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Feedback on Movie Idea

Josiah

Josiah

Okay I have this idea for a three/four minute movie. I would like to know what you all think:

It's in the future. Government is corrupt beyond belief and the "rebels" are the only people fighting for freedom. Jordan (protagonist) is one of the rebels.

Movie opens with Jordan lying in the snow. He lifts his head, and he's missing his left eye, blood is caked to his face. He rolls over, and then there's a flashback:

Jordan is getting ready to go on a special ops mission for the "rebels". He is the only one willing to lose his happiness and humanity to find the information the rebels need to crumple the government, and the only one with the skills and knowledge to carry this through. His wife, Sally, tries to stop him, but he is determined.

He is captured by the government. Unbeknownst to them, he has a camera implanted in his eye to film everything: door codes, talk between the government agents, all the hallways, everything. After being brutally tortured in psychological ways to tell them what they want to know, he escapes the HQ.

Back to the opening mini scene: Jordan has cut out his eye and placed it somewhere the "rebels" can get to it easy. And he dies. But the rebels find the camera and all the information they need, and they are able to assassinate all the government leaders and crumple the corrupt government.



That's the idea lol. I know it sounds like a lot, but I am confident in myself to make it work in three/four minutes. Any thoughts?

P.S. I'm not anti-government. I just thought it was a cool idea :)
 
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pretty cool...

try it without the flashback, its not getting you much. I know it seems vital, but its not.

There is the idea that its interesting to see WHY something happened..

Say open with Jordan in the operating chair.. his POV as someone "taps" his eye.. like a camera.. is this thing on.. " he blinks etc.. a bit of comic relief to start out...

Hes doing some normal rebel soldier thing perceived as safe and is attacked, wounded and captured.. and thrown in prison.. as he enters the prison camp he catches important details.. like the keypad combo, or the alarm wiring map on the wall of the intake office, they seem unconnected to the viewer, but we know they mean something... (you make these POV shots seem important)

Then he sneaks a key, something that we THINK he will use to escape... and he does not disappoint us, and makes an escape attempt.

During the escape, we see how impossible it is.. he gets shot a few times, scrambles around.. deathly wounded, there's no way he can get away, maybe hes against the prison fence full of bullet holes.. he takes out a key we THOUGHT he stole to escape, but really he took it so he can...wait for it.....gouge out his eye! He does so and he tosses his bloody gore covered camera eye over the fence into the waiting hands of another rebel hiding there.. it was all a plan..of course Jordan must die now..

In your closing summation, make all the little details he recorded with his eye into some master important thing the rebels need.. maybe they can releases ALL THE OTHER prisoners but it too late for Jordan, his sacrifice saved the others.. ...


4 mins? Easy.





(FWIW: I think its OK to be anti fictional future distopian government, I wont judge you a commie socialists for it!)
 
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wheatgrinder said:
pretty cool...

try it without the flashback, its not getting you much. I know it seems vital, but its not.
Click to expand...

I was thinking the same thing. But then I thought that the flashback ideas was actually a good one. It lets you skip details. He could just move from one scene to the next without having to explain it in real time. He just moves from scene to scene in his flashback. It'll be easier to do in 4 mins

just a thought.
 
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I vote AGAINST the flashback.
Just keep the short story linear, make what would have been the flashback more like a intro sequence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HofoK_QQxGc :)
 
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3 or 4 minutes? jeez. cruel

If it's only 3 or 4 minutes, then, maybe just the scene of him waking up and then having his eye replaced, and then him escaping. And that's it. I think that's all you'll fit into 3 or 4 minutes.
 
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