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Padnar

Hi friends ,

I would like some help. I am writing a treatment and I feel that there is no flow.

it is about foriegn princess of Indian rulers . They have nothing in common expect that they are whites.

How can I link them ?

At first I thought I can have a narrator , but than I am using a writer . Are there similar scripts?
I searched but I cant find out .

All suggestions are welcome and thanks
padma
 
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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
If you have never seen ANNA AND THE KING, I highly recommend it. That is good reference for what you are trying to write.
Click to expand...

Thanks I will definitely read the script. I have written only the treatment . It is about the white wives . Indian Rajas those time had in their Zenana many wives . I read about an Indian prince falling in love with a spanish dancer and I just want to write it .
However as I do not want any copywright problems I choose Three white women marrying Indian princes . I want to show their lifestyle and their wealth . Their happiness and misery . It is three different stories.
This is fiction . I want to gel it .

I am pasting my sample treatment As the ship approaches the Port we can see Bombay . The western Ghats a range of mountains bordered it .Groves of Cocunut and Palm trees can be seen.
The ship is anchored . Custom officials come in . Angela her maid and her companion alights
She is taken in a Palanquin beared by four servants to the Hotel .
The Raja’s Minister comes down and meets her and puts her at the Hotel
She is received by the Rajah’s assistant
She dresses up for the occasion
The maid rubs her body with oil and bathes her with milk and water .the dress her with a red saree Her feet is ordained with red slippers embroidered with gold thread. Pearl necklaces and bracelets ordained her body. .
On the elephants back is the howdah which is like a throne and Angela is made to sit on it. Her jewels els and veil is adjusted
The princess is asked to sit cross legged but as a westerner she finds it difficult
So she sits akwrdly and his makes people laugh . but the rajah quells it with his looks
Angela slightly open her curtain and see a crod of people shouting Jai and chanting prayers

The next day he introduces her to his other two wives . The Princess is surprised .
She ask him why she is not told . The Raja told that he informed her parents . However he had fallen in love with her , so he married her.
The Princess lies in her bed and cries . The companion consoles her and says as long she has the Raja ‘s love nothing is the problem.

This is about the first wife

In ACT ii

The lady looks down the native Indians .She dances with others and this is resented by the husband .
While climbing the elephant seat she breaks her thigh bone she curses with hate S
She always looked at the mirror and admired her beauty and other ladies will laugh
She pushed the prince’s son while it tried to sit on her telling I hate children , This angers the RAJMATA .and she slapped her . Stella tried to slap but the prince stopped her and hit her soundly
She dances on the table after consuming liquor .The prince walks away and the native servants laughs at her .
Princess next day comforts him with loving endearments .

I also want to show the III lady . However I want it to gel and this is really a bit tough. pl help and thanks
padma
 
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Padma, I believe you can solve your problem. You worry about making this a movie. First you must make it a story. I like what you have written in your treatment. You have some ideas for each of the three wives and their three princes. Tell their stories.

I would suggest that you first write stories about each of the wives and their adventures. Then you can write a story how they husbands come to know each other and bring their wives together. You can write a story how one of the other wives of a prince gossips about the third prince's wife. Now you have five stories. Write one or two more stories of how these wives experience changes in their lives. Possibly hardships due to the British occupation and rebellions. Perhaps a visit to a hospital or pilgrimage.

Do not try to write your screenplay first. First write your stories as chapters in a short novel. Now you will have all your ideas written down. It will be easier to make your novel into a movie script. Unless you have experience, it can be difficult to write a long script without a good idea of your story.

Your treatment has good ideas. I think you should take time and write more detailed stories for yourself. An example is 'Out of Africa' by Dineson. Her stories were later made into a movie by weaving them together. You should write your short stories. Then you can look at how to weave them together.

You will have more success if you write your stories first. When you completely write your stories, this group can give you better ideas how to join them. It is very hard to weave together ideas when you do not have complete stories. You may be surprised. Many producers like to buy novels and to have professional screenwriters adapt them. Writing a book can be easier than writing a film script. Whether a book or film, the story must always come first.

Just start writing! :yes:
 
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I like FantasySciFi approach, another alternative to a "fully written" treatment, its to come up with stories that you can "tell" like a bed time story in 10 minutes or less. Its much easier to tell your fiends a story over a cup of coffee and get feedback early. So far, it seems to me, that you interesting conversation fodder, but nothing that looks like a story. Think more like a fairy tale..

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Spanish girl who loved her home and family like all young princes maidens do. One day, at her fathers home....

you fill in the rest.
 
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