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watch 'Girl in Red' short film

AaronDunleavy

AaronDunleavy

Hi everyone,

Here is my newest short film made on a shoestring budget for my final project at college.
All feedback and criticism is welcome and any questions I would love to answer!

https://vimeo.com/70284021

I hope you enjoy and can't wait to hear feedback,
Aaron.
 
Thanks all, really appreciate the comments. It would be great to hear some constructive feedback too if possible. What didn't you like, what could be improved etc.
 
Okay, some constructive criticism. :) There's one thing that sticks a little, and that's the reverb on the girl shouting "oy, twat" or something like that at 2:15. It sounds like she's in a hall or some other highly reverbant space, rocky valley or something, which doesn't really fit the scene. I would use a different reverb, or at least use more pre-delay and maybe less tail. Also, at around 3:10, when the girl turns her back, her vocals become very hard to hear. I'd suggest raising the volume in there a little (a lot).
 
Thanks for the feedback klawire! Yeah sound recording is something I still need to work on massively, I find it much more complex and frustrating than visuals. We only used a boom to record all of the sound which created a few issues especially with perspective of sound i.e. in the bicycle scene with her shouting. Next project I do aim to experiment with concealed wireless radio mics which may be more effective. Thanks again for the feedback.
 
This is really good. I like the interactions of two people who are so different but find traits about each other that they come to love. The narration is really nice. I think a more meaningful dialogue could have led up to a better kiss; the girls emotions seem to change a little too quick. Why does she run into the water at the end?
 
Hey Aaron,

That was a really beautiful job. I'll tell you what the best part was for me: the fact that I'd just spent 12 minutes watching the damn thing and it only felt like 5. I really enjoyed it.

Are you or anyone on your team a musician by any chance? The guitar pluck at 10:38 was almost perfection. I watched your Rainbow Nation too (I love South Africa, including their cricket :), although England is kicking ass right now). The music there was perfect too. It was very kind of subliminal.

Very nice work.
Aveek
 
Really superb Aaron! Loved every second of it. The production value was excellent (cinematography, sound, music, locations, etc.). I thought it was a nice, lovely story about 2 kids in love too.

But like Hattori, I'm not sure why she decides to drown herself in the end. That felt a little bit rushed to me (character development work?). Also, I got that the guy didn't chase after her because he's afraid of the water but maybe you could've showed him hesitating? Just so we see the struggle in him.

Anyway, great job on this! Can't wait to see more from you.
 
I agree with the others, great film, but the ending didn't make sense to me. I could tell she was troubled, it was evident on her face. But what she was troubled about I have no clue.

I got a question though, what did you use to record your sound? Personally I thought the sound quality of the actor's voices was quite good considering the location you were in, did you do any ADR or was it all recorded on set?
 
Hi all, thank you very much for all of your kind words. I can't tell you how great it is to hear such lovely feedback and I take all of the criticism on board also!

In regards to the ending, some of the story is based loosely on true events but was supposed to be more of a metaphor for the feeling of loosing love - something which a lot of people can relate to! Does the girl drown herself? Does the boy save her? Did the event even happen or is it a blurred recollection of memory being imagined by the boy? Who knows, thats for the audience to interpret.

trueindie, thanks for your kind feedback. The soundtrack was performed by a guitarist from the band tompaulin and was composed just for the film so I hope that helps. The South Africa video music was used from the free Vimeo Music Store!

Micah Conrad, thanks for letting me know your thoughts! The sound was recorded on a Sennheiser MKH 416 recording onto a portable drive which was used from the college where I study. It's quite an expensive microphone and very directional but it produces good results. We didn't do any off set ADR although some dialogue was recorded separately after the take for a better mix. We did struggle with traffic noise and wind due to the locations which was a difficult part of the production.

Thanks again for all of the feedback and I will take on board your comments and hope to improve myself with the next film.
 
Thanks for responding, good to know!
AaronDunleavy said:
Hi all, thank you very much for all of your kind words. I can't tell you how great it is to hear such lovely feedback and I take all of the criticism on board also!

In regards to the ending, some of the story is based loosely on true events but was supposed to be more of a metaphor for the feeling of loosing love - something which a lot of people can relate to! Does the girl drown herself? Does the boy save her? Did the event even happen or is it a blurred recollection of memory being imagined by the boy? Who knows, thats for the audience to interpret.

trueindie, thanks for your kind feedback. The soundtrack was performed by a guitarist from the band tompaulin and was composed just for the film so I hope that helps. The South Africa video music was used from the free Vimeo Music Store!

Micah Conrad, thanks for letting me know your thoughts! The sound was recorded on a Sennheiser MKH 416 recording onto a portable drive which was used from the college where I study. It's quite an expensive microphone and very directional but it produces good results. We didn't do any off set ADR although some dialogue was recorded separately after the take for a better mix. We did struggle with traffic noise and wind due to the locations which was a difficult part of the production.

Thanks again for all of the feedback and I will take on board your comments and hope to improve myself with the next film.
Click to expand...
 
I liked the editing, lighting, sound, acting. great job!!
I would be proud if I were you.

now the criticism..

When they took their day trip, I would have emphasized the girl trying to get away from the town too.. Maybe she is even more anxious than him, and that's part of why they bond. eventually she just can't take it anymore, due to whatever problems are overwhelming her at home or school, idk. You don't even have to tell us, but at least hint that she has some kind of problem and then build. The depression came out of left field, I didn't like it.

As for the ending.. no, the girl doesn't drown herself. If you want to drown yourself you need to attach a heavy object, otherwise you will come up for air. An analogy is trying to hold your breath until you pass out, the body overpowers the will and you start to breathe.
 
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