Electric is My Pimpslap - First half of script

[cjnixon]

Starting this year, i decided to write a feature script every three months. Making four a year. Even if one of them sucks to the max, I get alot of experience which is very needed.

Ive got a month left on this one. And ive hated my self the whole time writing this. Its just not what ive wanted and its ,just blah.

I wanted it to be a very dark comedy. But i believe i failed.

Could any of you take a look and destroy it for me? Give me some suggestions story,character,dialogue wise.

The first fourteen pages are missing. I wrote them on paper then continued on computer. Been meaning to type them up. Sorry for that.

Now this is the first draft so probably some spelling errors and it isnt tight with descriptions. I add more in on my second draft.

Tell me whatever youd like. Need to get better. And somehow salvage this.

Thanks in advance for the comments.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Z4LHM9WV

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...NTg3MS00MDc5LThmMzAtMzQ0ZDM0OGEwZDcz&hl=en_US

 

[klitch]

Starting this year, i decided to write a feature script every three months. Making four a year. Even if one of them sucks to the max, I get alot of experience which is very needed.

Ive got a month left on this one. And ive hated my self the whole time writing this. Its just not what ive wanted and its ,just blah.

I wanted it to be a very dark comedy. But i believe i failed.

Could any of you take a look and destroy it for me? Give me some suggestions story,character,dialogue wise.

The first fourteen pages are missing. I wrote them on paper then continued on computer. Been meaning to type them up. Sorry for that.

Now this is the first draft so probably some spelling errors and it isnt tight with descriptions. I add more in on my second draft.

Tell me whatever youd like. Need to get better. And somehow salvage this.

Thanks in advance for the comments.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Z4LHM9WV

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...NTg3MS00MDc5LThmMzAtMzQ0ZDM0OGEwZDcz&hl=en_US

Right off the bat I don't want to read it because you've already told me it's bad. part of being a screenwriter is being a salesman, no one is going to want to buy anything from you if you tell them it's bad that's just poor advertising. If you have a friend that tells you a movie is bad, you're less likley to go see it, right? same goes with reading someone's script.

As writers we have to be able to get over our own feelings of inadequecy, and just let the work stand on it's own. If it's bad, fine, let other people tell you that. By you saying it your sabotaging your work before it's even out there.

Also, how am I supposed to get the idea of the story if you've left out the first 14 pages? The beginning of any story is probably the most important because it sets up the rest. It tells us what the main character is going through so that we can connect with him or her on a real level.