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screenplay Any General critique
- Thread starter New22
- Start date
In general, make sure you capitalize sentences. Learn how to use commas. Learn how to joint dependent clauses to independent clauses. The dialog is not natural; people don't talk like that.
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My first thought is similar to someone asking me to watch
their movies and it's not in focus. This screenplay is difficult
to read.
You need to pay attention to details: you have a long scene
of Nathan and John jogging inside Nathan's room. You never
change locations.
All this gets in the way of paying attention to your story - just
like watching a movie that is out of focus.
their movies and it's not in focus. This screenplay is difficult
to read.
You need to pay attention to details: you have a long scene
of Nathan and John jogging inside Nathan's room. You never
change locations.
All this gets in the way of paying attention to your story - just
like watching a movie that is out of focus.
I agree with the above. Also, most of your dialogue can be cut (more or less) in half.
For example:
1. "Thanks for inviting me" =>
Thanks.
2. "How could you know the time of the day with the windows all covered. Jesus it's dark in here." =>
Jesus it's dark in here.
Note: you're showing that the windows are covered so there's no need to also say it.
3. "I am going to sleep. I don't want to jog." =>
I'm going to sleep.
Note: the idea of jogging has already been established so there's no need to repeat it.
For example:
1. "Thanks for inviting me" =>
Thanks.
2. "How could you know the time of the day with the windows all covered. Jesus it's dark in here." =>
Jesus it's dark in here.
Note: you're showing that the windows are covered so there's no need to also say it.
3. "I am going to sleep. I don't want to jog." =>
I'm going to sleep.
Note: the idea of jogging has already been established so there's no need to repeat it.
Dialog is a funny thing. It doesn't have to, nor does it usually, follow a narrative writing style. The style is dictated by the character: who they are, how they think, their education, their frame of mind. Many times, people don't even speak in complete sentences or use proper verb tense. It depends on the character.
A bit about formatting... 
The splitting of action and dialogues paragraphs, it looks to me a bit odd.
In my opinion, you should try to achieve shorter action paragraphs or at least cut the sentences after a full stop... (e.g. page 1-2 and 4-5).
Maybe using a writing & formatting software to organise properly the text over the pages.
It will look more professional.
The splitting of action and dialogues paragraphs, it looks to me a bit odd.
In my opinion, you should try to achieve shorter action paragraphs or at least cut the sentences after a full stop... (e.g. page 1-2 and 4-5).
Maybe using a writing & formatting software to organise properly the text over the pages.
It will look more professional.