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First 6 pages of a feature I'm working on - "Florida Girls"

New to the forum.

Just had a read of your script. Very out there and avant garde, nice.

I think, for me, I would save the CAPITALIZATIONS for only when it's absolutely necessary.

Also, I know you said you want to direct but not sure a script on spec should have directing/shooting elements, those elements can go into a shooting script, kept separate. It takes the reader out of the story.

But these are just my opinions.
 
As for mentioning camera placement, I'll be directing this project (if it's greenlit that is) and so I find it useful. And to be frank, I actually prefer screenplays with specific camera placement details. I know it's generally taught as a 'no no' but for me, it paints a clearer picture in my head of what the film is supposed to be. People will say, 'focus on the story', but because film is a visual medium I don't personally see an issue with it. Just a matter of taste though I guess.
Let me play Devil's Advocate;

Based on my experience getting a script green-lit involves several
levels of people reading the script. Even if you are attached as
director many people will read the script as it moves through the
process. In most cases I think it's better to allow your story to stand
out over your directorial preferences.

You are correct; film is a visual medium. The screenplay, however,
is very different than the finished product even as it, too, conveys
the visual. There are so many ways for a writer to make a screenplay
visual without using camera terms. That's why I always suggest a
writer try at least one draft using their power of words to set a visual
style rather than camera terms. For the most part you do it and do it
well.

Think about it. I think your screenplay will be more powerful and more
visual without using uppercase and camera terms. Get the “powers-that-be”
excited about your characters and story. Then dazzle them with where
you as the director are going to place a close up once they are hooked.
 
Read it, and liked it. Interesting and intriguing. :thumbsup:

I'm sure you realize, that the VFX kinda make or break how a story like this turns out on the screen.

Appreciate it. Yeah, I try to stay away from VFX-heavy stories for that reason (lack of budget), but because I'm gonna be utilizing some connections in this case, it seems plausible that I could be given the opportunity to work with a fairly high budget and talented artists to help convey my ideas.

Basically, if I'm not given the budget I need for this project, I'll move on to something else, because this will require a vast amount of high-end polish I can't achieve on my own.

I think, for me, I would save the CAPITALIZATIONS for only when it's absolutely necessary.

Also, I know you said you want to direct but not sure a script on spec should have directing/shooting elements, those elements can go into a shooting script, kept separate. It takes the reader out of the story.

Think about it. I think your screenplay will be more powerful and more
visual without using uppercase and camera terms. Get the “powers-that-be”
excited about your characters and story. Then dazzle them with where
you as the director are going to place a close up once they are hooked.

You know what, I'll concede. Quite a few people who've read the script have told me this, essentially "I'm enjoying it so far but the camera directions are getting in the way of the story".

The obnoxious CAPITALIZED WORDS were something I've already minimized heavily from the screenplay, but I'll do the same for the camera directions. I think this is probably the right call. Thanks guys.
 
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