critique A bit

[Spike]

I posted a bit, a bit ago, about a project I had been imagining, and abourt how i couldn't get started. But, once I was able to describe the sene, the sequence, in a paragraph, and after I read what mlessman had imagined--a scene between a Prince and a Composer--I actually got started.

Here's a bit, 10 pages or so. It's drafty, especially in parts (like St. Paul's), still in need of the next pass, but is readable. Does it make sense? Is it intreaguing? Entertaining?

https://www.keepandshare.com/doc30/113640/kp1-pdf-106k?da=y

 

[Nate North]

This is actually good. No notes. Continue.

 

[mlesemann]

I like it! And I'm glad I was helpful.

Two small notes:
1. I think you can skip the opening scene in the lodging house and go straight to outside St. Paul's
2. Make sure you indicate Ext or Int in the slug lines.

 

[Spike]

Thanks guys. I'm kind of used to being ignored, and it is nice of you to take some time and thought. It's nice to have a few readers. It's, for me, motivating, and I appreciate it.

Ms m, it is interesting that you think the first bit is expendable. It confirms what I suspected: the sequence is too long. I wanted to introduce the Prince as a likable guy, give some of the color and climate of this era, drop a few plot points, and then move on with the story. But I think I have some stuff here just to have it. The whole thing should probably be about half as long.

I don't know if i can get further into it, or if I do, if it will be worth the journey. But it's beginning to seem, at least, possible.

(And next time I won't forget my INTS and EXTS )

 

[mlesemann]

Ms m,

Mara works

I wanted to introduce the Prince as a likable guy, give some of the color and climate of this era,

I think it's best to show that as you go along - in the course of the early pages but not in a dedicated scene.

My mantra is that no one likes to see "ordinary life" even when it's hundreds of years ago. We LIVE ordinary life, and it's boring 98% of the time. I'm a big believer in jumping right into the story - the interesting stuff.

Of course others may very well disagree

 

[Spike]

Good stuff, Ms. Mara

 

[CelticRambler]

My mantra is that no one likes to see "ordinary life" even when it's hundreds of years ago. We LIVE ordinary life, and it's boring 98% of the time. I'm a big believer in jumping right into the story - the interesting stuff.

Agreed, to an extent, but I thought it was helpful (even "interesting") from a character development point of view to have it shown how the Prince tends to outsource so much of his own thought processes to various third parties. That leaves open the possibility of him being found out later, or to be betrayed by one or more of these third parties. On the other hand, if there is no later betrayal or deception unmasked, then there's no need for any of that passage.

 

[Spike]

Thanks, Celtic. I imagined this to be a little comic, the Prince having a little fun with the guy whose job it is to keep his "travel diary." (The Prince is real, by the way, and the document exists in a museum in Köthen.) But it's helpful to see that this wasn't transparent. And thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.

 

[Nate North]

I've watched a lot of historical fiction over the years, and my 2c is that this genre needs less abridgement than others. Good historical fiction or biography seems to thrive in the medium format, 3 to 6 hours. These shows are almost entirely character driven, so my opinion is that you can spend some extra time building those characters. It's not like an action movie where The Rock only gets 7 lines to establish that he's a family man, who loves his kids and used to play football professionally, because everyone is waiting to see an earthquake destroy San Francisco.

What format are you thinking about for this? Movie, long movie, miniseries? I can't imagine series working.

 

[Spike]

Yes, Nate. I think you're exactly right re being character driven. The story I imagine is pretty focused, the five or so years of Bach in Köthen, biographical for sure but not, in intent, a biography. I think it could be told in a standard length movie.