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> Bad Script Competition

http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?p=356103#post356103
Perhaps we should start a "bad script" competition akin to the "bad writing" competitions.
:lol:

Oh, wait. I meant: :devil:

Alright, I couldn't resist.
There's just so much material to work with it's hard not to slap some greazy screenplay together - even if it's only a few pages in length.
Short shorts are great!

With a little LMGTFY I found a few lists and links of film clichés to work off of.

I certainly don't have any time frames in mind, just... whenever, if ever, you get around to writing a cliché-ridden screenplay will be fine.

And if you wanna go FTW - make a video.
(I got too many irons in the fire as is.
Pounding out a ridiculous screenplay is one thing, making a short film is something entirely else.
I might, butt no promises.)


Code:
1a. Henchmen Are Bad Shots
2a. Everyone’s a Computer Cracker/Hacker
3a. Third person Shooter saves the day
4a. Presumed Dead. Not!
5a. Hero emerges from any beating looking as fresh as a daisy
6a. Hero will need to dive under or through sliding doors.
7a. Lame Disguise to escape detection
8a. The Car Won’t Start
9a. The Gun is out of Bullets just as the moment of truth arrives
10a. I Still Love my ex-Wife

1b. Heroine is a Kook 
2b. Sarcastic Hand Clap
3b. Maniac Stops For A Cup Of Tea, the ego of the killer takes over, and he describes exactly what he’s going to do to the victim…instead of actually getting on with it.
4b. Staring In The Mirror
5b. The Killer Quip
6b. Less Attractive Sidekick 
7b. Lascivious Onlooker when the camera will cut away from the attack and show a pal of the attacker, bloodlust (or just lust) in his eyes, more than likely swigging from a bottle, and grinning cruelly. Especially a mentor.
8b. Staring At The Phone after receiving bad news.
9b . “When I Was A Little Girl” Speech is a lazy screenwriter’s ploy to make us feel empathy, or sympathy, for a character regardless of their personality flaws etc.
10b. The Shock Awakening


1c. Someone trips and falls as a plot device
2c. This is the last job
3c. "You don't know who you're dealing with!"


http://www.kristisiegel.com/cliches.html
before I knew it
without a doubt
in a jiffy
without a hitch
stopped in my tracks
little did I know
goose bumps all over
the time of my life
needless to say
well worth the wait
even to this day
frightened to death
scared out of my wits
waste of time
rushed for time
with only seconds to spare
without a care in the world
it couldn't happen to a nicer _____
a matter of time
lost track of time
seemed to take forever
lasted an eternity
like greased lightning
thought to myself
made a big impression on
thought he/she was hot stuff   
in the nick of time
couldn't catch my breath
for the life of me
without moving a muscle
without a doubt
to tell the truth
couldn't keep my eyes open
at the drop of a hat
cut to the chase
did not have a pleasant bone in his/her body
but to no avail
it was bad enough
like the pot calling the kettle black
got the best of me
put two and two together
to this day
bubble was burst
knows full well
honesty is the best policy
times heals all wounds
next thing I knew
dumb as a rock
bored out of my mind
quiet as a mouse
stopped in my tracks
Many hands make light work. 
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. 
live and learn. 
what goes around comes around. 
every cloud has a silver lining. 
break a leg. 
it's raining cats and dogs. 
break a leg. 
it could be worse. 
time will tell 
all is fair in love and war 
haste makes waste 
life is unfair 
when you have lemons, make lemonade. 
opposites attract. 
A fire station burning down. 
As old as the hills. 


Read more: 
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_some_examples_of_a_cliche#ixzz
 
Then write it and post it! :lol:

2 guys and 3 girls go driving out of city.
They come across a bar and stop for a drink.
Night time comes, suddenly vampires, zombies, and werewolves come from old Indian burial ground to feed.
They all board up the windows and doors with some idiot on the roof.
first killed is idiot on roof (Brad Pitt?)
Black lady runs out of building and gets killed because she "can't take it anymore" (Oprah Winfrey)
Bar guy tells everyone to calm down (Doctor Phill)
British twat decided to try to rape a chick while this is going on and gets beaten up and locked in corner (Jeremy Kyle) but not before slashing the barmans throat as a sign that he is serious.
Main good guy then grabs rifle off now dead bar owner and takes impossible shot that blows up the enemy.
Sun rises.
Everyone still alive exits feeling like that was a totally routine evening and decide to carry on with trip.

The end

All of this should be filmed on a high end children's home video recorder (pink if they have them in stock in that colour) and marketed as "based on true events"

And yes this is the full script...if you can't act out my movie based on this then you are not prefessonil enuf to be innit!!

Also we have started a kickstarter campaign to pay for this, we have $205 pledged (thanks mum) and we just need $60,000 more.
 
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Thank you for the inspiration Ray! I have an artistic sub-plot in my screenplay about a group of friends that go out to a secluded cabin in the woods. One is a gigantic jock, one is a stoner, one is a scared black guy, there's one normal dude, the dumb@ss blond chick, and a shy/humble brunette who keeps to herself and never does anything wrong. There's also a witty guy.

A killer in the woods begins to kill them off, starting with two teens getting in on in the middle of the woods. Then we cut to the teens driving. There's lots of foreshadowing as well. They see a huge guy in the distance that disappears and a gigantic sign that reads "DON'T #@&^ING COME HERE. EVIL.". They ignore it, then find a really ugly cabin. Why the hell would they come here and what are they going to do? I dunno. The director will figure that out. Anyway, there's a cat in a closet that scares them, as well as loud discordant piano music that randomly plays. Not to mention there's a basement which has dead animals and satanic images written in blood all over the walls. This is where the jock and blond will make sweet, sweet love. Anyway, it's nighttime. The black guy goes out and gets impaled. The blond chick hears a noise, and goes outside in her underwear. She gets her throat slit. After hearing screams and realizing the upside down crucifixes in blood are satanic images, the rest of the friends go out to investigate... by splitting up. The stoner doesn't take a weapon to protect himself because, well, he has magical powers. His head is snapped off. Then the jock gets brutally stabbed. The normal dude and girl find each other and battle the killer. The normal dude gets decapitated. The brunette runs away, uncontrollably tripping her way to the car. She continues to drop the car keys because her hands keep shaking, and she know stumbles around... the slow moving killer somehow still keeping up with her. Right before she is going to get killed, the only minor-ly wounded guy kills the killer. They drive away in the morning, and a satanic little guy waves them goodbye. But wait! This is the best part. Are you ready?! THE KILLER IS STILL ALIVE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!
 
Thank you for the inspiration Ray! I have an artistic sub-plot in my screenplay about a group of friends that go out to a secluded cabin in the woods. One is a gigantic jock, one is a stoner, one is a scared black guy, there's one normal dude, the dumb@ss blond chick, and a shy/humble brunette who keeps to herself and never does anything wrong. There's also a witty guy.

A killer in the woods begins to kill them off, starting with two teens getting in on in the middle of the woods. Then we cut to the teens driving. There's lots of foreshadowing as well. They see a huge guy in the distance that disappears and a gigantic sign that reads "DON'T #@&^ING COME HERE. EVIL.". They ignore it, then find a really ugly cabin. Why the hell would they come here and what are they going to do? I dunno. The director will figure that out. Anyway, there's a cat in a closet that scares them, as well as loud discordant piano music that randomly plays. Not to mention there's a basement which has dead animals and satanic images written in blood all over the walls. This is where the jock and blond will make sweet, sweet love. Anyway, it's nighttime. The black guy goes out and gets impaled. The blond chick hears a noise, and goes outside in her underwear. She gets her throat slit. After hearing screams and realizing the upside down crucifixes in blood are satanic images, the rest of the friends go out to investigate... by splitting up. The stoner doesn't take a weapon to protect himself because, well, he has magical powers. His head is snapped off. Then the jock gets brutally stabbed. The normal dude and girl find each other and battle the killer. The normal dude gets decapitated. The brunette runs away, uncontrollably tripping her way to the car. She continues to drop the car keys because her hands keep shaking, and she know stumbles around... the slow moving killer somehow still keeping up with her. Right before she is going to get killed, the only minor-ly wounded guy kills the killer. They drive away in the morning, and a satanic little guy waves them goodbye. But wait! This is the best part. Are you ready?! THE KILLER IS STILL ALIVE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!


Hmmm this reminds me of something, was it a film I wrote, or a film someone else wrote, or was it a film? no two films?...fuck, I dunno, its good anyway, unique, Hollywood will definitely be interested as long as you let them change it slightly to slip in a boob shot or two...definitely worth following up on.
 
Hmmm this reminds me of something, was it a film I wrote, or a film someone else wrote, or was it a film? no two films?...fuck, I dunno, its good anyway, unique, Hollywood will definitely be interested as long as you let them change it slightly to slip in a boob shot or two...definitely worth following up on.
This inspires my next horror fantastical spectacle!

BLOODY! BLOODY BOOBZ!

When a bus load of cheerleading sorority sisters crash in Bumphuk Forest guess what happens when the massive machete wielding maniac chops their heads off?!

It's a 'Tokyo Gore Police' + 'Friday the 13th' mash-up! With BOOBZ!!!
 
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...as does the dodgy one eyed park ranger that never seems to be around when the killer is ;)
Yeah, well... No one ever believes the weird locals when they saunter up and ask if they need help getting their sputtering vehicle to start before venturing out down that long winding gravel road through Bumphuk Forest.

Maybe their common sense escapes them when startled by his sudden appearance in the side mirror as the starter grinds away at the battery.

"Rar rar rar rar rar rrraar rrrrraaaarrr...

And the bimbo asks the mimbo if they're out of gas."
 
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This inspires my next horror fantastical spectacle!

BLOODY! BLOODY BOOBZ!

When a bus load of cheerleading sorority sisters crash in Bumphuk Forest guess what happens when the massive machete wielding maniac chops their heads off?!

It's a 'Tokyo Gore Police' + 'Friday the 13th' mash-up! With BOOBZ!!!

LOL, with lots of thorny bushes tearing up clothes as they run in panic? ;)
 
What "UNIQUE" horror film could be without them? :)

HOMOSAURUS!​

"When Richard Simmons' DNA is mistakenly spliced with a Tyrannosaurus Rex, a terrorized San Francisco's only hope rides on the construction of a 900 foot condom and a gigantic plate of pancakes."


....no BOOBZ in this one, sorry!

-Birdman
 
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HOMOSAURUS!​

"When Richard Simmon's DNA is mistakenly spliced with a Tyrannosaurus Rex, a terrorized San Francisco's only hope rides on the construction of a 900 foot condom and a gigantic plate of pancakes."


....no BOOBZ in this one, sorry!

-Birdman
:lol: LMAO!
Perfect!

And if we want the obligatory gross-in-lieu-of-actual-horror scene we have Homosaurus happen across spectacularly nude women and then proceeds to projectile vomit the pancakes, in an homage to Godzilla/Gojira.

godzilla-atomic-breath.jpg


Butt the important thing to keep in mind in this day and age of universal acceptance is to not vilify Homosaurus but to understand and accept him/it, and if at all possible make beyond reasonable efforts to accommodate his/its "needs".

Yeah...

I don't wanna produce that show.
 
Butt the important thing to keep in mind in this day and age of universal acceptance is to not vilify Homosaurus but to understand and accept him/it, and if at all possible make beyond reasonable efforts to accommodate his/its "needs".

...Not exactly on my Screenplay list either!

HOMOSAURUS.jpg

-Birdman
 
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