I posted this once before, had second thoughts and deleted, and now have second second thoughts and am posting it again, because I would really appreciate some feedback. It's from a screenplay adaptation of a novel that I want try to get in front of the intellectual property owner, to see if it might be of value to anyone considering a thoughtful PKD (Philip K.Dick) movie. It is unlikely that anyone will read it, for fear of IP issues, but I should at least try.
In this scene--5.5 pages--amid the plot points that need to be made, and along with introducing a main character, I get the major exposition out of the way--just enough to understand how these colonists came to be, and who it is that they share the planet with. It's efficient, I think, but could easily be too amateurish, which, obviously, is not what I want.
It might be something I would be tempted to apologize for in advance, in any introductory notes, something like: I know--something here, like this, only better.
But it might be OK. There might be a degree to which this expository stuff is unavoidably a little clunky. Anyway, this specifically is what I'm asking about. Basically, how does it read? How do you think it would watch? And do you think it's too much?
I'm not worried, by the way, about the setup itself. It doesn't matter if it isn't realistic; it's not that kind of science fiction. Although most of the bits here are of my invention, as is all the dialogue with the exception of a few sentences, it follows the novel pretty closely. My intention would be to write a PKD movie, his story, his concerns, and if that doesn't work it's fine. I wouldn't want to try to do anything else with the material
So: we are on Mars, have seen it is sparsely populated but is livable (terriformed), have seen a little of the landscape ("dry and dismal, with scrub bushes and patches of mossy grass") and have briefly met Arnie, a wealthy wheeler-dealer, a boss, and his number one, Scott.
https://www.keepandshare.com/doc30/114713/expo2-pdf-71k?da=y
In this scene--5.5 pages--amid the plot points that need to be made, and along with introducing a main character, I get the major exposition out of the way--just enough to understand how these colonists came to be, and who it is that they share the planet with. It's efficient, I think, but could easily be too amateurish, which, obviously, is not what I want.
It might be something I would be tempted to apologize for in advance, in any introductory notes, something like: I know--something here, like this, only better.
But it might be OK. There might be a degree to which this expository stuff is unavoidably a little clunky. Anyway, this specifically is what I'm asking about. Basically, how does it read? How do you think it would watch? And do you think it's too much?
I'm not worried, by the way, about the setup itself. It doesn't matter if it isn't realistic; it's not that kind of science fiction. Although most of the bits here are of my invention, as is all the dialogue with the exception of a few sentences, it follows the novel pretty closely. My intention would be to write a PKD movie, his story, his concerns, and if that doesn't work it's fine. I wouldn't want to try to do anything else with the material
So: we are on Mars, have seen it is sparsely populated but is livable (terriformed), have seen a little of the landscape ("dry and dismal, with scrub bushes and patches of mossy grass") and have briefly met Arnie, a wealthy wheeler-dealer, a boss, and his number one, Scott.
https://www.keepandshare.com/doc30/114713/expo2-pdf-71k?da=y
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