I'm having a little trouble with my script and wondering if anyone can help me out a little here. The dialogue etc etc comes out perfectly natural when I'm writing it, but its the Action and parentheticals around it that just seems.........wrong. Just to be sure, what's the correct way of writing these particular parts?
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Am I doing this right?
- Thread starter EzyRyder
- Start date
It's basically fine... You could tighten it up a bit.
Unless there's confusion as to whom Toni is speaking to, no need for a parenthetical at all. If however, there was already a conversation going between other characters and Abigail (or Abigial) and I'm assuming there was since the character cue says:
TONI (CONT'D)
Then the parenthetical works.
As for the action, it may be because you're in Scotland as to the way you've described the doorbell being the bell above the door.
Over here in the States we might just say the doorbell but then again, based on what you've shown us, hard to know for sure since I can't tell if this location is a business or a residence.
Seems like a business...
Having said all that... LOL.
I'd probably tackle it something like this...
The bell above the door RINGS -- ABIGAIL (25) enters -- boots CLICK
against the tile floor as she plods toward
TONI
who gawks at Kevin gawking at the arrestingly beautiful Abigail.
TONI (CON'T)
(to Abigail)
Can I help you?
ABIGAIL
I'm here about the room upstairs?
--Just a pet peeve of mine... I never use look or walk as well as a few other weak verbs... I always try to come up with the best action verb that illustrates the visual I want others to see.
Good luck with it...
filmy
Unless there's confusion as to whom Toni is speaking to, no need for a parenthetical at all. If however, there was already a conversation going between other characters and Abigail (or Abigial) and I'm assuming there was since the character cue says:
TONI (CONT'D)
Then the parenthetical works.
As for the action, it may be because you're in Scotland as to the way you've described the doorbell being the bell above the door.
Over here in the States we might just say the doorbell but then again, based on what you've shown us, hard to know for sure since I can't tell if this location is a business or a residence.
Seems like a business...
Having said all that... LOL.
I'd probably tackle it something like this...
The bell above the door RINGS -- ABIGAIL (25) enters -- boots CLICK
against the tile floor as she plods toward
TONI
who gawks at Kevin gawking at the arrestingly beautiful Abigail.
TONI (CON'T)
(to Abigail)
Can I help you?
ABIGAIL
I'm here about the room upstairs?
--Just a pet peeve of mine... I never use look or walk as well as a few other weak verbs... I always try to come up with the best action verb that illustrates the visual I want others to see.
Good luck with it...
filmy
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