Recent content by Ollie

  1. critique 5 page Script

    My concern is that it's unfilmable. What do you think? I've written something about an injured animal before and was told it would be too difficult to show on screen or to imply.
  2. critique 5 page Script

    My biggest concern is implying that an animal died. You'll understand more once you read it. The animal dying would be off screen, at least that's how I envisioned it.
  3. critique First Ten

    The intro to a 40 page script. Thanks!
  4. story Advice about pitching

    The cash is in connection to the murder, but yes, the nurse steals the money from the patient, the patient stole the money from the murder scene.
  5. story Advice about pitching

    I'm in a feature writing class, I have to pitch to my class and here's my concept: Nurse Irene is an average single mom neck deep in debt, with a disabled son and a girlfriend who’s married to a man. She’s played it safe her whole life and has nothing to show for it. While tending to the wounds...
  6. critique First 15 pages of Feature

    Fair enough I'll check out the stuff u pointed out, thanks
  7. critique First 15 pages of Feature

    Thanks for the help!
  8. critique First 15 pages of Feature

    Story is about a woman coming into her own after the death of her child, abandoning her responsibilities as a mother and confronting the man who led to her sons death. Looking for any critique that doesn't focus on errors of formatting.
  9. critique Super Short

    Super Short Idea. Thoughts?
  10. movies What's the last film you watched? And rate it!

    Portrait of a lady on fire ( 10/10 ) Uncut gems ( 8/10 )
  11. critique 30 page script. Disclamier: topic of suicide and death examined.

    Thanks for the notes!! I'll have to look over some of the points you mentioned, it's a bit of a work in progress but I can understand the areas of concern
  12. critique Looking for some feedback - first 10 pages of my screenplay

    Hey, just from looking at it have I to know what software you are using ? Something seems off with the formatting, it could just be how it was downloaded. What are smart shoes? Maybe describe them, how will I know they are smart shoes shoes from looking at them. I think you're nailing your...
  13. critique 30 page script. Disclamier: topic of suicide and death examined.

    I'm getting ready to submit to a festival, there are a few typos. How else can I clean it up ? Thanks Also it's not a TV Pilot...anymore
  14. critique First 6 Pages of my script -Pulling Weeds

    I have an outline I just didn't want send everything in because it's a feature and I like to be critiqued in chunks. My outline is about 6 pages approx 40 scenes. I know its confusing since I havent given much, I'll send in more pages of the script as I go to this thread
  15. critique First 6 Pages of my script -Pulling Weeds

    The story is about false appearances. The characters introduced so far are James: he is pretending to be the manager of a fast food restaurant where he works as a cashier. Marco: Monica's brother, dating Penelope. Their relationship is strained because she is going off to college and rejects...