister's fiancée ...
Oh my more ideas😮 My orginal plan was for April to chat with a man who was in a buisness suit who happens to be some sort of former intelligence. Another waitress much younger than April and was on work experience. She was supposed to be working but instead was flirting with the man in a buisness suit but he wasn't interested.April resucued him. Two men then burst in fired a gun and got April to empty the till. Then one of them recognised a man (who was sitting with a woman) who had cheated on them in a game of poker years back.The setting is going to be based off a pub that I go to regularly (coffee morning) in town which is small.
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
It has the feel of a modern western. Watch some old westerns for ideas. Small towns (one strip of businesses in the middle of nowhere), brawls over poker games with gunfire, damsels in distress. Maybe watching some will help and what you can do is modernize it but use some old themes.
 

ZPashley

Inactive
Yes it does and where I live and where the story will be based upon (Ireland) it does feel that you are in the middle of nowhere but not.Boring place really although it does has its own international airport too(hint where Donald Trump recently flew to). Not into westerns though but will give it some thought.
 

ZPashley

Inactive
Omg your joking right and I have not written a fully completed script yet lol I love Stephen Spielberg's films. Note to self save a cheesecake next time he visits 😉😂love cheesecakes myself but why all the way ti Mayo.
 
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love cheesecakes myself but why all the way ti Mayo
Oops - seems I misremembered: he "only" went as far as Ballyvaughan. But there's your story - rich guy flies into Shannon, ends up in a small-town coffee-shop, terrorises the locals with infinite selfies, and eats all their cheesecake before dashing off to a Royal Wedding, all the while being pursued by the Bad Guys who want to take over his empire. The car chase scene down Corkscrew Hill should be great! :lol:

Two men then burst in fired a gun and got April to empty the till. Then one of them recognised a man (who was sitting with a woman) who had cheated on them in a game of poker years back.
Doesn't this make them bog-standard criminal types, rather than terrorists?

And if the businessman is "former intelligence" does that mean he intervenes and turns out to the be real hero? You're heading into Steven Seagal or Liam Neeson type territory there.
 
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