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screenplay Cruel, Vile

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
One location, two actors, extreme amounts of drama.
It's a perfect indie script he said.

But they were all deceived...
Written in darkness, he poured into this script his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life.

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I wrote this script a couple years ago. Holy shitttt I'm too embarrassed to post the whole thing. It's horrifying.
This is the first four pages.... first half of the script. enjoy?

 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Was it too difficult to read? I think it would be difficult to watch.
There are a few things I intended to do with this script and one of them was to create something disgusting and controversial and market it as real, legitimate found footage style film
 
Wow. Need some time to digest that before i can give an opinion. First observations though, intense. Disturbed! I literally was.

Second observation, why do you keep using the same slugline over and over, surely you need to have something to distinguish the one scene from the next timeplace? DAY, NIGHT, LATER etc.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Wow. Need some time to digest that before i can give an opinion. First observations though, intense. Disturbed! I literally was.

Second observation, why do you keep using the same slugline over and over, surely you need to have something to distinguish the one scene from the next timeplace? DAY, NIGHT, LATER etc.

1st - It's always nice to hear that your audience felt the emotions your script was intended to produce. Thanks!! On the other hand maybe something like this script shouldnt even exist in the first place. using my powers for evil lol. i swear the first film I ever made was about animals singing and dancing in the forest. i love it to this day. nobody wanted to watch it.

2nd - my thinking was when youre in solitary confinement with no windows - DAY, NIGHT, HOURS, WEEKS, TIME - these concepts lose most of their meaning.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Ah capitalism. I had a solid plan to profit off of mass outrage - but those social responses are so unreliable and rare to engineer.
Still... who doesn't love a nice get rich quick scheme? lol. If I found the right actress I would still make the full script, even the second half i was too embarrassed to post. I have a lot of medical bills and veterinary bills. I would do that shit to keep my dog healthy and alive, to fund one of my feature film scripts, etc :)

Well I hope anyone that read the script either enjoyed it or got disturbed and that people won't think of me any differently for writing it.
I took it down bc its an evil thing and i'm going to focus on a second draft of pool shark.
 
Had to think about this for a bit. It's a good exercise in finding the right tone to move a story forward. My thoughts:

1) You describe it as "extreme amounts of drama." I think drama is not the right word because really what we're seeing is trauma. For it to be drama we would need as viewers to internalize why he's treating her as such. The drama of the story comes from the conflict between people and the dance they do as they navigate it, not the gore.
2) Given the above, can you set up the conflict at the beginning in a sentence or two? For example, if the girls mother had suffered the same fate, same guy, in a mere sentence you've increased the drama horrifically.
3) which brings me to point three. The more you can scare the viewer with the "why" of it, the less you need to rely on the "what" of it. Taken to the extreme, with the right setup you could have this guy inflict far more horror on her without even touching her. How do you achieve horror? The conventions of tv, investors and moral outrage impose certain outer boundaries on what we're allowed to show. But I think this is secondary because that's not where the horror is, that's just a snuff film.

I am reminded of Cormac McCarthy's book "The Road" and the scene in the house with the trap door leading to the basement. Hands down the most horrible scene I've ever read. It still haunts me. But it's a scene in which almost nothing happens. (Did not see the movie - didn't want it to ruin my experience with the book...)
 
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sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Had to think about this for a bit. It's a good exercise in finding the right tone to move a story forward. My thoughts:

1) You describe it as "extreme amounts of drama." I think drama is not the right word because really what we're seeing is trauma. For it to be drama we would need as viewers to internalize why he's treating her as such. The drama of the story comes from the conflict between people and the dance they do as they navigate it, not the gore.
2) Given the above, can you set up the conflict at the beginning in a sentence or two? For example, if the girls mother had suffered the same fate, same guy, in a mere sentence you've increased the drama horrifically.
3) which brings me to point three. The more you can scare the viewer with the "why" of it, the less you need to rely on the "what" of it. Taken to the extreme, with the right setup you could have this guy inflict far more horror on her without even touching her. How do you achieve horror? The conventions of tv, investors and moral outrage impose certain outer boundaries on what we're allowed to show. But I think this is secondary because that's not where the horror is, that's just a snuff film.

I am reminded of Cormac McCarthy's book "The Road" and the scene in the house with the trap door leading to the basement. Hands down the most horrible scene I've ever read. It still haunts me. But it's a scene in which almost nothing happens. (Did not see the movie - didn't want it to ruin my experience with the book...)

Perspective sure is an interesting thing. i would never have imagined someone would say this story isn't dramatic. When you say trauma it sounds like she fell off a ladder or something. There is an evolving relationship and conflict between these two, I'm surprised you dont see it that way. But yes the "why" is certainly not listed.

2) I could modify the title card at the beginning easily to change the context.

3) I could give some more thought to why. But sometimes the fact that it could happen to anyone for no reason is what scary.
having said that the whole point of this script is to cause moral outrage so there are no boundaries on what we're ALLOWED to show here.

the only boundaries are what I'm willing to film. and I wont film a rape scene. but other than that i'm open minded.
 
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sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Good points, one of the shortcomings of my perspective is that everything I do is calibrated to the development of a project that will have commercial viability and a chance to achieve distribution. From time to time I’ll need to be reminded that wasn’t the point.

If this could go viral it would make me a ton of money. i figured the outrage would fuel that. but could not find the right actress.
there is nudity so that eliminates most of them
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Can you describe the model to me for how a viral short film makes money? Short of monetizing on youtube I don’t understand it.

its something unique for this film in particular that i dont want to publicize .but that was the impetus for writing something of this nature
 
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