I read through page 12. I only read that far because in my humble opinion, if you don't have some kind of INCITING INCIDENT happen by page 12? You're going to lose your reader. This of course, assumes you're writing this as a spec script you want to eventually sell. If you're writing it for yourself? You can obviously write it any way you want.
My problem with it was that it just doesn't grab me... I've been to India many times. I know what it's like there and with all the movies that have come out over the last decade and with streaming even showing plenty of Bollywood movies? I'm wondering if you need all those pages showing how hard the life is for these kids on the street.
So really... As I kept reading about their lives on the street and how hard it is juxtaposed to Mr. Beef? I got a little bored.
I could keep reading but since it's not grabbing me within the first 12 pages? It really won't matter what I read next because EVEN if I like it? I know my advice would be to move your inciting incident UP so it happens FASTER so that you'll GRAB your reader's attention.
Other problems I found were your Montages... The way I read those? They FEEL more like a SERIES OF SHOTS than a montage. Next were all your parentheticals. You're putting ACTION into your parentheticals when they should be in action sentences. That always tends to take me personally out of a story.
The simultaneous dialogue... I don't think it looks good for one thing... You've got these forward slashes (/) in there that just confuse me. I think you could just have those characters talk without it being simultaneous and still achieve your desired EFFECT.
Scene numbers and CUT TO: transitions... You don't need any of that in a spec script.
Last but not least? I haven't been to India for some time now but some of the street kids' dialogue just didn't seem realistic to me.
Just my two cents...
