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A Western Short Script

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I really like the V.O. dialogue. I had to look up pendejo to understand that one part. I don't understand why Gaspar says "why?" after the man says his name.
Is Gaspar Jimenez a man? It is a weird image of him with legs around the man's chest.. stomach may have made sense, but chest is almost slapstick, Jimenez must be an acrobat! I don't know much about spaghetti westerns, so I can't comment on that part.
I don't get an anti-smoking feeling from it, more of a pro-smoking feeling from the last line, like it's cool to die with an unlit cig in your mouth. It would depend on how the line is read I guess. The writing sounds really good, poetic, though I'm not much into poetry myself.
 
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Thanks, folks.

The anti-smoking comment was tongue-in-cheek. Although maybe the Surgeon General will pick it up for a PSA?

And maybe I did wax too poetic in the VOs, but sometimes it just can't be stopped.

Cheers!

-Charles
 
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I didn't mean the poetic style was bad in any way, in fact it was beautiful, I just don't think I could pull that kind of thing off. And it's not bleak at all to me, in fact it's kind of tame, you handle it deftly without exploiting the situation. Great job.
 
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Loved it.

I have to say that the VO reminded me strongly of Blood Wedding, with all the imagery of knives, moon...etc, (I know you were working on something about Lorca, perhaps this was a subconscious influence?) but I thought that it worked really well with the Western atmosphere.

Very good job.
 
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