archived-videos Flying -Intro- Really need feedback

M

MaximL

Hey guys/girls

I am currently working on a short film for a my A2 assigment and maybe entering it into film festivals if it turns out alright. We couldn't make the location since it was all locked up so we decided to bang a test intro out in another. I am really looking for feedback on the following aspects

Directing/Cinemotograhpy
Make Up
Sound Design

All done by me :lol:

Anyway guys heres the intro, I don't want to reveal to much about the film as off so I am not going to divulge into what its all about

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctnhTvTzsmA
 
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I don't like the abrupt fade-outs of the sound design. The pad gets climactic and then just stops. Kind of jolting if you ask me. It also sort of sounds like the sound design wants to be too "interesting" and "listen to me, I'm a cool sound effect" rather than contributing to the work.

If I were to sound design this piece, I would go for realistic foley and make it more "documentary style" like Hurt Locker or some such movie.

I'd also make a point to record and feature some of his maniac breathing and "I need a fix" breath and fumbling and greediness.

But, not knowing the plot and the nature of the piece, I can't really be of much more help.

I think it would be more "real" and hard hitting with an approach like that, rather than laying down a finger on a keyboard with Spectrasonics' Atmosphere...

I'll leave the others on this board to speak to you about cinematography and make-up as my specialty is sound.

Good job, though. Looks good.
 
I agree. The sound scheme is too “Horror tension” and in our face to me.

I would also roll with some breathing, footsteps, him slumping down in the chair, the lighter spark etc.

I don’t care for how he shoves the rest of the dope into his pocket, it looks like it would all spill out.


-Thanks-
 
I think they're right about the over the top sound. I know what you're trying to do, give us an idea of the noise in his head. But it has to be done well other wise it won't work.

You have a well shot piece that's spolit with the horror sounds. It's like you don't think the
camerawork's good enough or something. I'd much prefer to hear some footsteps in a warehouse, a creaking door, something like that. Give us a sense of the loneliness of the place.

If you want to get into the guy's head soundwise I would have split second bursts of noise, like Merzbow or something. Less than half a second blasts that just burst up, synced with a different shot. Make the audience jump a bit, and don't do it more than 3 times or you'll over do it.

I thought the head roll back at the end was a bit unconvincing, the rest of the acting fine.

The viewer needs to know what the stakes are, and need a reason to care about this guy, otherwise we can't get behind him. Even if he's the villain, and stole his fix money from his sick grandmother's purse, that'd be OK but you need to make the audience work. At present there's no real tension.
 
Thanks for all the advice guys, very glad I did a test intro so I can use all this feedback in the real piece.

It is definatly too horror like, I wanted some scary elements to make the whole piece unerving but definatly went over the top with that.

I was going to use some really foley but I lost the damn memory card to the H2 and the 550d mic sounds like a piece of shit to be frank.

It would of been eaiser for you guys aswell if I mentioned what the rest of the piece was about.

It follows Greg who has come onto a herroin addiction, after this hit he wakes up before a hooded man who offers him a chance to win a second chance at life IF he can survive a game of russian roulette. The Mans asks Greg six questions, for every right answer a bullet is removed from the chamber but for every wrong answer a bullet remains.

Its a wierd premise I know :D
 
I think the handheld is too messy for one thing. Also I think some of the angles/composition needs some work. If you don't have a skilled camera op or dp, use a tripod. Learn to compose shots first, then move on to stylized handheld.

I think it needs foley and/or sound...did you record sound on set? Well put it in...I don't like the ambient music dominating the entire piece. I read mention of 'sound design' up top in other posts...actually there isn't any 'sound design'.

The editing is jumpy...and needs a lot of tweaking. I don't know what kind of coverage you got, but it's hard to say without writing a book how to tweak this aspect.

He just found a spoon? Or was that his? Writing needs some tweaking.

This is an intro? To the movie? It's a pretty weak intro. You need some cool establishing shots.

I like the color for the most part, although, the lighting is flat, which doesn't accentuate the color. You could have had some nice splashes of light and dark in the background.

Great go at it. I'd say work most on lighting, sound design, and establishing a scene and/or intro.
 
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Thanks for the Advice. I know what you mean, it was rushed and in the wrong location so hopefully, when I have more time it will look a better.

The reason for no establishing shot or anything is becuase part of the mystery is where this is. It is reveled later in the film.

Definatly more Foley but as said lost memory card for zoom but next time it will be ready.
 
The music was more of a Friday the 13th scene and I expected a dead body to appear...but instead I saw drugs so the music was too scary for this scene.
 
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