Am I on the right track?????

[jcribbs]

I wrote a scene.

I would like to know if I am doing it correctly? Too flowery, not enough......just some feedback.

Just want to make sure I get my point across without saying too much or am I saying too little?

Tell me what I need to do differently in order to do it right.. that's what I'm asking --- I think???

It's a very short little scene. No dialogue. It is also an opening scene.

FADE IN:

EXT. SOME ARKANSAS CREEK - EARLY MORNING

A long winding creek snakes it way through dense brush cutting it's own path through the forest.

Sounds of crickets, howling coyotes and water spills create a picturesque landscape. A water snake lazily glides toward shore.

The sun rises higher and sparkles through the water creating dancing reflections of the shoreline.

The morning mist recedes just enough to reveal a lone white hand bobbing beneath the water, long since trapped by the vehicle that the creek has claimed as it's own.

 

[Absolution_Films]

Sounds fine to me

I could definitely picture the area in my head, so you have won half the battle..... now go film that scene

 

[jcribbs]

woo hoo!!!!! thanks!

Jenn