Help fix my scene with prose

[wheatgrinder]

All,
In the scene below I'm trying to capture the "feeling" expressed in the "bold" line below, however, Im not sure how to make this work in a visual way.. any ideas would be appreciated.. The context is that Jamie is the "Last Little Girl" in the world, all alone etc..

INT. FARM HOUSE-EVENING

In the dim evening light, Jamie is asleep at the piano. The generator drone slowly sputters and stops. The quiet descends upon the room, the house, the farm and the entire world while Jamie's head rests gently on her folder arms. The single "yip" of a coyote echoes in the silence. Jamie's eyes snap open. Jamie waits a few heart beats, holding her breath. She hears the "yip" again. She is on her feet and running for the front door.

 

[Will Vincent]

Does it need to be a visual cue? Its referencing sound, "the quiet descends..."

I think sound cues are what will achieve your desired effect.

The generator sputters to a stop...

The deafening silence of night engulfs the room..

etc. I think the problem you're having a hard time expressing it visually is that it's not a visual thing, it's a visceral audible thing.

 

[directorik]

Looking at this from a directors perspective I am stopped in my
tracks. How do I shoot “quiet descends upon the entire world”? All
while staying INT. FARM HOUSE.

Which, of course, is exactly what you’re asking.

Is the feeling you wish to capture really that quiet has descended
on the entire world? Metaphorically? Literally? If it isn’t, then
you have your solution - leave it out.

I agree with Will. You are trying to incorporate the deeper,
interior feelings that are used in a novel in your script. Not the
correct medium to express the interior feelings of a character.

 

[Brooksy]

I will agree with what has already been said. This is an audible thing not a visual one.

 

[wheatgrinder]

Cool, I get it, thanks.

directorik hits a point I hadn't consider.. Theirs no i requirement to stay in INT. FARM HOUSE ..

Combining a series of "zoom" out views with the visceral quietness will nail the feeling Im after. This is surprising "doable" as, my location has a wonderful overlook.. I can get "the valley" shot quite readily. For The whole world shot,?? hum.. maybe NASA can help out

 

[directorik]

So is it important to you that the director include a shot of
earth? If it is, then you should include that in your script.
Something along the lines of:

INT. FARM HOUSE-EVENING
In the dim evening light, Jamie is asleep at the piano. The generator
drone slowly sputters and stops. The quiet descends upon the room
while Jamie's head rests gently on her folded arms..

EXT. FARM HOUSE-EVENING
The quiet envelops the entire farm.

EXT. FROM SACE
The quite descends on the whole world.

INT. FARM HOUSE-EVENING
The single "yip" of a coyote echoes in the silence. Jamie's eyes snap
open.

I get the impression now that this is something you will be
directing - you already have the location. Am I right?

 

[wheatgrinder]

Heres the rewrite incorporating youall's ideas..

INT. FARM HOUSE BACK ROOM-EVENING

In the low light, Jamie is asleep at the piano. The generator drone slowly sputters and stops. Small sounds of the creaking house, and the screen door softly banging in the breeze mix with the far away clucking of the chickens.

EXT. FARM-EVENING

The farm house windows are dark, the screen door is slowly moving in the the wind which stirs the trees as the creek gurgles by in the gloaming. The chickens nearby quietly scour the gravel road.

EXT. RIDGE OVERLOOKING FARM-EVENING

The farm spreads below the ridge, all activity lost in the distance. Long shadows spread down the valley shading the farm house. The wind swishes through the nearby evergreen trees.

EXT. SPACE\SATELLITE VIEW

The earth below is slowly rotating into night, no city lights are seen on the vast dark continents below.

 

[wheatgrinder]

...

I get the impression now that this is something you will be
directing - you already have the location. Am I right?

Yes your right on! Yes, this is my family, my house, my farm, and my ridge, and so far Im the entire crew and 1/2 the cast. (I love living in the bonnies!)
Rather than fight my limitations, I my trying to embrace them as strengths!

Thanks