watch God's Hand - Short Film

[cjnixon]

Heres my latest short film. First time with and actually actor.

Now first things first. Its bad. Very bad. Acting wise and even directing wise. We both know that. It was for practice.

I learned a TON just from this two minute short and cant wait for my next one. The acting will be improved upon as greatly as possible.

Tell me what you think writing and directing wise. Angles and such.

Thanks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeHdEl_08x8&feature=channel_video_title

 

[FrankLad]

Hey man!

One quick thing... I noticed JesterForce was misspelled in the intro (ie. "A JesteForce Production").

Audio...
The music cuts off abruptly at around :33. I'd try to maybe taper it out somehow, or - if you want to stop it immediately - try doing so in conjunction with a visual. (after the title screen, for example)

The general sound / room tone cuts with each shot. Try to maintain continuous sound through the cuts. (Either minimize the background noise or capture several continuous seconds of it during the shoot and overlay it throughout the cuts for a more seamless sound.)

I'm a fan of shooting handheld, but in this case I feel like it almost calls for locked-off shots to further emphasize the fact that it's just him/them in the room, struggling with inner conflict, etc.

I think I get the general idea of the message you're getting across, but it seems like there was too much dialog being forced out there toward the end.

I'd say to keep it up. Hopefully the above makes and is useful in some way.

Take care!

Frank

 

[cjnixon]

Thnaks for the feedback.

I just noticed that. Hate my keyboard.

Very very good point on the handheld. Ill keep that in my mind.

Also, fantastic point on the music. Ill use that in my next short that i edit. I felt the music cuts were blah myself.

Thanks again!

 

[Jack Lynt]

I like the potential of this. I suspect we've seen previous versions of a character talking to his own hand puppet. No matter, I like yours.

The thing is, this plays exactly like it's a rehearsal. Your actor isn't committed to the role. It's as though he's doing a line reading. I like the actor. I like his look and I think he could be really good for the role --if only he'd actually act. I think if you put more thought and effort into this, it could be a pretty funny comedy or a weirdly chilling drama, or some other mixture of. You don't need anything fancy or particularly expensive to pull something good off with this. No After Effects or some such CGI or whatever.

Beyond some of the technical stuff, if you had put more elbow grease into the basics like good blocking, shooting and framing, and ultimately editing, the basic thing you have put together could be a whole lot better and entertaining. I think the puppet needs close-ups. I think the puppet needs more character. It would probably help if the actor gave himself and his puppet different, distinct voices, for example. Probably more and more thoughtful cuts between your two characters. The dialogue? I'd have to study it more to write a judgement on it. It does, after all, ramble on by awfully fast.

For some reason I can't help wondering what the Coen Brothers would do with this if we somehow persuaded them to do it. Maybe it's the quirkiness of your film and it's idea that grabbed my attention that also has me thinking of them.

Good luck!

 

[cjnixon]

Thanks for the feedback man.
I agree with what you said. I had a lot of mistakes on this.
Me and my actor are working on branching him out acting wise.

Thanks for even mention the Coens in the same post. Gave me a little confidence.

Tomorrow were finishing up my next short and I'm taking in everything I've learned.

Thanks again man.

 

[Zensteve]

Cutting the conversation, from puppet to man & back, would have helped give the puppet more of its own identity. Sure, you'll have to shoot from two angles but I think it could add a lot. (You'd also be able to cut from puppet to man, while retaining audio from hand... making it look like the man wasn't even speaking out loud! Look up J-cuts & L-cuts, under editing)

What's the next short?

 

[cjnixon]

Zen. Yeah I agree with you. That would've been the smarter thing to do.
I'll definitely look those up.

It's a short on Two pill poppers and their close call with a drug dealer.
It's interesting. I think I've improved tons from this short. I hope.
Thanks Zen.