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> Bad Script Competition

Perhaps we should start a "bad script" competition akin to the "bad writing" competitions.

Oh, wait. I meant: :devil:

Alright, I couldn't resist.
There's just so much material to work with it's hard not to slap some greazy screenplay together - even if it's only a few pages in length.
Short shorts are great!

With a little LMGTFY I found a few lists and links of film clichés to work off of.

I certainly don't have any time frames in mind, just... whenever, if ever, you get around to writing a cliché-ridden screenplay will be fine.

And if you wanna go FTW - make a video.
(I got too many irons in the fire as is.
Pounding out a ridiculous screenplay is one thing, making a short film is something entirely else.
I might, butt no promises.)

1a. Henchmen Are Bad Shots
2a. Everyone’s a Computer Cracker/Hacker
3a. Third person Shooter saves the day
4a. Presumed Dead. Not!
5a. Hero emerges from any beating looking as fresh as a daisy
6a. Hero will need to dive under or through sliding doors.
7a. Lame Disguise to escape detection
8a. The Car Won’t Start
9a. The Gun is out of Bullets just as the moment of truth arrives
10a. I Still Love my ex-Wife

1b. Heroine is a Kook 
2b. Sarcastic Hand Clap
3b. Maniac Stops For A Cup Of Tea, the ego of the killer takes over, and he describes exactly what he’s going to do to the victim…instead of actually getting on with it.
4b. Staring In The Mirror
5b. The Killer Quip
6b. Less Attractive Sidekick 
7b. Lascivious Onlooker when the camera will cut away from the attack and show a pal of the attacker, bloodlust (or just lust) in his eyes, more than likely swigging from a bottle, and grinning cruelly. Especially a mentor.
8b. Staring At The Phone after receiving bad news.
9b . “When I Was A Little Girl” Speech is a lazy screenwriter’s ploy to make us feel empathy, or sympathy, for a character regardless of their personality flaws etc.
10b. The Shock Awakening

1c. Someone trips and falls as a plot device
2c. This is the last job
3c. "You don't know who you're dealing with!"

before I knew it
without a doubt
in a jiffy
without a hitch
stopped in my tracks
little did I know
goose bumps all over
the time of my life
needless to say
well worth the wait
even to this day
frightened to death
scared out of my wits
waste of time
rushed for time
with only seconds to spare
without a care in the world
it couldn't happen to a nicer _____
a matter of time
lost track of time
seemed to take forever
lasted an eternity
like greased lightning
thought to myself
made a big impression on
thought he/she was hot stuff   
in the nick of time
couldn't catch my breath
for the life of me
without moving a muscle
without a doubt
to tell the truth
couldn't keep my eyes open
at the drop of a hat
cut to the chase
did not have a pleasant bone in his/her body
but to no avail
it was bad enough
like the pot calling the kettle black
got the best of me
put two and two together
to this day
bubble was burst
knows full well
honesty is the best policy
times heals all wounds
next thing I knew
dumb as a rock
bored out of my mind
quiet as a mouse
stopped in my tracks
Many hands make light work. 
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. 
live and learn. 
what goes around comes around. 
every cloud has a silver lining. 
break a leg. 
it's raining cats and dogs. 
break a leg. 
it could be worse. 
time will tell 
all is fair in love and war 
haste makes waste 
life is unfair 
when you have lemons, make lemonade. 
opposites attract. 
A fire station burning down. 
As old as the hills. 

Read more: 
Okay, I'm about to lose whatever little respect I may have, but here goes:

Film Facts:

Made in 1998

I grabbed the two other actors from a gun range.

$49 dollar budget.

Done in one take.

It's a real .50BMG pistol.

Yes, ...the table didn't move.

3,100,000 hits ...and I have no idea why.


What do I win???


P.S. I think this falls under "1B" and "1C"
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One thing I learnt early on is that bad films can be good because they show you what not to do! lol.Time flies when your having fun watching a good film.If you want to move along in this industry real fast it is good advice to watch bad films.when watching a bad film and before you gets the shits or fall asleep flex your creative muscle and ask why its so bad. Answer those questions probing in your head, you'll learn real fast that way and see it as leveraging time to learn how to be a master screenwriter!

wanna know more visit my website: www.screenplaywritingfordummies.info
One thing I learnt early on is that bad films can be good because they show you what not to do! lol... If you want to move along in this industry real fast it is good advice to watch bad films.when watching a bad film and before you gets the shits or fall asleep flex your creative muscle and ask why its so bad.
Watch bad lo/no budget films like these? http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=44510

Resulting in something like this?:

Yeah. That's proly a good idea. :)
Well I've got a character name. Brute Manly.
Now I just need a plot

He's a disgraced alcoholic ex-cop turned private eye who takes a job spying on a rich mogul's wife. He falls in love with her and betrays his client. They plot to run off together and she takes the contents of hubby's safe. They run afoul of the mobsters who secretly back the mogul when it is discovered that damning evidence of a plot to destroy the city and overthrow the government in the papers that she took from the safe. Now they must fight an uphill battle against all odds to safe the world as we know it. The mobsters are a front for a new Nazi zombie movement. During the face off in the zombie Nazi mansion, Brute fights his way through a horde of zombies in various states of decomp tearing the arm off of one and beating another to (un)death with it. When Brute gets to the Nazi zombie big boss, he takes out his gun and throws it away, choosing instead to gouge out the leader's eyes with his thumbs and rips his head off. Ultra gratuitous gore fest ensues. In the big confrontation, the husband has your MC and the wife strapped to some ridiculously complicated death machine. Wife asks bad guy why he's "doing all of this" and he reveals that he only married the wife for her connections to move his plot of world domination forward. While he's in a talkative mood, he lays out the entire plot then leaves, assuming the death machine will finish them off. The MC miraculously manages to get free and saves them both just as the death clock counts down to zero. Despite the fact that the husband left ten minutes earlier, Brute and the wife easily catch him in no time. Cue the chase scene. The husband demonstrates professional race car driver skills during the chase but misjudges an easy corner and crashes. He flees on foot and runs into an abandoned warehouse. Brute tells the wife to stay in he car and wait for help. Brute chases the husband into the warehouse. Of course the wife doesn't stay in the car, she goes into the warehouse and gets captured by the husband. The husband has one last doomsday device left, which he wasn't carrying when he ran into the warehouse. He hooks the device up to the wife and waits for Brute to show up. The device is tied into a watch the husband is wearing which monitors his pulse. The husband explains that, if his pulse stops, the device goes off killing the wife. Brute has to decide to save the wife or catch the husband. He chooses the wife. Husband jumps into a boat (did I mention that the warehouse was by the docks?) and takes off. Blake realizes that he can't disarm the device so he puts it on himself (there is no explanation why). He forces the wife to leave to save her. When the signal meter hits zero, the device doesn't go off, its a dud. Blake takes a speed boat that has the key in it for no apparent reason. He again catches the husband. He throws the device onto the husband's boat. The husband raises his gun (which he has not used the whole movie) and aims at Blake. Blake shoots his watch. The device explodes. THE END


Staff Member
^^ thats great, only thing I would add is during the confrontation where the wife is booby-trapped, the husband should give a 10 minute long expository speech beginning with "you know, we aren't so different, you and I"
I'll give you guys a sneak peek of mine.


Title: Currently, this script is untitled. RIight now, I ' m going to call it "UNTILTED SCREENPLAY DRAFT 1 FINAL". Perhfects.....

By: Is this where I write my name?

Logline::: There's this dude, and while listening to this popular radio song (preferabbly the one by the dude that wore the weird hat at the Graammys. That dude. Yeah. Anyway... so he's (the dude, not the Grammy guy) is walking when suddenly there's fire effects and buildings start falling (perhpas there can be like a Camoe or something...... (I"M thinking like umm... Rihanna or something. I duuno ANYWAY... soo.... I can't tell you anymore.. it's almost like Fight Club meets Tellitubies. Lots of Tarantino dialogue. Lots. Takes up 2 hours of the movie. I also had this idea that Steven Spielberg directed the movie... udricorests. My first grade teacher tells me that I need to work on present tense and stuff. The whole movie will me... be... no. Ok, so the movie ends with Transformers. More Tarintinto references. Kevin Smith makes an appearance too. Ford and Toyota will provide me for money, Ia and there will be shots lingering on cars for 5minutes every 5 minutes. Eminemem will be i n the movie toooo. Themoivewillbe6hourslong. NAnyway, buy my script>

Additional notes: This movie willl be bubgted at 600 million trillion dolaalra. Tom Hank star as it in a guuy. Untitled name. Brad Pitt, that one guy from Big Bang Theory, and that one scary lady... oh yeah... Nicki Mijagna. How the hell do you write her name?
Additional ntoes: I'm going through an exitensal critis and will jump off of building ifo you do not bi this script. Thank you.

Now I'm going to go sit in the corner of my bathroom cradling a bottle of wine and listening to Whitney Houston, crying myself to sleep. Bye!

So, what do you guys and gals think? :D
alarm goes off
(man) brushes teeth
orange juice, toast, coffee
walks to car
starts car
checks watch
checks rear view mirror at stop lite
parks on top floor of parking garage
gets out
pulls out gun
(guy behind him) drop your gun
more talk
fuck you
fuck your mother
car peels out
(detective in trench coat) what do we have here?
(csi) bullet went through there and came out here
(second detective) any ID?
(csi) Bond, James Bond. UK address.
(second detective) what's he doing out here?
(lieutenant arrives) any witnesses?
(detective) no
(lieutenant) start canvass
(chief of police arrive) witnesses?
(lieutenant) no
(chief) I want to be kept informed, every hour on the hour. Understand?
(police commissioner arrives) witnesses?
(chief) no
(commissioner) I want to be kept informed, every hour on the hour. Understand?

I'll finish this script for $25. :)
@ Lucky: :lol:
What happens to Brute/Blake on page two of the screenplay? :D

@ Chimp: :lol:
OMG. How do people like this not starve to death or die of exposure?
And we've all run across them.
Legalization of pot. Brilliant social move. :rolleyes:

fuck you
fuck your mother
Even in your efforts to be bad writers, you've given more plot and character development than some of the scripts I've read.

Sorry, Lucky, you might have to get a "consider" with that convoluted, albeit cliche ridden, plot.

GA is definitely more on point with some of the stuff that I've had students bring to me. Since most have no background, it gives me a good sense where to start.

Chimp, move away from the keyboard so nobody gets hurt. I did read a script that resembled that--saying who would be good in the roles, what the budget should be, etc. It even had a line like "This is sure to be the next blockbuster and will make millions."

Ray, words cannot describe how good you are at being a bad writer. The spelling, the lack of development, the directing from within the script, the awkward dialogues. It's so bad, it's almost good. Sorry, pal, I'm wavering between "consider" and 'recommend". [PS: You were faking it, right? :P]

Sorry, Birdman, I have to say your short made me laugh. I can't give it a "pass". Very cool suits, btw.
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Even in your efforts to be bad writers, you've given more plot and character development than some of the scripts I've read.
You poor, poor man.

Ray, words cannot describe how good you are at being a bad writer.
[PS: You were faking it, right? :P]
All lo/no budget fiction must be DEAD. (beat) SERIOUS.


P.S. - You need to toss your hat in the ring, as well, BTW. :D
I have more... here's some of the first page.



PURPLE HAZE plays distantly, and we begin to fade into. That one song with the art-dude and the banana cover also plays. LOL! JK!

A guy walks through his kichen, when he realizes that the noise outside (refer to page 50) is a monster. He walks outside (cameo of famous celebiries). (rihanna) (that dude from big bang theory) (pihlip seymour hoffman) (charlie sheen) (larry the tv guy)

guy: So, I was thinking that I should run.

(more celebriteis cameos)

SO, this guy WALKS back INTO his HOUSE and then goes to the BATHROOM when he then walks out of the BATHROOM and OUTSIDE.

Meanwhile, in the distance, there are ganagersetrs who are having a 15 minute discussion about something completely unrelated to the plot, but one guy looks funny and has an amusing voice, so critics will love the scene. They talk about... umm.. like food and stuff.





Shots of trees. Muc like that movie by the dude that makes art movies... Terry Gilliam, no, wait, I got it, wait, his name begins with a "T". Where can I find the site "Google"?


12 Most Over-Used Horror Clichés

12: “It’s Just The Wind”
Two strangers alone in an unnerving place hear something in the distance. Our protagonist will ask “What was that”, whilst the friend will almost always reply “It’s just the wind”.

11: The Weird Local
When our protagonist and friends arrive in the unfamiliar settings of a new town or village, it is usually completely devoid of anyone.
Except for one, of course, who comes fully equipped with a serious case of “the crazies”.

10: No One Believes (until it’s too late)
Normally it’s a tale of kids/adolescents vs adults, with a handful of disbelievers falling victim themselves to the killer (Oh yee of little faith). Leaving the viewer with a questionably satisfying feeling similar to ‘I told you so’.

9: “Let’s Split Up”
At some point our protagonist and co will express a sudden desire to become their very own version of the “Scooby-gang” and split up in an attempt to cover more ground.

8: The Car Won’t Start.
There has to be a direct correlation between the type of person who finds his/herself in a grave situation and poor upkeep of one’s automobile,... however, as the car will start just in the nick of time.

7: Boo!
Imagine the scene. Our protagonist is alone, helpless. It’s dark and the non-diegetic music that accompanies the scene gives an impending sense of doom. As the pitches become higher and louder, the more we expect something terrible to happen. The killer is close and our protagonist is in grave danger. Something terrible is about to happen…Oh, wait, it’s just a cat/rat/dog/cow/gopher/ fish/friend.

6: The Killer Won’t Know When He Is Beaten?
Has anyone else noticed that the villain is almost always super-human?

5: Mirror Scare
Our hero is using the bathroom and opens the cabinet door. Once he or she (normally always a ‘she’ when set in a bathroom) closes the cabinet door, there is always someone starting back in the reflection.

4: Mother, Are You There? I Love You ( I didn’t mean to hit you over the head with that shovel)
Back in 1960, Alfred Hitchcock released Psycho and introduced the world to Norman Bates... Bates ‘Mother’ was a masterstroke. So good, in fact, that it spawned many imitators.

3: Victim Flees/ Killer Saunters (and let’s throw in a ‘trip’, for good measure …)
... even if it was Usain Bolt under the mask, there is no way he would be able to keep up with the victim using ‘the brisk walk’ method… Even if the victim has tripped over around 3 times.

2: Creepy kids
Unless they are Zombies, kids are not creepy and the sound of children singing is irritating, if anything.

1: The End?
The most important lesson [to] learn from horror films is that the danger is never over. Never assume for one moment that the danger has gone however annoyingly predictable it is.

Coming soon:
Amnesiacs awaken again and again,
"terrorfied" that they suspect this
has all happened before.
And it might happen again!

lol wait...a horror movie needs zero storyline all it needs is...

a gruesome throat slash scene.
a rape or attempted rape where the hero saves her just in time.
dead people coming out of ground/wall/ceiling/pantry.
zombies and running apparently constitutes imaginative script.
Vampires. If you have vampires, its ok if the rest sucks.
Werewolves...you know, before they decided to mix them into vampire movies (sigh)
Spirit power. It seems anyone can harness their inner energy and kill demons after they hit 15.
A lack of logic. As long as logical thinkers don't watch, you're onto a winner.
A crappy camera. A crappy camera makes everything look real, so the audience will believe everything...honest!!!