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Forest (Feedback please)

Hey I'm back after almost a year! I haven't been busy at all just super lazy. Anyway I just finished a new script and here's the first draft: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0ByJPoBCImdApdWs3TnFaX0ZsQm8/view?usp=sharing

I think a did ok job but there are things I thought I could have done better. First I rushed it too much (I feel) and spend enough time establishing the characters or the world. Second I feel some of the action lines (you know what they're doing) could have been written better and maybe more visual. Third it wasn't funny enough for me. Comedy is hard and I think I this could have been better.

Anyway that's about it. Let me know what you thought about it.

Thanks.
 
Nice work there. Love the Jamaican track star reference, you should put it in the dialogue somewhere. All in all i wanted to read it and i believe thats the main thing that counts. I believe its somewhere between a comedy and a slasher that you are aiming for. If thats the case i would love to read more, your style is good. I need a critique on my own work but i don't know if you are up for the challenge. Anyways best of luck with your work. I can really use the opinion of a talented writer like yourself.
 
Um..Thanks. I'm not sure if you're kissing up to me by saying I'm good but thanks anyway. I'm not sure how I'd put that into the dialogue but I'd figure it out. I glad you enjoyed it. Its suppose to be mostly comedy because the horseman they see isn't actually there. If you remember earlier in the story they ate some mushrooms so they're basically hallucinating. I'll be writing more because this is only a first draft. I'll give your stuff a look but I'm not sure I'd be of much help because I'm pretty new at this myself.. I've only been doing it seriously for about two years now. Maybe one. Can't remember.

Thanks again.
 
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