archived-videos Campus MovieFest Submission: Hidden. 2 x Award Winning!

M

mattposada

Hey all,
I just recently worked on this short film that was submitted to the Campus MovieFest Film Festival. It was successful as it made it to the top 16 out of 164 submissions at my university. It also won awards for Best Actress and Best Cinematography, among those chosen 16. If we get enough views within the next 30 days, we can move on to the next level in Hollywood. Let us know what you think, and if you want to help support us in moving to the next level, give it a view or two, and/or pass it on! If you've got some constructive criticism as well, go ahead and reply with it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McP0zH_DEvY

All the best,
Matt Posada
 
Upvote 0
I like the photography. The writing is about as on the nose as I've ever heard. It's all wrong IMO. You need to tell us those things without spelling them out explicitly as you did here.
 
Cool thanks! I appreciate the feedback. The thing about Campus MovieFest is that you have one week to put it together. It was also a first time writer/director and I think all those factors contributed to that. Are you are saying that the writing is just too bland? Like if it were written in a way that it relays the same messages, yet still stays a little more subliminal, so it is not so upfront with its message?
 
mattposada said:
Cool thanks! I appreciate the feedback. The thing about Campus MovieFest is that you have one week to put it together. It was also a first time writer/director and I think all those factors contributed to that. Are you are saying that the writing is just too bland? Like if it were written in a way that it relays the same messages, yet still stays a little more subliminal, so it is not so upfront with its message?
Click to expand...

Yeah, I think that the dialogue about life and innocence just sounds kinda corny (even if its true). Cinematography looks beautiful.
 
mattposada said:
Cool thanks! I appreciate the feedback. The thing about Campus MovieFest is that you have one week to put it together. It was also a first time writer/director and I think all those factors contributed to that. Are you are saying that the writing is just too bland? Like if it were written in a way that it relays the same messages, yet still stays a little more subliminal, so it is not so upfront with its message?
Click to expand...

Yes. screenwriting needs to imply things, not spell it out explicitly. For example, you don't want a character shouting "I am so scared!"
The ideas you are conveying in the film are great, but you kind of hit us over the head with it. It's not that hard, the harder part is figuring out *what* you want to say, you've already done that, you just need to repackage it.
 
Understood. Thanks! Very much appreciated. When I first read the script i thought it was a little corny too (I've never written anything, so I couldn't really offer any advice to change it.), but I thought it was pretty good for a first time writer. I've been looking into getting into writing; The hardest part for me is like you said, coming up with an idea. And even with an idea, I find it's hard to write it in such a way that it stands out. I give props to writers; I almost feel like you have to be born to write. :lol:
 
The cinematography looks great but the writing, as noted above, is definitely corny.

Also the need to portray a "drug deal" type of transaction is overdone. You should had tried to come up with a different way of showing that... Also the guys acting was subpar imho.

Just trying to offer some positives criticism.
Have fun with the next projects.
 
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