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First short script-opinions

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CHamburger said:
Weakens how? Its a comedy. Does your assessment that my story has been weakened by having everything my characters do take place while he's asleep refer to serious content?
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It doesn't matter if It's a comedy, thriller, drama...
If the whole story is just a dream and the protagonist wakes up at the end, It weakens the story, because the protagonist is not in control to make decisions.
Are you in control of your dreams?
 
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Chris -
You should DEFINITELY go forward with simply pounding out this process.
Don't concern yourself that the scrip isn't Aaron Sorkin-reincarnate.

No. F#ck-up slob retard man toking and hallucinating in the mirror is neither comedy nor drama gold.
It's not even a metal. Maybe... feldspar. Pfft, ha!

But the experience to you will be greatly beneficial.

I'm working (very inefficiently) on Nate's Cop&Driver thing and I'm noticing a sh!tload of things while editing I woulda coulda shoulda.
And do you think I'll make those errors again?
Okay, do you think I'll make AS MANY OF those errors again?
H#ll no!
I'll make a whole new set of errors. Ha!
But it's all good.
I'll post 'em, you guys can mock and ridicule me, and I'll have my little man-cry, put on my big girl panties and learn what and how other people see stuff.

Did I say big girl panties?
I meant big boy panties.
Anyway...

Don't wuss out, candy pants. Gopherit! Live the dream!




LMAO!



CHamburger said:
Its definitely at least a made up metal like admantium. :lol:
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Or unobtanium. Ha! :lol:
Unobtainium-490x245.jpg


PS D'ju see what Paul/USNFilms is doing? Decent stuff in hand is better than theoretical gold - or admantium/unobtanium. ;)
 
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Oh you can be sure this will get done. If not for my own benefit at least to show my "circle" that I was serious when I said "I wanna make movies".

I'm not letting it go, if anything it'll be a dvd extra when my C. HAMBURGER collection comes out hah.

I honestly thought it was funnier than it is. Which ironically has made me laugh. Not in an egocentric kind of way more like a retrospective, "ahh reality gets me every time" kinda way.

Its definitely at least a made up metal like admantium. :lol:


Kinglis I got what you're saying thanks.
 
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rayw said:
Chris -
You should DEFINITELY go forward with simply pounding out this process.
Don't concern yourself that the scrip isn't Aaron Sorkin-reincarnate.

No. F#ck-up slob retard man toking and hallucinating in the mirror is neither comedy nor drama gold.
It's not even a metal. Maybe... feldspar. Pfft, ha!

But the experience to you will be greatly beneficial.

I'm working (very inefficiently) on Nate's Cop&Driver thing and I'm noticing a sh!tload of things while editing I woulda coulda shoulda.
And do you think I'll make those errors again?
Okay, do you think I'll make AS MANY OF those errors again?
H#ll no!
I'll make a whole new set of errors. Ha!
But it's all good.
I'll post 'em, you guys can mock and ridicule me, and I'll have my little man-cry, put on my big girl panties and learn what and how other people see stuff.

Did I say big girl panties?
I meant big boy panties.
Anyway...

Don't wuss out, candy pants. Gopherit! Live the dream!




LMAO!




Or unobtanium. Ha! :lol:
Unobtainium-490x245.jpg


PS D'ju see what Paul/USNFilms is doing? Decent stuff in hand is better than theoretical gold - or admantium/unobtanium. ;)
Click to expand...

:lol:

You're not from Earth, rayw, are you?! :)
 
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A few scenes would benefit from being told visually i.e garbage writing, washing face, drinking hot coffee. The concept was pretty good for a short, but the goal (writing), and the conflict (not writing) aren't executed well. The Catcher in the Rye comment made me smile, but the scripts dialogue needs to be revised.
 
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rayw said:
LOL!

:) it is!






Being nice alerts.

BTW, feel free to incorporate any of this material into your material. ;)
Unless that's too flirty from me to you, big boy! :blush::wait:
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Being a member of the most flirtatious online communities Facebook and Indietalk, nothing is too flirty lol. Only can we change "boy" to "papa" lmao

kinglis said:
No, It's love :lol:
We already got a room... tingles... toothbrushes in the same glass and what not..
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Thats great but King you might need to change your name to queen...lis? if ray's head is the one indenting that extra pillow in your bedroom.

TheNoob said:
A few scenes would benefit from being told visually i.e garbage writing, washing face, drinking hot coffee. The concept was pretty good for a short, but the goal (writing), and the conflict (not writing) aren't executed well. The Catcher in the Rye comment made me smile, but the scripts dialogue needs to be revised.
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Thanks Noob. Catcher in the Rye is a personal fave...too bad it's become the Scarface of books. Dialogue revisions sounds cool what do you suggest? Just so I know where you're coming from. I'll be filming and acting in it myself so a lot of what's there might change given my improv skills are clutch. Those parts you suggested going visual most probably will be visual with a line if one comes to mind in the moment and fits.
 
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C"Big Papa"Hamburger said:
Dialogue revisions sounds cool what do you suggest? Just so I know where you're coming from. I'll be filming and acting in it myself so a lot of what's there might change given my improv skills are clutch. Those parts you suggested going visual most probably will be visual with a line if one comes to mind in the moment and fits.
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Consider collaborating with Brett/Brettzdam and cross incorporating his cabin-by-the-lake mass murderer story with your loser pothead finding his muse in the mirror story.
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?p=213562#post213562

The resulting conversation should be an improvement.
I think both stories will benefit greater than the sum of their contributory parts.

As I stated in the post to Brett he'll script, shoot and edit his part (considering the number of actors involved he'll have a fair bit more hassle factor than you will) and you would script, shoot and edit your part.
Then you two would make sequence editing decisions together.

This is how sausage, politics and collaborative film contacts begin.
It's ya'll's ball to drop.
 
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