Feedback on first edit requested

sfoster

sfoster

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Hi guys, I have the first edit done for my short comedy Friend Zoned
Would anyone like to give me some feedback? It's funny and hopefully not a waste of anyones time :)

Directors.. were any of the edits particularly distracting to you? Is there excess fat I can trim for sake of pacing?
Audio guys.. how much of this is going to need ADR?

Everyone else.. don't watch it yet, it's not finished ;)
No color grade or audio post has been done yet

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=fXW9ojNbXuo&vq=hd1080


Thanks for taking the time to help
 
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The best way to hear how your dialog will sound is to have a table read during preproduction. You should not be voicing any of the characters and have people only reading one character if at all possible. You can even go one better by getting a group of friends and/or family together to read through the screenplay before you even get to pre. Record the table read (I prefer video, but audio is fine). After the read, wait a day or two before viewing/listening to the recording. Go through the recording once before you break out the script. On your second run through, compare your script to how the readers actually delivered the dialogue. Believable dialogue is one of the reasons that I always create a complete back story with biography for my characters. The character does not have to sound "like how real people talk", they just have to sound like how they speak. Consistency is key here.
 
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Lucky Hardwood said:
The best way to hear how your dialog will sound is to have a table read during preproduction. You should not be voicing any of the characters and have people only reading one character if at all possible. You can even go one better by getting a group of friends and/or family together to read through the screenplay before you even get to pre. Record the table read (I prefer video, but audio is fine). After the read, wait a day or two before viewing/listening to the recording. Go through the recording once before you break out the script. On your second run through, compare your script to how the readers actually delivered the dialogue. Believable dialogue is one of the reasons that I always create a complete back story with biography for my characters. The character does not have to sound "like how real people talk", they just have to sound like how they speak. Consistency is key here.
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that is fantastic advice, I am going to do that next time.
i never even met my lead actor before the first day of shooting, he was a friend of the leading lady

I was sort of hoping my actors would improv a little but everyone stuck almost verbatim to the script and even after prodding and prodding to say something different i never got any words out of them that didn't come directly from me. haha another lesson i guess.

granted this project was kind of a rush but i'm still feeling a bit disappointed.

Was there anything that you guys liked or made you laugh?
Also if you have any ideas of stuff to change.. if it's dramatic enough and doesn't involve the pool (closed now for winter) I *might* be able to get a quick reshoot of something when we do the add
 
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Let me try this again. I tried to rewatch the video but it wouldn't stream. If any of the following statements don't jibe with what you have, just ignore them. I don't know what footage you have vesus what would need to be shot. Cut the establishing party scene to 5-7 seconds and overlay laughter, indistinct conversation and splashing when you do the audio. Have one of the guests go up to the MC and say "killer party". This establishes that it is a party and that the MC is the host. Go straight into the MC and Friend sitting. If you want to keep the overflowing beer gag, have the MC say to the Friend "I got you a beer". Friend replies "Thanks, Dude." MC slams the beer down, causing it to overflow. Friend says, "Dick." They laugh. This establishes that their friendship is somewhat adversarial. Hot Girl flops onto MC's lap and asks for drugs. I would like to see the Friend flick the MC on the ear when he turns to Hot Girl and reveals an embarrassing secret about MC "Remember that time you got so high you shit yourself?" MC shoots Friend a dirty look (sets up the romantic competition). Hot Girl says that she is going to take a dip. When she walks off, MC tells Friend that it was a dick move to tell Hot Girl that he shit himself. Friend asks "you hitting that?" MC babbles about her douche bag boyfriend, blah, blah, blah. Friend, "Awwww, Dude! You got yourself stuck in the friend zone." MC, "The what?" Explanation of 'Friend Zone." MC denies being just a friend. Friend says, "If you don't make a move, I am sooo gonna hit that shit." Minor confrontation. MC goes upstairs to get drugs, comes out and sees Hot Girl and Friend getting friendly in the pool. MC pulls Friend aside - major confrontation. MC appeals to Friend to not be a cock-blocking dick. Friend laughs and and says that MC is too big of a pussy to handle Hot Girl. MC decides to make his move but Hot Girl has wandered off. The group of girls are chatting. Alt Girl is telling Hot Girl that she has the hots for MC but he's hung up on somebody else - Alt Girl is also in the friend zone. As MC attempts to approach Hot Girl, Alt Girl intercepts him and tries to declare her feelings for him but he isn't listening and blows her off (self absorbed). MC gets to Hot Girl and starts to declare his feelings for her but she starts talking about getting back together with boyfriend (self absorbed). MC tells her that she is too good for the douche bag and that she deserves better. Hot Girl says that MC is right and walks off before he can tell her that he is the guy that she deserves. MC starts after Hot Girl but Alt Girl stops him and tells him that he shouldn't waste his time on a woman that does not feel the same way about him. MC says that he will make Hot Girl feel the same. MC scours the party for Hot Girl and finds her making out with Friend. MC, dejected, wanders off and sits by himself. Alt Girl sits next to him and they commiserate each other. MC and Alt Girl don't hook up.

This is just my take on the story, I don't know if you have the ability (or desire) to make it like this. It is your movie.
 
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Lucky Hardwood said:
Fuck me. It seems that every other time I write out a long and thoughtful response to a thread, the site eats my post.
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I hate that !!
You obviously took some time to think about the story and to reply to this post, so thank you twice for having to type it up a second time.

Regarding youtube.. I have a little add-on i installed on firefox, and it puts a download button underneath any youtube video. I constantly have buffering problems with that website and it frustrates me, so I just download everything now and then watch it locally. especially if i plan on seeing it more than once. strangely this is always a lot faster than trying to stream it and watch it in the browser.

I will cut down the party sequence, but wow @ 5-7 seconds. that's practically just my establishing shot right now haha. i really like when hot girl slaps MC in the pool and then laughs, they look really cute together. I also really like the shot where the asian girl in the blue dress shows up, her face starts off overexposed and then she leans into shade toward my dog to reveal herself. i thought that was a really cool way of introducing someone ( she was supposed to be alt girl.. but had a death in the family and was replaced in the final day) and it should look even better/more apparent after the color grading.

That's a great spin on the beer gag, I like it a lot!

Much of what you said would require reshooting, but regardless this is all a learning experience for me anyway, cutting my teeth before I tackle one of my really clever ideas. And it's interesting reading and considering this alternate approach, there are a couple of ideas I would like to use but I don't know if it'll be possible or not. I'll see what I can do.

In my ending current ending they don't hook up, they just go smoke weed together. I could try to emphasize that more. What I was going for was in the way that james gives hot girl drugs because he likes her, alt girl is doing the same for MC. dual friend zone thing going on.

Lucky Hardwood said:
The group of girls are chatting..
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Hey now I was in that group too :weird: and I didn't even have any makeup on :lol:


Oh just for kicks...

Full conversation with anna ( alt girl ) near the beginning
http://youtu.be/icLtzs0w_AQ

And full confrontation with billy after he gets out of the pool
http://youtu.be/Aoby5fp0ZfA
 
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I will cut down the party sequence, but wow @ 5-7 seconds. that's practically just my establishing shot right now haha. i really like when hot girl slaps MC in the pool and then laughs, they look really cute together. I also really like the shot where the asian girl in the blue dress shows up, her face starts off overexposed and then she leans into shade toward my dog to reveal herself. i thought that was a really cool way of introducing someone ( she was supposed to be alt girl.. but had a death in the family and was replaced in the final day) and it should look even better/more apparent after the color grading.
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Some people hang on to a shot because it looks good. Others hang on to it due to the amount of work that went into a particular shot. The lesson to take away is: If a shot is not helping the story, it has to go, especially if it's hurting the story.

It is your story, and you get to choose how to tell it.

Here's a picture, I couldn't help but share:
tumblr_mpqkqmHxwK1rw0dsbo1_500.jpg
 
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Sweetie said:
Some people hang on to a shot because it looks good. Others hang on to it due to the amount of work that went into a particular shot. The lesson to take away is: If a shot is not helping the story, it has to go, especially if it's hurting the story.
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Others hang onto a shot because it has a cameo with their dog :D
btw nice picture haha
 
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i was having a pretty depressing night, but I just found out a bunch of people are really excited to see my film


pennstate2012 said:
"Sideways vagina" slayed me.
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3NolesFan3 said:
I just peed a little...hahahahahaha.
"You've been beating around her bush for a while now"
Holy fucking shit.
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pennstate2012 said:
"Sideways vagina" slayed me.
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Joe_Pesci said:
i want to see this movie
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angus said:
Jesus, this is going to be better than my wildest imagination.
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D. Silver said:
I haven't been this excited for a movie since "The Dark Knight Rises".
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this is from a different forum. they found the link because they like to make fun of one of my actors.. so maybe they are laughing AT my movie instead of with it, but at least I have an audience. made my night :)

thankfully they didn't find the link with the whole thing!! just the intro video and those clips i posted earlier with the full convo's

I'm about to go post in their thread, so I'm changing my youtube video to private now, request access with me if you'd like to see it. because i wouldn't put it past these guys to do a search and find this forum and my link to the full thing.. and hell, right now they're the only audience i have any suspense with. I can't have them see it before the audio and color grading and final edit are all in place :)
 
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ChimpPhobiaFilms said:
Yes.

Your next movie is going to star him. No questions.
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Haha well here's the thing. His response

" Yea I sort of figured I'd stick out a bit. I'm not much for the lime light, so I look forward to this dieing down."

he's probably sick of the attention he's gotten his whole life for his size. he weighs around 350 lbs. he's almost my oldest friend of like 18 years
 
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sfoster said:
Haha well here's the thing. His response

" Yea I sort of figured I'd stick out a bit. I'm not much for the lime light, so I look forward to this dieing down."

he's probably sick of the attention he's gotten his whole life for his size. he weighs around 350 lbs. he's almost my oldest friend of like 18 years
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Awww... :(

I can understand what he's saying though.

He seems like a really interesting character :)
 
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ChimpPhobiaFilms said:
Awww... :(

I can understand what he's saying though.

He seems like a really interesting character :)
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yeah no doubt. whats strange is that for being the biggest person i know, he is also the smartest of all my friends. Not what you would expect. then again when i met him we hadn't been through puberty yet and I was bigger :lol:
 
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The shit these guys are posting on their forum is too hilarious not to share

If he is uncomfortable with this little bit of frame from a message board that's tucked away in a dark corner of the interwebz -

I pray he learns to cope with life as the mainstream superstar he is destined to be
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You definitely underutilized Garrett, he should have been the main character's best friend. Could see him being like Philip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly.
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This is unequivocally the greatest thing I've ever seen on the Internet. Clark/Garrett's little head shake and shimmy will be my immediate go-to when I'm having a rough day at work or stressed out. God bless you, sweet Athiest.
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and some images they made...

1235358_10151661806742121_1911030558_n_zpsd3c83e66.jpg


ibdouvyXxThqwo_zps9f6f4829.gif
 
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