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Confession - A Short Film Script

I enjoyed it. Some nice dialogue in there.
I'd try to specify where they are within the church.
Was the man just sitting? Confessional? And then change up the scenery a bit.
Have the pastor stand over him, then sit beside then the final standing of both.
Other than that I liked it.
 
I thought it was a interesting piece. What I would have liked is to see less one-way dialogue. It's almost like the pastor is cross-examining the sinner. It might make the dialogue and ending more powerful if the sinner is also being more active.

SINNER: Why do you think God remains silent, father? Ignoring human suffering?

or

SINNER: Have you ever had a crisis of faith?

These give you an opportunity to play, pardon the pun, "Devil's advocate". So in the end, the pastor may (or may not) act congruently with his words.

The Pastor's question--"Are you strongly religious?"--sounds odd to me. I mean, the man is using the ritualistic invocation of confession inside a church. Having the pastor ask "Are you in question of your faith, my son?" or something that acknowledges his doubts about God would seem more natural.

I like the concept sketch. The dialogue is just a little rough but should clean up nicely.
 
First, my formatting is questionable, but this is way out there. Do a search and find out how to format this thing.

There is too much talking. So this guy is questioning/taunting. Couldn't there be another way to show that instead of say it? A broken crucifix, gargling the holy water, chugging the sacramental wine, grab a nuns boob. There are plenty to choose from.

I agree with whats already been said, the dialogue is rough, very rough. If you want the guy to make an impression, why not have him quote some Milton, or Dante?

I like the ending. Just fix up the dialogue and smooth everything out and I think you have a idea.
 
Interesting…

First of all, I have to ask, why did you choose to not format this properly? I assume you know how, so you should just do it, for your own benefit and for the benefit of those of us that choose to read it.

I like the concept. As has been mentioned though, you don’t tell us their location within the church. I’m assuming they’re sat in the pews somewhere, but it’d be nice to know. Straight after INT. CHURCH – DAY (as your scene header should read), you should give us a description of the church. Is it a large church? Small? Is it in the town or the countryside? How’s it decorated? Paint a picture for us.

You don’t describe the characters either. Tell us what they look like, what they’re wearing, something very simple… The SINNER has greasy hair, his face is covered with stubble. He looks tired. Where does the pastor come from, you say he moves, but moves from where? What was he doing before hand?

For me, this needs more action. As it stands, it’s just a long list of dialogue. Describe for us what these people are doing as they are talking. Perhaps the pastor asks “What are your sins?”, the sinner then rubs his hands over his face, contemplating his sins, before replying “I killed a man.” A simple line of action like this helps us visualise it better. When you read this to yourself, you must be playing it out in your head, as if you were watching on a screen, yes? So what are they doing? Write that down!

All in all, though, I do think this is an idea worth running with, and the bones of your story are there. Just pad it out a little to help us (and yourself) visualise the whole thing a little better.

I look forward to seeing the next draft!
 
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