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First short script-opinions

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Weakens how? Its a comedy. Does your assessment that my story has been weakened by having everything my characters do take place while he's asleep refer to serious content?
 
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What is your intent to achieve with these just over eight pages/minutes?
(Link to the related technical thread: http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=33742 )

- Single actor, yourself I'm guessing.
- Single setting
- Found objects and regular clothes for costumes.
- (You don't... require any make up, right?) ;)
- No After Effects-like SFX required, you could probably do it 50's B&W old school, a la Hitchcock, lotta Dutch angles and distortion.
- Dialog and acting don't require big emotional stretches, could ask a thespian-ish friend to do it. Role could actually be mildly modified for a female.
- You MIGHT not need separate audio record for this. Y'can probably do the bulk of it with the on-cam mic.
- Simple cut editing and audio. Keep the soundtrack waaaaay in the background. A little post-prod foley.

I don't think you'll win any shorts competitions with this, but it'll be simple enough to produce either all by yourself or with an actor and yourself behind the camera. The movement will help a lot.
Video cameras really benefit from some STEADY handheld documentary style work.
A lot of the exclusive tripod work looks pretty... dead. Stale. Dessicated. Even the pan shots.

You doing this just for youtube/vimeo?

Know what resolution and frame rate you wanna use?
Any special lenses (wide angle or fish eye)?
Using in situ "natural" lighting or gonna get some shop lights?
Gonna build a track?
I see from the other thread you have editing software that'll allow superimposition. Coool. Should make some of this easier.
Don't forget to try in-camera effects as often as possible, like over the shoulder shots into the mirror.

In fact, just to be a possible PITA, you could shoot for both exclusive in-camera old school - AND - material for superimposition. Edit both (in all of your spare time) and see what audiences think of the difference.

What did you have in mind for altering the screenplay?
What did you want more or less of, or "feeeeeeling".
 
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rayw said:
What is your intent to achieve with these just over eight pages/minutes?

- Single actor, yourself I'm guessing.
- Single setting
- found objects and regular clothes for costumes.
- (You don't... require any make up, right?) ;)
- No After Effects-like SFX required, you could probably do it 50's B&W old school, a la Hitchcock, lotta Dutch angles and distortion.
- Dialog and acting don't require big emotional stretches, could ask a thespian-ish friend to do it. Role could actually be mildly modified for a female.
- You MIGHT not need separate audio record for this. Y'can probably do the bulk of it with the on-cam mic.
- Simple cut editing and audio. Keep the soundtrack waaaaay in the background. A little post-prod foley.

I don't think you'll win any shorts competitions with this, but it'll be simple enough to produce either all by yourself or with an actor and yourself behind the camera. The movement will help a lot.
Video cameras really benefit from some STEADY handheld documentary style work.
A lot of the exclusive tripod work looks pretty... dead. Stale. Dessicated. Even the pan shots.

You doing this just for youtube/vimeo?

Know what resolution and frame rate you wanna use?
Any special lenses (wide angle or fish eye)?
Using in situ "natural" lighting or gonna get some shop lights?
Gonna build a track?

What did you have in mind for altering the screenplay?
What did you want more or less of, or "feeeeeeling".
Click to expand...

Yea thats exactly what I was thinking. Totally solo project maybe my brother to hold teh camera every once in a while. I wasn't really planning on entering it in comps but now that you said I can't I kinda wanna lol.

I just kind of wanted to test myself with something I didn't need a lot of people to be present for which is why its only one character talking to his imagination\reflection. Its all during teh day so I was probably going to wait till noon to shoot for teh natural sunlight that fills my room.

I was actually planning on doing it black and white. I'm shooting with the digi cam I have so not sure of frame rate-whatever looks good I suppose. No make up lol. Really wanted to see how a simple story I wrote would play out on a screen.

What did you think?
 
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I think the greatest benefit will be the education in technical achievement and providing context: X in = Y out. Camera settings at such and such result in this and that product, which I/you can or can't address in post.
And you're going to learn how to compose stuff "better" the next go round, from writing/crafting to actually shooting because it's in editing when you say "Aw, d@mn! I shoulda this and I shoulda that".

Story as is is meh.
Slob f#ck-up tokes and hallucinates. Nothing clever about that.
I can't think of a reason why I'd watch it more than once or recommend someone else watching this story. Not much take away in it for me. However, others may have different user experiences. :D
 
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rayw said:
What is your intent to achieve with these just over eight pages/minutes?
(Link to the related technical thread: http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=33742 )

- Single actor, yourself I'm guessing.
- Single setting
- Found objects and regular clothes for costumes.
- (You don't... require any make up, right?) ;)
- No After Effects-like SFX required, you could probably do it 50's B&W old school, a la Hitchcock, lotta Dutch angles and distortion.
- Dialog and acting don't require big emotional stretches, could ask a thespian-ish friend to do it. Role could actually be mildly modified for a female.
- You MIGHT not need separate audio record for this. Y'can probably do the bulk of it with the on-cam mic.
- Simple cut editing and audio. Keep the soundtrack waaaaay in the background. A little post-prod foley.

I don't think you'll win any shorts competitions with this, but it'll be simple enough to produce either all by yourself or with an actor and yourself behind the camera. The movement will help a lot.
Video cameras really benefit from some STEADY handheld documentary style work.
A lot of the exclusive tripod work looks pretty... dead. Stale. Dessicated. Even the pan shots.

You doing this just for youtube/vimeo?

Know what resolution and frame rate you wanna use?
Any special lenses (wide angle or fish eye)?
Using in situ "natural" lighting or gonna get some shop lights?
Gonna build a track?
I see from the other thread you have editing software that'll allow superimposition. Coool. Should make some of this easier.
Don't forget to try in-camera effects as often as possible, like over the shoulder shots into the mirror.

In fact, just to be a possible PITA, you could shoot for both exclusive in-camera old school - AND - material for superimposition. Edit both (in all of your spare time) and see what audiences think of the difference.

What did you have in mind for altering the screenplay?
What did you want more or less of, or "feeeeeeling".
Click to expand...

All of this stuff is entirely too intimidating to me. At this point I'm still just a writer and actor. That's fine for now, but I'd like to pick up some more skills, and a post like this just reminds me of how far behind I am. That's not completely discouraging though.
 
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You won't?! I was gonna put it on a DVD and hope IT'd post up on street corners when everyone had a chance to pass on the good word; now I know Ill have to count you out lol

Yea I hear ya, it is basically just to see what I can create with what I have using the resources at my immediate reach. I mean its not a great story but its what i could come up with for one acting kinda thing with one location-my house. You're right nothing groundbreaking-been done a million times I was more focused on something that could be done my by myself. This first one is just to get acquainted with writing then seeing it on screen, the next one will be pullin at heartstrings.
 
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CHamburger said:
...it is basically just to see what I can create with what I have using the resources at my immediate reach. I mean its not a great story but its what i could come up with for one acting kinda thing with one location-my house.
Click to expand...

This would be, essentially, my thoughts on your script. It's not a great story,
it seems like something you could shoot using what you have available. I made
many movies like that when I was starting. What I didn't have was a message
board to ask what others thought. I just made the films I wanted to make.

So knowing my background, I don't quite understand why you even ask. You
know the story isn't great so you expect people to notice that. You know the
script is limited by location and available cast and crew so you expect people
will notice that. This is for you. You need to build your experience and see what
you can create with what you have. In my opinion you should be shooting
at least one of these each month.

I look forward to your posts that do not ask what we think of your script - but
ask what we think of your finished movie. When will you shoot this?
 
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Yea I dk I guess I'm a tad vain and wanted some opinions to see if it was even worth it. I do plan to at least show this to people at some point so if the initial responses were a lot harsher than they were I'd probably be thinking of a new idea. But because we all seem to be in agreement about the experiential value I'll persist. I have only asked opinion son two scripts I have written. I thought this was funny and thought some people might enjoy reading it as it was quick. Guess I was wrong booohooo lol
 
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CHamburger said:
Yea I dk I guess I'm a tad vain and wanted some opinions to see if it was even worth it.
Click to expand...
I think you are mistaking vanity for approval.

If you are vain, you believe what ever you do is good. You do not need
others to tell you if it's worth trying. But if you do need others to tell
you if it's even worth trying let me be that person.

This script is worth trying. It will give you much needed experience
in lighting, camera placement, screen composition, audio, editing and
music selection. You should make one a month.
 
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haha thanks Rik. I guess to an extent we all think our writing is good, I meant vain in that I think I'm the funniest fucker I know, and whenever I write it I want people to recognize HAHAHA
 
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Not the greatest story, but its perfect for practice! I wouldn't bother filming the guy going to get a coffee, and washing hands... if it was me, id just do a first half the page for guy hitting the writers block, and busting out the pipe afterwards.. don't see the need to show the whole coffee, bathroom scene.

But then again its just me, I like to have a quicker pace.
 
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CHamburger said:
haha thanks Rik. I guess to an extent we all think our writing is good, I meant vain in that I think I'm the funniest fucker I know, and whenever I write it I want people to recognize HAHAHA
Click to expand...
I have been a professional script reader for several years. I know
better than most how most people think their writing is good.

Writing - especially screenplays - is much harder than most people
understand. The screenplay is a very difficult thing to master, or
even get good at. Everyone things they can write because they
write from their early days in school. But creative writing is
harder and screenwriting is even harder. A novel has no filter
between the writer and the reader. The screenplay has many filters
from the writer to the viewer.

You're end result may be amazing. You will never know if you ask
for thoughts on a screenplay, get thoughts that are less than
flattering and then abandon the movie.

Your script is not funny. Maybe it's in the writing. Maybe you
aren't as good as you think you are. Yet. Learning the restrictive
format of the screenplay takes time. Maybe you haven't written
enough to get good. Maybe after a dozen or so you will discover
the balance. That's why I am looking forward to seeing your
movies.

And you know what? I bet you know what I'm going to say about your
first few movies...
 
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