Hey everybody- I just wanted some opinions on a story I am working on, being that I am used to writing adaptations or straight out comedy, I've been planning a short film with a twisted sort of moral.. I'll give you the premise and you tell me what you think.
It starts out at the Pearly Gates of heaven. St. Paul and God talk to a person who has commited suicide but claims it was an accident while he was method-acting a scene from a hanging. So god decides to send him back to the worldy world in the form of someone's conscience, where he will sit in a room with a TV, a microphone and a beer fridge and be able to send his advice via the mic to translate into subtle feelings in his host soul.
The scenes interchange between the host soul and the "conscience". The breakdown is this:
In the scenes, two characters sit at a coffee-shop table (I know, I know, not ANOTHER coffee shop movie, but I just saw Coffee and Cigarrettes and it was the fine inspiration for a locale for philisophical debate and I decided it would be a fitting enviroment.). The two characters start with small talk and eventually end up discussing the difference between free will and being "other directed", wondering where instinct and urges unexplainable come from.
In the "Host's soul" the conscience begins to explore the cluttered room, opening packed boxes (emotional baggage as explained in a promotional video from heavan), and finding out some things about the character. As the scenes in the coffee shop progress, he keeps opening boxes and finds out more about his host. The deal is that if he can do some good and clean up a little, he will be re-considered for heaven, so he begins trying to help the character deal with his problems.
You find out throughout that the main character (Mark {temp name}, in the coffee shop) has had a troubled life. His father and mother were equally abusive due to finances and general arguments, his father picked up herion, his mother divorced and took her child to a new place only to die of pnuemonia years later. Then his father threatens his son one night while doped up for some of the insurance money and they end up fighting and Mark accidentally kills his own father. Delaing with the guilt he has become suicidal, and begins to relapse while in the bathroom taking a dump.
The conscience, using his own basis of sucide, talks the host (Mark) out of killing himself.
In between all of this there is a sub-plot with a waitress who reminds Mark of an ex-girlfriend who saved his life on one suicide attempt, only to dump him two days later for "fear of finding him dead one day". And another interraction between Mark and his best friend Dave (who he is enjoying a nice cup of coffee with and catching up).
In the end, Mark is shot randomly in a coffee-shop stick up by a crazy doped up homeless guy (symbolic of his father, and will be visually related so... ack, have to go to work, running out of time to explain). The pointless death is to show how anyone, anywhere can die at anytime in this cruel world.
I'll post more later... need help on the end, have to go to work!!!
Bye!!
-Logan-
I know it all sounds heavy
It starts out at the Pearly Gates of heaven. St. Paul and God talk to a person who has commited suicide but claims it was an accident while he was method-acting a scene from a hanging. So god decides to send him back to the worldy world in the form of someone's conscience, where he will sit in a room with a TV, a microphone and a beer fridge and be able to send his advice via the mic to translate into subtle feelings in his host soul.
The scenes interchange between the host soul and the "conscience". The breakdown is this:
In the scenes, two characters sit at a coffee-shop table (I know, I know, not ANOTHER coffee shop movie, but I just saw Coffee and Cigarrettes and it was the fine inspiration for a locale for philisophical debate and I decided it would be a fitting enviroment.). The two characters start with small talk and eventually end up discussing the difference between free will and being "other directed", wondering where instinct and urges unexplainable come from.
In the "Host's soul" the conscience begins to explore the cluttered room, opening packed boxes (emotional baggage as explained in a promotional video from heavan), and finding out some things about the character. As the scenes in the coffee shop progress, he keeps opening boxes and finds out more about his host. The deal is that if he can do some good and clean up a little, he will be re-considered for heaven, so he begins trying to help the character deal with his problems.
You find out throughout that the main character (Mark {temp name}, in the coffee shop) has had a troubled life. His father and mother were equally abusive due to finances and general arguments, his father picked up herion, his mother divorced and took her child to a new place only to die of pnuemonia years later. Then his father threatens his son one night while doped up for some of the insurance money and they end up fighting and Mark accidentally kills his own father. Delaing with the guilt he has become suicidal, and begins to relapse while in the bathroom taking a dump.
The conscience, using his own basis of sucide, talks the host (Mark) out of killing himself.
In between all of this there is a sub-plot with a waitress who reminds Mark of an ex-girlfriend who saved his life on one suicide attempt, only to dump him two days later for "fear of finding him dead one day". And another interraction between Mark and his best friend Dave (who he is enjoying a nice cup of coffee with and catching up).
In the end, Mark is shot randomly in a coffee-shop stick up by a crazy doped up homeless guy (symbolic of his father, and will be visually related so... ack, have to go to work, running out of time to explain). The pointless death is to show how anyone, anywhere can die at anytime in this cruel world.
I'll post more later... need help on the end, have to go to work!!!
Bye!!
-Logan-
I know it all sounds heavy
-Caity
